自行车— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar and avoid repetition. Add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and phrasing (e.g., ‘a broken motorbike’ → ‘an old motorbike’).

示例: Yes, I did. My parents gave me an old motorbike for my tenth birthday, and at first I couldn’t ride it. However, after practising for about one or two months, I became confident riding it around my neighbourhood.

建议: Provide a clear topic sentence, avoid absolute statements, and add a specific reason or example with a linking word. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., ‘motorbikes’ or ‘scooters’, ‘affordable’).

示例: Yes, motorbikes are extremely popular in my country. They are affordable and practical for navigating crowded streets, so for example many commuters use them to get to work quickly during rush hour.

× Yes, I had a bike while I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

Use of 'while' is not ideal for a simple past time reference; 'when' is the correct subordinating conjunction to refer to a period in childhood.

× Basically it was a dead motorbike which my parents gifted to me on my birthday.

✓ Basically, it was a broken motorbike that my parents gave me for my birthday.

'Dead' is colloquial and odd for a motorbike; 'broken' is clearer. 'Gifted to me on my birthday' is grammatical but less natural than 'gave me for my birthday.' Use 'that' for defining clauses referring to things. Also add a comma after 'Basically' for natural phrasing.

× So at start I don't know how to ride it but after doing but after practicing it for one to two months I learnt.

✓ At the start I didn't know how to ride it, but after practicing for one to two months I learned.

Tense consistency requires past tense ('didn't know', 'learned') because the events happened in the past. Remove redundant words ('doing', duplicate 'but after'). Use a past simple form 'learned' (or 'learnt') and place negation correctly. Also add commas for clarity.

× Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are very cheap and convenient to drive, and every family in my country has at least one bike.

✓ Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are cheap and convenient to ride, and almost every family has at least one.

Maintain present simple tense is correct, but 'to drive' is better as 'to ride' for bikes. Repetition of 'in my country' is unnecessary; use 'almost every family' for natural quantifier. These changes improve word choice and concision while preserving tense.