教师— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details (e.g., what made him special, one memory). Use linking words to connect ideas and vary vocabulary to avoid repeating "used to" many times.

示例: My favourite teacher was Fawaz Aladeep, who taught me from first to fourth grade. He stood out because he taught every subject with patience and made lessons enjoyable, so we spent many long days in his class. Because of his encouragement, I developed a strong interest in learning.

建议: Give a direct topic sentence, then add a clear specific example and finish with a short reason. Avoid vague phrases like "for example" without completing the thought. Use linking words (e.g., "because," "therefore") to make your point logical and complete your sentences.

示例: Yes, I would like to be a teacher in the future because I enjoy explaining things and helping others learn. For example, as a teaching assistant between medical school and residency I taught clinical skills to junior students, and I found it rewarding when they understood difficult concepts. Therefore, I hope to teach again and develop my communication skills further.

建议: Answer directly and avoid hesitation. Provide one concise reason why this teacher stands out, using specific detail (a trait, a lesson, or an event). Use a linking word like "because" to connect reason and example.

示例: Yes, I still remember my old teacher Fawaz Aladeep because he taught me for several years and inspired my study habits. He was patient and explained difficult topics clearly, which made his lessons memorable for me.

建议: Good clear answer with specific supporting details. To improve, begin with a slightly fuller topic sentence and use one linking phrase to structure your reasons (e.g., "mainly because"). Keep it concise and avoid slightly awkward phrases like "the old good days."

示例: Not really — I keep in touch only occasionally. Mainly I follow their updates on social media, and when I visit home I sometimes meet them and we chat about old times. Because we live in different places and are at different stages in life, we don’t stay in close contact.

建议: Be more specific about how he helped you — give one or two concrete ways (advice, habits, skills) and link them with logical connectors. Avoid vague phrases like "knew pretty much something about everything."

示例: He helped me by teaching me to set clear goals and by modelling good study habits. For instance, he advised us to organise our time and encouraged curiosity, which inspired me to plan my education and career more deliberately.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid fillers (uh, I would say) and imprecise phrases. Use comparative language correctly and provide a short example of how the relationship was stronger.

示例: I prefer my high school teachers because we formed stronger personal connections as we matured. For example, they involved us in class discussions and took time to listen to our concerns, so we developed closer, more supportive relationships than with primary teachers.

× He used to be my teacher in the 1st grade of school.

✓ He was my teacher in the first grade at school.

'Used to be' is acceptable to express past habitual states, but here simple past 'was' is clearer and more natural. Also '1st' should be written as 'first' and 'of school' is better as 'at school'. Use simple past for a specific past role.

× He used to teach me pretty much everything.

✓ He taught me pretty much everything.

For past habitual actions either 'used to teach' or simple past 'taught' are possible; using simple past 'taught' matches the other simplified corrections and sounds more natural in this narrative context.

× He used to teach us all subjects for all topics.

✓ He taught us all subjects across various topics.

'Used to teach' can be replaced by simple past 'taught'. 'For all topics' is awkward; 'across various topics' is clearer. Keep tense consistent.

× We used to see him for like 8 or 9 hours every day and he used to be my my teacher for the first three or four years of school.

✓ We saw him for about eight or nine hours every day, and he was my teacher for the first three or four years of school.

Replace repeated 'used to' with simple past 'saw' and 'was' for clarity. Write numbers in words in formal speech. Also remove duplicated 'my'. 'About' is better than 'like' in formal correction.

× I kind of had the experience of being a teacher at some point during my career.

✓ I had some experience of teaching at one point in my career.

'Kind of' is informal and vague; remove it for clarity. Use 'had some experience of teaching' instead of 'the experience of being a teacher' for natural phrasing. Maintain past tense.

× I worked as a teaching assistant during my transition from medical school to residency, and it was a pleasant experience to see how people can understand what I told them, for example, or being able to.

✓ I worked as a teaching assistant during my transition from medical school to residency, and it was pleasant to see how people could understand what I told them.

Mixing past ('worked') with present modal 'can' is inconsistent; use past 'could'. The phrase 'for example, or being able to' is incomplete and unclear, so remove it. Keep sentence complete and consistent in tense.

× I think Fawaza Ladib is the one who stands out the most because he used to be my teacher for three or four years.

✓ I think Fawaz Aladeep is the one who stands out the most because he was my teacher for three or four years.

Name was inconsistent with earlier 'Fawaz Aladeep'; use the same name for clarity. Also replace 'used to be' with simple past 'was' for consistency. Ensure pronoun 'he' correctly refers to that teacher.

× I see their stories and news about them online on social media.

✓ I see their stories and news about them on social media.

Both 'online' and 'on social media' are redundant; choose 'on social media'. 'See their stories' is acceptable; remove unnecessary word 'online'.

× Sometimes when I visit back home, if I see them in the street or somewhere in public, I say hi and we start talking about the old good days.

✓ Sometimes when I visit home, if I see them in the street or in public, I say hi and we start talking about the good old days.

Use 'visit home' rather than 'visit back home'. 'In the street or in public' is more natural. 'The old good days' should be 'the good old days.' Adjust word order accordingly.

× But we haven't been in close contact because of the age difference and being in two different places.

✓ But we haven't been in close contact because of the age difference and living in two different places.

Replace awkward gerund phrase 'being in two different places' with 'living in two different places' to clarify reason. Keeps present perfect 'haven't been' appropriate.

× I think he had me formulate a good plan in life in general.

✓ I think he helped me formulate a good life plan in general.

Use 'helped me formulate' to show influence; 'had me formulate' is awkward. 'Good life plan' is clearer than 'plan in life'.

× I saw him as a role model, especially that he knew pretty much something about everything.

✓ I saw him as a role model, especially because he seemed to know something about almost everything.

'Especially that' is incorrect; use 'especially because'. 'Knew pretty much something about everything' is awkward; 'seemed to know something about almost everything' is more natural.

× And that's the person I have always seen myself or imagine myself being in life.

✓ He is the kind of person I have always imagined myself becoming in life.

Original mixes tenses and structures: 'have always seen myself or imagine myself being' is ungrammatical. Use 'have always imagined myself becoming' to express ongoing aspiration; keep present perfect 'have imagined' consistent.

× Uh, the reason is because we built a much stronger relationship, especially that we grew up a little bit more.

✓ The reason is that we built a much stronger relationship, especially because we had grown up a little more.

Avoid redundant 'is because'; use 'is that' or 'because'. 'Especially that' is incorrect; use 'especially because'. Use past perfect 'had grown up' to show earlier change relative to the relationship formation.

× So they used to listen to us much more, I would say, and we established very good relationship with them compared to the young, uh, school, the primary school teachers.

✓ So they listened to us much more, I would say, and we established a very good relationship with them compared to our primary school teachers.

Replace 'used to listen' with simple past 'listened' for consistency. 'Established very good relationship' needs an article: 'a very good relationship.' Remove filler 'the young, uh, school' and use 'our primary school teachers' for clarity.