教师— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer is relevant and mostly natural, but it repeats similar ideas (“enthusiastic about teaching” and “excellent at teaching”) and could be more specific. Keep it concise (max 5 sentences), use one clear topic sentence, then add a concrete detail or short example. Use a linking phrase to connect the qualities to their effect on you.

示例: Yes. My favorite teacher from high school taught mathematics and inspired me with his energetic lessons. For example, he used real-world problems and extra practice sessions that made difficult concepts clear, so I improved my grades and enjoyed studying math more.

建议: Good direct answer and relevant details. To improve, begin with a concise topic sentence then use linking words to add specifics (when, how often, or an example). Slightly vary vocabulary (e.g., show → demonstrate) and avoid small grammatical slips (‘assistant teacher of Capital’ could be phrased more naturally).

示例: Yes — I already teach as an assistant instructor of Capoeira, a Brazilian martial art. I regularly lead classes for children twice a week, demonstrating difficult moves and then guiding students through rhythm and technique so they can practice safely and improve.

建议: The response is clear and coherent but repeats information from an earlier answer. To be stronger, briefly mention a specific memory or anecdote about the teacher and use a linking word to show cause and effect. Keep it within five sentences.

示例: Yes. I remember my high school math teacher who always stayed after class to explain problems to students. Because he encouraged us and provided extra worksheets, I kept studying consistently and eventually my grades improved.

建议: Answer is relevant but a bit lengthy and slightly repetitive (multiple moves). Use a single clear topic sentence, then add one concise supporting detail (where and why you moved). Avoid listing too many places without tying them to the point.

示例: No, I am not in touch with them because I moved when I was a child. I lived first in Gunma Prefecture and in Indonesia, but then my family relocated to Tokyo for my father’s work, so we lost contact with those teachers.

建议: The intent is good, but the answer has unnatural phrasing and informal language (‘gotta’, awkward clauses). Make one clear topic sentence about how the teacher helped, then give one or two specific, well-phrased effects using linking words. Use formal vocabulary appropriate for IELTS.

示例: He helped me develop study habits and self-discipline. For example, he taught me to set clear goals and maintain motivation by giving regular feedback, which helped me stay focused and steadily improve my performance.

建议: Clear comparison and reason given. To improve, make the contrast sharper with linking words (whereas/howas) and add a specific example of the practical knowledge from high school. Keep it concise and natural.

示例: No, I prefer my high school teachers because they taught more practical subjects like algebra and scientific thinking. In contrast, primary school teachers focused on social skills and cooperation, which were useful but less academic.

× I give classes to children and students where I show them difficult moves and help them practice rhythm and technique.

✓ I give classes to children and students where I show them difficult moves and help them practice rhythm and technique.

No correction needed: the verbs 'give', 'show', and 'help' correctly match the first person singular subject 'I'. This sentence is grammatically correct for present tense description of current duties.

× I was living in Guma Prefecture and Indonesia.

✓ I lived in Gunma Prefecture and in Indonesia.

Use simple past 'lived' instead of past continuous 'was living' because the context describes past residence rather than an ongoing past action; also correct the place name 'Gunma'. Use 'in' before both locations for parallel structure.

× I moved to Tokyo in my childhood.

✓ I moved to Tokyo when I was a child.

Use 'when I was a child' to indicate time of childhood. 'In my childhood' is awkward in this context; 'when I was a child' is the natural English phrasing.

× I need to stay focused on what I gotta have to do and in order to achieve my goal, and also I should keep my motivations in order to drive myself toward the goal as well.

✓ I need to stay focused on what I have to do in order to achieve my goal, and I should also keep myself motivated to drive myself toward that goal.

Replace informal 'gotta' with 'have to'. Use 'have to do' rather than 'have to have to do'. 'Keep my motivations' is awkward; use 'keep myself motivated'. Simplify phrasing and maintain parallel structure: 'in order to' and 'to' are sufficient; avoid redundancy like 'as well' and 'also' together.

× He was not only enthusiastic about teaching, but also excellent at teaching students and motivating them to study more.

✓ He was not only enthusiastic about teaching, but also excellent at motivating students to study more.

Avoid repeating 'teaching' twice. Use parallel structure after 'not only... but also': both parts should be comparable. Combine roles: 'enthusiastic about teaching' and 'excellent at motivating students'.

× That is why I could keep studying and in the end, I improved my grades.

✓ That is why I kept studying, and in the end I improved my grades.

Use simple past 'kept studying' to match 'improved' and maintain tense consistency. Remove the comma after 'end' and keep smoother phrasing.

× At primary school, I basically learned the discipline of living in a group or in cooperation with my friends.

✓ At primary school, I basically learned the discipline of living in a group and cooperating with my friends.

Use parallel gerund forms: 'living' and 'cooperating'. Replace 'in cooperation with' with 'cooperating with' for conciseness and parallel structure.