公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and structured: begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler words (e.g., “uh”) and vague phrases like “and so on.” Use linking words (e.g., “for example,” “also”) to make your answer coherent.

示例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often went there after school to play on the swings and make new friends, and I usually joined group games organized by other kids.

建议: Give a direct topic sentence, then explain specific reasons and use linking words. Avoid absolute language like “hate” if you mean dislike; correct grammar (e.g., “go to parks,” “closed places?” likely meant “indoors” or “closer places”).

示例: Not much, especially in summer, because parks can be very hot and crowded. Instead, I prefer going to indoor places such as cafés or libraries where it is cooler and I can relax or meet friends comfortably.

建议: Clarify your idea with one clear reason and a specific detail. Avoid unclear phrases like “2030 version” and grammatical errors. Use linking words (e.g., “because,” “for example”) and more precise vocabulary (e.g., “green spaces,” “urban development”).

示例: Yes, I would, because more green spaces improve air quality and people’s wellbeing. For example, creating large urban parks with trees, walking paths and playgrounds would encourage outdoor exercise and community events.

建议: Start with a clear topic sentence saying which park you mean, then give two specific features you want to experience. Correct grammar and word choice (e.g., “a huge park with many trees and a large pool for swimming”). Use linking words like “for example” or “such as.”

示例: Yes, I would like to visit a famous park in Vietnam that I heard about. For example, it has many trees, a large swimming pool and outdoor exercise areas where I could swim and try different workouts.

× I spent most of my childhood at the park, uh, searching for new friends and talking with others and playing and so on.

✓ I spent most of my childhood at the park searching for new friends, talking with others, playing, and so on.

The original sentence uses multiple -ing forms connected by 'and' which is acceptable, but punctuation and redundancy make it awkward. Use commas to separate parallel gerunds for clarity and remove filler 'uh'. This keeps the past continuous/gerund structure consistent and improves fluency.

× I don't think so. Especially in the summer. I hate to go parks. I prefer to go in close places like cafe or something like that.

✓ I don't think so, especially in the summer. I hate going to parks. I prefer going to nearby places like cafes or something like that.

'Hate to go parks' is incorrect: after 'hate' the gerund form 'going' is natural when speaking about general dislike. Also 'go parks' needs the preposition 'to' and 'parks' should be plural when speaking generally. 'Close places' is awkward; use 'nearby places' and pluralize 'cafe' to 'cafes' when speaking generically. Combine short sentences with a comma for better flow.

× Yes, of course I would. Especially in the 2030 version they are developed to work with a green and develop a new parks and big parks to have a green life.

✓ Yes, of course I would. Especially in the 2030 plan, they will be developed to be greener, with new and larger parks to promote a greener life.

The original has several issues: 'the 2030 version' is unclear—'2030 plan' is better. 'They are developed' mixes tenses and passive voice awkwardly; use future passive 'will be developed' to match intent. 'Work with a green' is ungrammatical; use 'to be greener' or 'to promote greenery'. 'Develop a new parks' has article/number mismatch: use 'new parks' or 'a new park'. 'Big parks' is better as 'larger parks'. Overall adjust articles, plurality, and verb tense for clarity.

× In Vietnam there are a huge park with the green trees with a huge pole to swim and to do a lot of exercise there, so I would like to visit it in the future maybe.

✓ In Vietnam there is a huge park with green trees, a large pool for swimming, and many places to exercise, so I would like to visit it in the future.

The sentence mixes plural and singular: 'there are a huge park' is incorrect; use 'there is a huge park'. 'The green trees' can be simplified to 'green trees'. 'A huge pole to swim' is likely 'a large pool for swimming'—'pole' is wrong word. 'To do a lot of exercise there' is wordy; use 'places to exercise' or 'areas for exercise'. Remove 'maybe' at the end if unsure placement; keep sentence concise and maintain subject-verb agreement.