公园— Part 1 评分报告

建议: ข้อเสนอแนะ: ตอบตรงคำถามด้วยประโยคหัวข้อที่ชัดเจน ปรับไวยากรณ์ (tense, articles, plural/singular) และใช้รายละเอียดเฉพาะที่เกี่ยวข้อง เช่น เหตุผลว่าชอบอะไรในสวน โดยหลีกเลี่ยงคำซ้ำและคำไม่จำเป็น ควรจำกัดไม่เกิน 4-5 ประโยค ตัวอย่างจุดที่ต้องแก้คือ ‘a shy’ -> ‘shy child’, ‘my mom like’ -> ‘my mom liked’, ‘play a cop’ -> ‘pretend to be a policeman’.

示例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My mother often took me there to learn how to ride a bicycle, and my father liked to play with me, pretending to be a policeman. I enjoyed the open space and the chance to play with other children. Those visits made me feel happy and more confident.

建议: ข้อเสนอแนะ: ตอบตรงคำถามและพัฒนาโครงสร้างให้เป็นธรรมชาติ ปรับคำศัพท์และไวยากรณ์ (‘Now today’ ไม่จำเป็น, ‘learning at the morning’ -> ‘studying in the morning’) เพิ่ม linking word เช่น ‘because’ หรือ ‘so’ อย่างเหมาะสม และให้รายละเอียดเฉพาะว่าเกี่ยวกับกิจกรรมหรือประโยชน์อย่างไร เช่น การเดินกับหมา, การอ่านหนังสือ, หรืออากาศบริสุทธิ์

示例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I usually take my dog for a walk in the morning because I like the fresh air and quiet atmosphere. I often sit on a bench to study or read, which helps me concentrate better. Going there daily gives me energy for the day.

建议: ข้อเสนอแนะ: ปรับให้เป็นประโยคเชิงเหตุผลที่ชัดเจน ใช้คำศัพท์ที่ถูกต้องและสอดคล้อง (เช่น ‘more parks’, ‘people more mobile’ ควรอธิบายว่า ‘encourage people to exercise’), ใช้ linking words เช่น ‘because’ หรือ ‘so’ และให้ตัวอย่างเฉพาะของประโยชน์ เช่น ลดมลพิษ เพิ่มพื้นที่นันทนาการ

示例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they encourage people to be more active and provide clean, green spaces. More parks can reduce air pollution and offer places for families to relax and exercise. For example, a new park near my neighborhood would give children a safe place to play and improve local air quality.

建议: ข้อเสนอแนะ: ตอบตรงคำถามด้วยประโยคหัวข้อและให้เหตุผลเฉพาะว่าทำไมอยากไป อธิบายแหล่งที่มาของข้อมูล (เช่น เห็นในหนัง) อย่างเป็นธรรมชาติ แก้ไวยากรณ์และการใช้คำ (‘In same day’ -> ‘One day’; ‘a lot of activity to do like reading a book or bicycle’ -> ‘many activities such as reading or cycling’). ไม่ต้องถามกลับเป็นคำถามปิดท้าย

示例: One day I would love to visit Central Park in New York. I saw it in a movie and it looked huge with many activities available, such as reading on a quiet bench, cycling, and watching street performances. I think it would be great to explore different areas of the park and join local events there.

× When I was a shy I often went to a park because my mom like to bring me to buy like a bicycle and my father also love to play a cop at the park.

✓ When I was shy I often went to the park because my mom liked to bring me to buy a bicycle and my father also loved to play a cop at the park.

Several article and related grammar issues: 'a shy' should be 'shy' (adjective after 'was' doesn't need an article) and 'a park' should be 'the park' if referring to a specific park visited as a child. Also tense and agreement errors corrected: 'like' -> 'liked' and 'love' -> 'loved' to match past tense. Suggestion: remove unnecessary articles before adjectives, use 'the' when referring to a specific place, and keep past tense consistent.

× When I was a shy I often went to a park because my mom like to bring me to buy like a bicycle and my father also love to play a cop at the park.

✓ When I was shy I often went to the park because my mom liked to bring me to buy a bicycle and my father also loved to play a cop at the park.

Subjects 'my mom' and 'my father' are third person singular and require verbs with -ed in past tense: 'liked' and 'loved'. Suggestion: for past narration, change verbs to past form: 'liked', 'loved'.

× When I was a shy I often went to a park because my mom like to bring me to buy like a bicycle and my father also love to play a cop at the park.

✓ When I was shy I often went to the park because my mom liked to bring me to buy a bicycle and my father also loved to play a cop at the park.

The word 'like' is used incorrectly as a filler and before 'a bicycle' makes it unclear; remove redundant 'like' and keep 'a bicycle' if referring to one. Suggestion: avoid filler 'like' and use clear quantifiers or articles.

× Now today I still love to go to a park because I usually bring a dog to walk and I like learning at the morning, so it's very nice to go to a park every day.

✓ Nowadays I still love going to the park because I usually take my dog for a walk and I like studying in the morning, so it is very nice to go to the park every day.

Problems: 'Now today' is redundant; use 'Nowadays' or 'Today'. 'To go to a park' vs 'going to the park' consistency; 'bring a dog to walk' should be 'take my dog for a walk'. 'Learning at the morning' should be 'studying in the morning'. Use consistent article 'the park' when speaking of a habitual place. Suggestion: remove redundancy, use correct collocations ('take for a walk', 'in the morning'), and maintain consistent verb forms.

× I would love to see more park in my city.

✓ I would love to see more parks in my city.

'Park' should be plural 'parks' after 'more' because 'more' modifies a countable noun meaning a greater number. Suggestion: use plural with 'more' when referring to countable items.

× In my point of view, I believe that man more mobile can make more clean space, and clean space also created some fresh air.

✓ In my point of view, I believe that more mobile people can create cleaner spaces, and clean spaces also produce fresher air.

Issues: word order and choice—'man more mobile' should be 'more mobile people'. 'Make more clean space' should be 'create cleaner spaces' (adjective order and comparative). 'Also created' incorrect tense; use present 'produce' for general truth. Suggestion: use correct noun phrases ('more mobile people'), comparative adjectives before nouns ('cleaner spaces'), and present tense for general statements.

× Now today I still love to go to a park because I usually bring a dog to walk and I like learning at the morning, so it's very nice to go to a park every day.

✓ Nowadays I still love going to the park because I usually take my dog for a walk and I like studying in the morning, so it is very nice to go to the park every day.

Use gerund 'going' after 'love' for habitual actions. 'Bring a dog to walk' should use 'take' + object + 'for a walk'. 'Like learning' can be 'like studying' or 'enjoy learning'—use gerund forms. Suggestion: after verbs like 'love' and 'like' use gerunds for activities and correct collocations.

× In same day I want to go to the Central Park at New York because I I watch a movie, I see that park is very large and a lot of activity to do like reading a book or bicycle. Is this very attractive?

✓ Someday I want to go to Central Park in New York because I saw it in a movie; I saw that the park is very large and has a lot of activities to do, like reading a book or riding a bicycle. Is it very attractive?

'In same day' unclear — use 'Someday' or 'One day'. 'the Central Park at New York' should be 'Central Park in New York' (no 'the' before proper park name). 'I I watch a movie' corrected to past tense 'I saw it in a movie'. 'A lot of activity to do' needs 'has a lot of activities to do'. 'Or bicycle' should be 'or riding a bicycle'. Final question should be 'Is it very attractive?' Suggestion: use correct prepositions for places, proper names without articles, past tense for past viewing, and correct verb forms for activities.

× In same day I want to go to the Central Park at New York because I I watch a movie, I see that park is very large and a lot of activity to do like reading a book or bicycle. Is this very attractive?

✓ Someday I want to go to Central Park in New York because I saw it in a movie; I saw that the park is very large and has a lot of activities to do, like reading a book or riding a bicycle. Is it very attractive?

Tense inconsistency: 'I want' is present desire (acceptable), but 'I watch a movie' should be past 'I saw' if referring to a movie previously viewed. Use past tense when describing what you observed. Suggestion: use past simple 'saw' for the action of watching the movie.

× In same day I want to go to the Central Park at New York because I I watch a movie, I see that park is very large and a lot of activity to do like reading a book or bicycle. Is this very attractive?

✓ Someday I want to go to Central Park in New York because I saw it in a movie; I saw that the park is very large and has a lot of activities to do, like reading a book or riding a bicycle. Is it very attractive?

Pronoun/reference issues: 'that park' needs 'the park' for clear reference. Also duplicate 'I I' is a typo. 'Is this very attractive?' should be 'Is it very attractive?' Suggestion: ensure pronouns clearly refer to nouns and remove duplicate words.