巧克力— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Try to use correct grammar and avoid redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then add specific supporting details using linking words for coherence. For example, say "Yes, I love eating chocolate because it makes me happy. My parents often buy milk chocolate and Kit Kat for me, and receiving chocolate as a gift always brings me joy."

示例: Yes, I love eating chocolate because it makes me happy. My parents often buy milk chocolate and Kit Kat for me, and receiving chocolate as a gift always brings me joy.

建议: Avoid filler words and improve sentence structure. Provide a clear frequency and reason using linking words. For example, "I seldom eat chocolate, usually once or twice a week, because my parents are careful about my sugar intake and don't allow me to eat it daily."

示例: I seldom eat chocolate, usually once or twice a week, because my parents are careful about my sugar intake and don't allow me to eat it daily.

建议: Use past tense correctly and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence and add specific details with linking words. For example, "I didn't eat much chocolate as a child because it was not common then. Instead, I preferred candies and other sweets."

示例: I didn't eat much chocolate as a child because it was not common then. Instead, I preferred candies and other sweets.

建议: Organize your answer clearly and use linking words to connect ideas. Use correct grammar and avoid redundancy. For example, "Chocolate is popular worldwide because of effective advertising and attractive packaging. Advertisements especially attract children by promoting different flavors, making chocolate more appealing and widely accepted."

示例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because of effective advertising and attractive packaging. Advertisements especially attract children by promoting different flavors, making chocolate more appealing and widely accepted.

建议: Avoid repetition and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to explain reasons clearly. For example, "My favourite flavour is dark chocolate because it gives me energy when I feel low. Also, I eat it when I feel bored, as it makes me happy."

示例: My favourite flavour is dark chocolate because it gives me energy when I feel low. Also, I eat it when I feel bored, as it makes me happy.

建议: Use clear and grammatically correct sentences. Start with a direct answer and add specific examples using linking words. For example, "Yes, giving chocolate as a gift is a nice way to treat someone. I often give chocolate to my friends and siblings as presents."

示例: Yes, giving chocolate as a gift is a nice way to treat someone. I often give chocolate to my friends and siblings as presents.

× Yes, I love to eating chocolate because it's give me a happiness when I eat chocolate.

✓ Yes, I love eating chocolate because it gives me happiness when I eat chocolate.

The verb 'love' should be followed by the gerund form 'eating' rather than the infinitive 'to eating'. Also, 'it's give' is incorrect; the correct form is 'it gives' to agree with the singular subject 'it'. 'A happiness' is incorrect because 'happiness' is an uncountable noun and does not take an article here.

× it's give me a happiness when I eat chocolate.

✓ it gives me happiness when I eat chocolate.

The verb 'give' must be conjugated as 'gives' to agree with the singular third person subject 'it'. Also, 'a happiness' is incorrect because 'happiness' is an uncountable noun and should not have an article.

× My parents mostly buy chocolate for me especially their milk and Kit Kat.

✓ My parents mostly buy chocolate for me, especially milk and Kit Kat.

The phrase 'their milk and Kit Kat' is incorrect because 'milk' and 'Kit Kat' are types of chocolate, not possessions of the parents. The possessive pronoun 'their' is unnecessary and incorrect here.

× Whenever I take from when I take the chocolate as a gift it give me too much happiness.

✓ Whenever I receive chocolate as a gift, it gives me a lot of happiness.

The original sentence is awkward and redundant. 'Take from when I take' is incorrect and confusing. The verb 'receive' is more appropriate for getting a gift. Also, 'it give' should be 'it gives' to agree with the singular subject. 'Too much happiness' is better expressed as 'a lot of happiness' in this context.

× I seldom eat chocolate. I uh, eat a chocolate umm, one or two days in the week because at the sweetest it my parents very conscious for my taste so they don't allow me to eat chocolate daily.

✓ I seldom eat chocolate. I eat chocolate one or two days a week because my parents are very conscious about my taste, so they don't allow me to eat chocolate daily.

The phrase 'eat a chocolate' is incorrect; 'chocolate' is uncountable here and does not need 'a'. 'One or two days in the week' should be 'one or two days a week'. 'At the sweetest it my parents very conscious for my taste' is ungrammatical; it should be 'my parents are very conscious about my taste'. 'Conscious for' is incorrect preposition usage; 'conscious about' is correct.

× I didn't receive too many chocolate because that time chocolate was not a common sweet and that time instead of the chocolate I I like to eat that time candies and some other sweet things.

✓ I didn't receive too much chocolate because at that time chocolate was not a common sweet, and instead of chocolate, I liked to eat candies and some other sweets.

'Too many chocolate' is incorrect because 'chocolate' is uncountable; 'too much chocolate' is correct. 'That time' should be 'at that time' for correct prepositional phrase. 'I I like to eat that time candies' is ungrammatical; it should be 'I liked to eat candies at that time'. 'Some other sweet things' is better expressed as 'some other sweets'.

× Chocolates become the famous in these days due to the advertisement and for attractive packing and these days advertisement attract the children to each different type of chocolate and it creates a different flavors and chocolate and people becomes a more allowed to eat the chocolate in these days.

✓ Chocolate has become famous these days due to advertisements and attractive packaging. Advertisements attract children to different types of chocolate, which creates different flavors, and people are more allowed to eat chocolate nowadays.

'Chocolates become the famous' is incorrect; 'Chocolate has become famous' is correct. 'Advertisement' should be plural 'advertisements'. 'Attractive packing' should be 'attractive packaging'. 'Each different type' is awkward; 'different types' is better. 'Creates a different flavors and chocolate' is ungrammatical; it should be 'creates different flavors'. 'People becomes a more allowed' is incorrect; 'people are more allowed' is correct.

× My favorite favorite chocolate is the dark chocolate when I feel low and I can eat a chocolate at gives me a energetic it's give me energy and sometimes when I feel bored and feeling less that time I eat chocolate and it gives me happiness.

✓ My favorite chocolate is dark chocolate. When I feel low, I can eat chocolate that gives me energy. Sometimes, when I feel bored or down, I eat chocolate and it gives me happiness.

'A chocolate at gives me a energetic' is incorrect; it should be 'chocolate that gives me energy'. 'It's give me energy' is incorrect; 'it gives me energy' is correct. 'Feeling less' is unclear; 'feeling down' is better. The sentence is long and should be split for clarity.

× Obviously giving a gift to other person as a chocolate is a good way to treat someone, give it, treat someone other.

✓ Obviously, giving chocolate as a gift to another person is a good way to treat someone.

'Other person' should be 'another person'. The phrase 'give it, treat someone other' is ungrammatical and redundant; it should be omitted.

× I also many times chocolate gives as a gift to my friend and my sibling.

✓ I have also given chocolate as a gift many times to my friends and siblings.

The original sentence is ungrammatical. 'Chocolate gives as a gift' is incorrect; the subject should be 'I' and the verb 'have given'. 'My friend and my sibling' should be plural 'my friends and siblings' to match 'many times'.