视图— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm, kind of), and use appropriate pronouns (I, not we/occur). Add one or two specific reasons or an example and link them with a simple connector (because/so). Keep it under five sentences.

示例: Yes, I love taking photos of different views. I take pictures everywhere I go because they help me capture special moments and remember how I felt. For example, when I look at photos later they cheer me up, so they are like a personal photo album.

建议: Give a direct statement, then support it with specific reasons and linkers. Avoid repetition and hesitations. Use precise vocabulary (countryside, peaceful, fresh air) and combine short fragments into coherent sentences.

示例: I prefer rural views, especially the countryside, because they are more peaceful and less crowded. Moreover, the open fields and trees provide fresh air, which helps me relax and clear my mind.

建议: Clarify your preference before adding details. Avoid unclear words and repetition. State whether you prefer local or foreign views, then give a specific reason and an example. Use linking words such as but or however if comparing options.

示例: I prefer views in other countries because I enjoy seeing landscapes and beaches that are different from my city. For instance, a seaside view abroad usually has wide sandy beaches and clear water, which feels more relaxing than being surrounded by buildings at home.

× Definitely, yes, we occur, umm, kind of, umm kind of love taking some pictures everywhere I go and every time to capture the moments at that time and I can.

✓ Definitely. Yes, I kind of love taking pictures everywhere I go and at any time to capture the moments.

The original sentence has multiple disfluencies and incorrect pronoun 'we' and verb 'occur' that do not fit context; this is a sentence structure error. Replace 'we occur' with 'I' to match the speaker and simplify redundant phrases. Remove filler words and streamline: 'every time to capture the moments at that time' is repetitive; use 'at any time to capture the moments.' This improves clarity and grammatical correctness. Suggested improvement: plan the sentence before speaking, avoid fillers like 'umm' and redundant phrases, and use a consistent subject pronoun.

× And when I feel when I'm in the bad mood, I can I can observe them and enjoy them again too.

✓ When I am in a bad mood, I can observe the photos and enjoy them again.

The sentence repeats phrases and uses awkward structure 'when I feel when I'm in the bad mood' which is a present tense and sentence structure problem. Use simple present progressive 'I am in a bad mood' and remove duplicated 'I can'. Also specify 'the photos' or 'them' clearly. Suggestion: avoid repetition and use one clear clause for time ('When I am in a bad mood').

× I refer looking at the at the countryside views simply because it looks, it seems more peace.

✓ I prefer looking at countryside views simply because they seem more peaceful.

The original uses 'refer' instead of 'prefer' and wrong pronoun/verb agreement 'it looks, it seems more peace.' This is an incorrect pronoun and adjective/adverb usage issue. Use 'prefer' (verb) and change 'it' to 'they' to agree with plural 'views.' Replace noun 'peace' with adjective 'peaceful.' Suggestion: check subject number and choose correct adjective form.

× It is. It seems more peaceful and and the atmosphere can, uh, bring the fresh air to breathe.

✓ It seems more peaceful, and the atmosphere can bring fresh air to breathe.

The sentence has repetition 'It is. It seems' and duplicate 'and and' plus unnecessary article 'the' before 'fresh air.' This is an incorrect conjunction and article usage issue. Combine clauses with a single conjunction and remove extra words. Suggestion: use concise connectives and avoid filler sounds.

× Umm umm cardi, umm cardi umm, like seeing my city views.

✓ I also like seeing views of my city.

The original contains nonwords ('cardi') and excessive fillers, making the sentence structurally incorrect. This is a sentence structure error. Use a clear subject and verb: 'I also like seeing views of my city.' Suggestion: eliminate fillers and replace unclear words with intended vocabulary.

× Yup, it's just surround.

✓ Yes, it's just surrounded by buildings.

'Surround' is a verb that requires an object; the passive adjectival form 'surrounded' plus preposition 'by' is needed to describe being enclosed. This is an incorrect use of verb form and preposition. Suggestion: use 'surrounded by' to indicate what surrounds the city.

× It's just surrounding with the building.

✓ It's just surrounded by buildings.

The original uses 'surrounding with' incorrectly and singular 'building' when plural 'buildings' is intended. Use passive adjective 'surrounded' and preposition 'by' with plural noun 'buildings.' Suggestion: ensure correct verb form and preposition pairing and match noun number.

× So I'm, I think I refer, I refer the views of beach or something.

✓ So I think I prefer views of the beach or something like that.

This sentence uses 'refer' incorrectly instead of 'prefer' and has awkward pronoun repetition. It's an incorrect pronoun/verb choice issue. Use 'I prefer' and add article 'the' before 'beach' to be natural. The phrase 'or something' can be expanded to 'or something like that' for fluency. Suggestion: choose the correct verb 'prefer' and include appropriate articles.