网络— Part 1 评分报告

建议: 你的回答有些语法错误和表达不自然。建议你直接回答问题，使用简单清晰的句子，并且注意时态和单复数。可以增加一些细节来丰富内容，但不要冗长。

示例: I started using the internet about 15 years ago when I was a child. At that time, I mainly played computer games on my dad's computer online.

建议: 回答中有语法和表达不清的问题，建议使用连贯的句子，避免重复。可以用连接词使句子更流畅，并具体说明上网的频率和原因。

示例: I go online every day because the internet is an essential part of my life. I usually send messages and scroll through social media to stay connected with my friends and family.

建议: 回答语法错误较多，表达不清晰。建议先直接回答问题，然后用简单句子说明原因。注意时态和句子结构，避免重复和不完整句子。

示例: Yes, about 10 years ago when I was in middle school, my mom did not allow me to play computer games online because she thought it would harm my studies.

建议: 回答中有语法错误和表达不连贯的问题。建议用简单句子表达观点，使用连接词使内容连贯，并具体说明原因和改进方法。

示例: Yes, I think I spend too much time online because I often scroll through my smartphone and watch videos on social media. I should spend more time outdoors to relax and reduce stress.

建议: 回答有些断断续续，建议用完整句子表达，注意主谓一致和连贯性。可以具体描述没有网络时的活动。

示例: If I were in a place without internet, I would usually hang out outside with my friends and do activities like playing basketball.

× Well, if I remember rightly, the first time I started using the Internet it 15 years ago and I was a child and that's my first time played.

✓ Well, if I remember rightly, the first time I started using the Internet was 15 years ago and I was a child and that was my first time playing.

The sentence lacks the past tense verb 'was' after 'Internet' to indicate the time. Also, 'that's my first time played' is incorrect; it should be 'that was my first time playing' because 'playing' is the correct gerund form after 'time'. This corrects the past tense and verb form errors.

× Computer games on the Internet where my dad's computer computer.

✓ I played computer games on the Internet on my dad's computer.

The original sentence is incomplete and confusing. It lacks a subject and proper verb placement. The correction adds the subject 'I' and verb 'played' and clarifies the location with 'on my dad's computer' to form a complete and clear sentence.

× I go online. I have read a becaused the Internet is a necessary part of my daily life.

✓ I go online because the Internet is a necessary part of my daily life.

The original sentence is fragmented and contains a typo 'becaused'. Combining the ideas into one sentence with correct conjunction 'because' improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× I have to send messages or scroll, scroll social media and keep. Connection and communication with my friends and family members.

✓ I have to send messages, scroll social media, and keep connection and communication with my friends and family members.

The original sentence has unnecessary repetition 'scroll, scroll' and an incorrect period after 'keep'. The correction removes repetition, replaces the period with a comma, and connects the actions properly.

× Well, when I was in middle school that maybe the 10 years ago.

✓ Well, when I was in middle school, that was maybe 10 years ago.

The sentence misses the past tense verb 'was' before 'maybe' and has an unnecessary article 'the' before '10 years ago'. Adding 'was' and removing 'the' corrects the past tense and article usage.

× My mom she didn't her loan me to play the computer game on the Internet and because she thought that harm to my study and she bending me too.

✓ My mom didn't allow me to play computer games on the Internet because she thought it would harm my studies and she was strict with me too.

The original sentence misuses pronouns and verbs: 'she didn't her loan me' is incorrect. 'Loan' should be 'allow'. 'She bending me too' is unclear; 'was strict with me' conveys the intended meaning. Also, 'harm to my study' should be 'harm my studies'.

× To touch the computer that is extremely.

✓ Touching the computer was strictly forbidden.

The original sentence is incomplete and unclear. 'To touch the computer that is extremely' lacks meaning. The correction provides a clear and grammatically correct sentence expressing prohibition.

× Oh well. You are right, I'm sure I spend too much time online because I scroll my smart phone every day and watched watch the videos on the social medias.

✓ Oh well. You are right, I'm sure I spend too much time online because I scroll on my smartphone every day and watch videos on social media.

The sentence mixes present and past tense incorrectly: 'watched watch' is wrong. 'Scroll my smart phone' should be 'scroll on my smartphone'. 'Social medias' should be 'social media' as it is uncountable.

× Or well I guess I should be close to the nature and how my help me too and find another way to release my pressure.

✓ Well, I guess I should be closer to nature and that would help me find another way to relieve my stress.

'Should be close to the nature' should be 'closer to nature' (comparative adjective and no article). 'How my help me too' is incorrect; 'that would help me' is correct modal usage. 'Release my pressure' should be 'relieve my stress' for natural expression.

× Uhm, if I'm staying in the environment without Internet.

✓ Uhm, if I were staying in an environment without the Internet,

The conditional sentence about an unreal or hypothetical situation requires the subjunctive mood 'if I were' instead of 'if I'm'. Also, 'an environment' and 'the Internet' need articles.

× Usually I would like to hang out outside with my friend.

✓ Usually, I would like to hang out outside with my friends.

'Friend' should be plural 'friends' to match the usual context of hanging out with more than one person. Adding a comma after 'Usually' improves readability.

× And do some. Do some activities like playing basketball.

✓ And do some activities like playing basketball.

The sentence is fragmented with 'Do some.' repeated unnecessarily. Combining into one sentence improves fluency and correctness.