音乐— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific supporting detail and a short example. Avoid repetitions and fix grammar errors (e.g. "It helps", "because" not "'cause"). Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas.

示例: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and energizes me. For example, upbeat pop songs make me feel more optimistic and motivated when I walk to school, so I usually choose them when I need a boost.

建议: Answer directly, then give a specific example and concise reason. Improve clarity by removing redundancy (don't repeat "makes me feel excited" many times) and by naming the music style clearly. Use one linking phrase like "for example" or "because".

示例: Yes, happy music makes me feel excited because of its fast tempo and bright melodies. For example, when I listen to Shauna music from my country, the lively rhythms make me feel vibrant and energized, so I often play it before exercising.

建议: Keep the answer focused and correct mistakes. Start with a clear statement about taking music classes, give one or two concise facts (when and what you learned), and avoid irrelevant or incorrect statements (you said "English classes" by mistake). Use linking words like "when" and "so" appropriately.

示例: Yes, I took music classes in school when I was in Form One, about five or six years ago. The lessons were compulsory and the teacher taught us basic music theory and singing, which helped me enjoy music more.

建议: Give a clear topic sentence, one specific reason, and a short example of when you do this. Fix grammar (e.g. "AirPods" and "it helps me"). Use a linking word like "because" to explain why.

示例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing chores because it helps me focus and makes the tasks more enjoyable. For instance, I put on my AirPods and play upbeat playlists when washing dishes, which makes me work faster and ignore interruptions from my siblings.

× It's helps you express your emotions and feelings.

✓ It helps you express your emotions and feelings.

The subject 'It' is singular and requires the verb 'help' in third person singular form 'helps' without the contraction 'It's'. The original 'It's helps' incorrectly combines 'It is' with a verb. Use 'It helps' to mean 'Music helps'. Suggestion: Remove the extra 'is' and write 'It helps...'.

× So if I'm listening to happy music then I'll be happy rather than when I'm listening to sad music, whereby it makes me.

✓ So if I'm listening to happy music, I'll be happier than when I'm listening to sad music, which makes me sad.

The original sentence has mixed clauses and an incorrect use of 'whereby it makes me'. 'Rather than' needs comparable adjectives and 'which' is the correct relative pronoun to refer to the clause about sad music. Also use comparative 'happier' to compare states. Suggestion: Use clearer comparative structure and 'which' to link the effect of sad music.

× As I mentioned, music helps me express my feelings. So yes, it does make me feel more excited. This is because when I'm listening to happy music, for example, usually when I'm listening to music from my country Shauna music, I feel more excited and more vibrant when I'm listening to it.

✓ As I mentioned, music helps me express my feelings. Yes, it does make me feel more excited. For example, when I listen to music from my country, Shauna music, I feel more excited and more vibrant.

Redundant and awkward repetition of 'when I'm listening to' and tense mixing makes the sentence clumsy. Use simple present 'I listen' or present continuous consistently. Removing repeated phrases improves clarity. Suggestion: Use shorter clauses and consistent tense: 'when I listen to...'.

× This was when I was in form one. There was like 5-6 years ago, we had a music teacher at school and music was a subject, so we would take music as a subject for everyone.

✓ This was when I was in form one, about 5–6 years ago. We had a music teacher at school and music was a subject, so we took music as a compulsory subject for everyone.

'There was like 5-6 years ago' is incorrect structure; use 'about 5–6 years ago'. 'We would take music as a subject for everyone' is awkward; use 'we took music as a compulsory subject'. Prepositions and phrasing corrected for natural English. Suggestion: Use 'about' for approximate time and 'compulsory subject' to indicate requirement.

× So yes, I did take English classes.

✓ So yes, I did take music classes.

This sentence contradicts the topic: question asked about music classes but the student says 'English classes', likely a slip. Pronoun not issue but wrong noun. Correct to 'music classes' to answer coherently. Suggestion: Ensure the noun matches the question topic.

× Yes, I listen to music mostly I do this when I'm doing chores or when I'm just in a bad mood, but mainly when I'm doing chores.

✓ Yes, I mostly listen to music when I'm doing chores or when I'm in a bad mood, but mainly when I'm doing chores.

Run-on sentence due to missing conjunction/punctuation and awkward word order. Place adverb 'mostly' before main verb and remove redundant phrase. Suggestion: Put 'mostly' before the verb: 'I mostly listen to music...' and avoid repeating the same clause.

× This is because I don't like being disturbed. I don't like any disturbance from my siblings so I prefer to put my Airpods and listen to music and helps me do my work faster.

✓ This is because I don't like being disturbed. I don't like any disturbance from my siblings, so I prefer to put on my AirPods and listen to music, which helps me finish my work faster.

Problems: 'put my Airpods' missing preposition 'on'; 'helps me' lacks a clear subject — use 'which helps' to refer to listening to music. 'finish my work faster' is more natural than 'do my work faster'. Suggestion: Use 'put on' for headphones and link clauses with 'which' to show cause-effect.