音乐— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Clarify your main idea with a clear topic sentence, use correct grammar and relevant vocabulary, and limit to up to 4–5 concise sentences. State whether you prefer happy or sad music, give one specific reason, and give a brief example tied to everyday life. Use linking words (because, so, for example) correctly.

示例: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and helps me stay motivated. For example, when I study or do chores I play upbeat songs, which makes the tasks feel easier and helps me share a positive atmosphere with my family.

建议: Give a direct yes/no answer, then explain clearly with appropriate vocabulary and concise supporting detail. Avoid irrelevant or incorrect words. Use one linking word (for example, because) and a short, specific example of when happy music excites you.

示例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more energetic because of its fast tempo and lively melody. For example, I listen to cheerful pop songs when I exercise or before going out, and they boost my energy and confidence.

建议: Answer directly and give clear details about when and what you learned. Use correct tense and prepositions, avoid mentioning unrelated things (e.g., Facebook) unless relevant. Provide one specific example of what you studied or a skill you gained, using linking words like during, for example, or because.

示例: Yes, I took music classes in primary and secondary school, where I learned basic music theory and how to sing in a choir. For example, during secondary school we practiced rhythm exercises and I learned to read simple sheet music, which improved my singing and listening skills.

建议: This answer is mostly clear. Make it more natural by starting with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific activities and a brief reason. Use more precise verbs and avoid repetition. Keep to 2–4 sentences with a linking word such as for example or when.

示例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other activities because it helps me relax and concentrate. For example, I usually play upbeat playlists when I go running to keep my pace, and I listen to soft instrumental music when I study to stay focused.

× I figured I had to missions because it can help me to For example, I always do study and do heritage in my daily life and fighting shares that happiness throughout the practice of family members.

✓ I feel I have to smile because it can help me. For example, I always study and share happiness with my family in daily life.

The original sentence has many sentence structure problems: incorrect verbs and phrase order ('figured I had to missions'), unfinished clause ('help me to'), and unclear nouns ('do heritage', 'fighting shares'). Suggestion: simplify into clear clauses with correct verbs and objects, use parallel structure ('study and share'), and place time expressions ('in daily life') at the end. Use 'feel' instead of 'figured' to express a current state.

× That's why I like.

✓ That's why I like happy music.

The sentence is incomplete because the object is missing. Add the noun phrase that refers back to the question ('happy music') so the sentence is a complete idea.

× Yes, I feel sorry because I have no sex nowadays.

✓ Yes, I feel sad because I have had no social life lately.

'Feel sorry' is used incorrectly; in this context 'feel sad' expresses emotion. 'Have no sex' is inappropriate and likely a mistranslation; if the intended meaning is lack of social interaction, use 'have had no social life' or 'haven't been social'. Use 'lately' or 'nowadays' with present perfect to show recent continuous state.

× Also be red and grazed to lead me to be more excited.

✓ Also, bright and upbeat music makes me more excited.

The original uses fragments and wrong words ('be red and grazed'). Replace with clear subject and verb: 'upbeat music makes me more excited'. Use adjectives that describe music and a full verb phrase.

× For example, I always listen to cheerful music and radio translation like daily life.

✓ For example, I always listen to cheerful music and the radio in my daily life.

'Radio translation' is unclear; likely meant 'the radio'. Place 'in my daily life' at the end and include definite article 'the' before 'radio'. Ensure parallel nouns ('cheerful music and the radio').

× Yes I have. It is my primary school and secondary school.

✓ Yes, I have. I took classes in primary and secondary school.

Original 'It is my primary school and secondary school' is ungrammatical. Use 'I took classes' to indicate participation, and 'in primary and secondary school' to indicate timing/setting.

× I have a lot of times to learn about the music in Facebook.

✓ I have spent a lot of time learning about music on Facebook.

'Have a lot of times' is incorrect; use 'have spent a lot of time' or 'have had many opportunities'. Use gerund 'learning' after 'spent time' and preposition 'on' for platforms ('on Facebook').

× I for example, I always ask some interesting questions about music from my teachers.

✓ For example, I always ask my teachers interesting questions about music.

Remove redundant pronoun 'I' and change preposition 'from my teachers' to use object 'ask my teachers questions'. Keep natural word order: subject 'I', verb 'ask', indirect object 'my teachers', then direct object.

× It can help me to know.

✓ This helps me learn more about music.

'It can help me to know' is vague and unnatural. Use 'helps me learn more' to express that asking questions increases knowledge.

× Yes I do because it helps me to relax and try to focus.

✓ Yes, I do because it helps me relax and focus.

After 'helps' the base verb (without to) or gerund is acceptable; omit 'to' for conciseness: 'helps me relax and focus'.

× For example, I always listen to the song and achieve those music when I'm running.

✓ For example, I always listen to songs and enjoy that music when I'm running.

'Listen to the song' should be plural 'songs' for general habits. 'Achieve those music' is incorrect; use 'enjoy that music'. Also use 'when I'm running' is correct. Use appropriate verbs with direct objects ('listen to', 'enjoy music').

× It can help me to relax and focus.

✓ It helps me relax and focus.

Use present simple 'helps' for habitual truth and remove unnecessary 'to' after 'help'. This makes the sentence more natural and concise.