音乐— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and avoid filler words (e.g. "umm"). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Replace vague phrases like "make me feel chilled" with clearer descriptors and avoid repeating the same idea ("make me feel more happy and comfortable").

示例: I prefer happy music. For example, when I drive I play upbeat pop because its lively rhythm helps me stay alert and improves my mood, making the journey more pleasant.

建议: Avoid redundancy and contradictory descriptors. Give one clear reason and one brief example. Use linking words (e.g. "because", "for example") and choose precise vocabulary—'upbeat' or 'energetic' instead of 'very chill, chilling and enthusiastic.'

示例: Yes. Happy music usually has an upbeat tempo and strong rhythm, so it energizes me; for example, an energetic pop song makes me want to move and boosts my motivation.

建议: Correct tense and grammar: use past tense for past activities ("I learned"). Remove fillers and extra words. Provide a concise structure: topic sentence + a specific effect or example. Clarify the emotional benefit with a linking phrase like "because" or "for instance."

示例: Yes. When I was young I learned to play the piano, and later I taught myself guitar online. These skills help me relax and lift my mood when I'm feeling stressed, for example by playing a familiar song to calm down.

建议: Be specific about how music helps and avoid awkward phrasing (e.g. "expand the time for setting"). Use linking words like "because" and give one concrete effect (e.g. improves focus or reduces stress). Keep it within 3–4 sentences and correct modal/tense use ("helps" not "would help").

示例: Yes, I often listen to music while studying because mellow, happy music reduces my anxiety and helps me concentrate better. For instance, listening to instrumental tracks makes long revision sessions feel less tiring and helps me study for longer.

× I prefer happy music over sad music because umm, I often listen to music when I'm driving, so listening to happy music will make me feel chilled and will make me feel more happy and comfortable, which is very enjoyable for me.

✓ I prefer happy music over sad music because I often listen to music when I'm driving, so listening to happy music makes me feel relaxed and happier and more comfortable, which I find very enjoyable.

The original mixes present simple with future 'will' in a general statement. Replace 'will make me feel' with present simple 'makes' for habitual effects. 'Chilled' is informal and awkward; use 'relaxed'. Also use 'happier' (comparative) not 'more happy'. Remove filler 'umm' and unnecessary repetition for clarity. Grammar problem type ID:6

× Yes, obviously happy music makes me feel more excited because having music often has a fast pace paced and the beat and the tone is often very chill, chilling and enthusiastic.

✓ Yes, obviously happy music makes me feel more excited because it often has a fast pace, and the beat and the tone are usually lively and enthusiastic.

The sentence contains redundancy and incorrect phrase 'having music often has a fast pace paced'. Replace with 'it often has a fast pace'. Use plural verb 'are' to match 'beat and tone'. 'Chill, chilling' is contradictory to 'excited'; 'lively' fits better. This fixes sentence structure and word choice. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Yes umm when I was young I learn how to play piano and I also learn how to play guitar online myself.

✓ Yes, when I was young I learned how to play the piano and I also learned how to play the guitar online by myself.

The action happened in the past, so use past tense 'learned' not present 'learn'. Add definite article 'the' before instrument names. 'By myself' is clearer than 'myself' alone. Remove filler 'umm'. Grammar problem type ID:5

× I feel like learning how to play music could really pull me out when I'm I feel sad or I'm worried down on some days.

✓ I feel like learning how to play music can really pull me out when I feel sad or worried on some days.

Mixed modal verbs: 'could' suggests possibility but present habitual effect fits 'can'. Remove duplicate 'I'm' and awkward 'worried down' -> 'worried'. Simplify to 'on some days'. This corrects tense/modal and word order. Grammar problem type ID:6

× Yes, especially when I'm studying. This is because UMM music would help me to relax myself from a boring exam preparation.

✓ Yes, especially when I'm studying. This is because music helps me relax during boring exam preparation.

Use present simple 'helps' for general truth, not conditional 'would help'. 'Relax myself from' is unnatural; use 'helps me relax during'. Remove filler 'UMM'. Grammar problem type ID:6

× Thus, I feel like listening to happy music while studying will UMM improve my concentration and also expand the time for setting.

✓ Thus, I feel that listening to happy music while studying improves my concentration and also helps me study for longer periods.

Mix of 'will' and filler 'UMM' is inappropriate; use present simple 'improves' for habitual effect. 'Expand the time for setting' is unclear; replace with 'helps me study for longer periods'. This fixes modal usage and clarifies meaning. Grammar problem type ID:4