自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise, correct grammar and use a clear topic sentence. Avoid fillers and give specific details with linking words. For example, correct tense and plural/singular errors, replace fillers like “umm” and “literally,” and link ideas: state you received the bike, say when, explain learning process with time expression, and finish with result.

示例: I received a bicycle as a birthday present when I was five. My father taught me to ride it over the course of a week, practicing in the park every afternoon, so by the end of the week I could ride confidently on my own.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence, use specific observations and linking words, avoid repetition and fillers, and use correct plurality and natural phrasing. Mention reasons (cost, convenience, environment) or examples (commuting, markets) to support your view.

示例: Yes, bicycles are very popular in my country because they are cheap and convenient. For instance, I often see many people riding bikes to work and to the market, especially on busy streets, which makes them a common choice for short trips.

× Yeah, I got the bike when I was a child and I literally remember that it's my birthday present when I was five years old and I don't know how to ride on it.

✓ Yeah, I got the bike when I was a child and I literally remember that it was my birthday present when I was five years old and I didn't know how to ride it.

The sentence mixes past and present tenses. The events described happened in the past, so verbs should be in the past tense: 'it's' -> 'it was', 'don't know' -> 'didn't know'. Also 'ride on it' is unidiomatic; use 'ride it'. Maintain consistent past tense for clarity.

× And my dad taught me for, umm, I think one weeks and I finally learned that.

✓ And my dad taught me for, umm, I think one week and I finally learned it.

The phrase 'one weeks' is incorrect pluralization; with 'one' use singular 'week'. Also 'learned that' is awkward; use 'learned it' or 'learned how to ride'. Ensure past tense is used consistently ('taught', 'learned').

× Yes. I think it's popular because I saw that there are many bikes, umm, across the road and many of many people ride them to many places they want to go.

✓ Yes. I think they are popular because I saw many bikes across the road and a lot of people ride them to the places they want to go.

'It's popular' refers to 'bikes' (plural), so use 'they are popular' for agreement. 'Many of many people' is redundant and incorrect; use 'a lot of people' or 'many people'. 'Across the road' is acceptable but 'across the roads' or 'on the road' might be more natural depending on meaning; corrected to 'across the road'. Clean up redundancy and ensure subject-verb agreement.