巧克力— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Try to use more natural expressions and avoid redundancy. For example, instead of saying "joyful and happiness," you can say "joy and happiness" or simply "happiness." Also, try to make your sentence more concise and clear.

示例: Yes, I like eating chocolate because it brings me happiness and comfort when I face pressure from school or academic results.

建议: Avoid using both "although" and "but" together as it is redundant. Also, try to use linking words properly to make your answer more coherent. You can also improve vocabulary by using "sweet-tasting" instead of "taste very sweet."

示例: I eat chocolate twice a week. Although it is delicious and sweet-tasting, it contains a lot of sugar, which is unhealthy.

建议: Avoid filler phrases like "I don't know" and redundant expressions such as "like basically every day" and "basically every day." Also, try to structure your answer clearly with linking words and avoid repeating the same idea.

示例: Yes, I ate chocolate almost every day when I was a kid. However, because it contains a lot of sugar, I ended up suffering from tooth decay.

建议: Make sure your sentences are grammatically correct and clear. For example, avoid repeating "is" unnecessarily. Use linking words to connect ideas logically and provide more specific reasons.

示例: I think chocolate is popular worldwide because of its sweet taste. Moreover, both students and parents often buy it, which increases its popularity.

建议: Avoid hesitation sounds like "uh" and unclear phrases such as "melts in a blank of ice." Try to describe your feelings clearly and use appropriate vocabulary to express taste.

示例: My favourite flavour is milk chocolate because it melts smoothly in my mouth, creating a creamy and delightful taste.

建议: Clarify your ideas and avoid vague expressions like "more loyalty will be better." Use linking words to make your answer coherent and provide specific reasons.

示例: I think chocolate can be a good gift depending on the occasion. For example, it is suitable as a souvenir, but for birthdays, more personal gifts might be better.

× I do like eating chocolate because it gives me joyful and happiness when I'm facing difficulties or the pressure in school and academic results.

✓ I do like eating chocolate because it gives me joy and happiness when I'm facing difficulties or pressure in school and academic results.

The word 'joyful' is an adjective and cannot be used directly with 'gives me' which requires a noun. 'Joy' is the correct noun form to use here. Also, 'the pressure' should be 'pressure' without 'the' because it is uncountable in this context.

× Although chocolate is very delicious and taste very sweet, but it actually contains a lot of sugar, which is not good for our health.

✓ Although chocolate is very delicious and tastes very sweet, it actually contains a lot of sugar, which is not good for our health.

Using both 'Although' and 'but' together is redundant. 'Although' already introduces a contrast, so 'but' should be removed. Also, 'taste' should be 'tastes' to agree with the singular subject 'chocolate'.

× Yes, I do. I ate chocolate like basically every day when I was a kid because I don't know, chocolate contains a lot of sugar and it is bad for our health.

✓ Yes, I did. I ate chocolate basically every day when I was a kid because I didn't know chocolate contains a lot of sugar and that it was bad for our health.

The auxiliary verb 'do' should be in past tense 'did' to match the past tense context. 'I don't know' should be 'I didn't know' to reflect past ignorance. Also, 'like' is unnecessary and informal here.

× I think chocolate is popular around the world is because it's sweet taste and many of the students or even parents would buy chocolate in the shop so it becomes very popular.

✓ I think chocolate is popular around the world because of its sweet taste, and many students or even parents buy chocolate in shops, so it becomes very popular.

The phrase 'is popular around the world is because' is redundant; remove the second 'is'. 'It's sweet taste' should be 'its sweet taste' to show possession. 'Many of the students' is better as 'many students'. 'Buy chocolate in the shop' should be 'buy chocolate in shops' for generalization.

× My favorite flavor of chocolate is milk chocolate because when it comes into my mouth, the milk in the chocolate act, uh, melts in a blank of ice. So that taste is amazing.

✓ My favorite flavor of chocolate is milk chocolate because when it comes into my mouth, the milk in the chocolate acts, uh, like it melts on ice. So that taste is amazing.

'Act' should be 'acts' to agree with singular subject 'milk'. 'Melts in a blank of ice' is incorrect; the intended meaning is likely 'melts like ice' or 'melts on ice'. 'Like it melts on ice' is clearer and grammatically correct.

× I think it depends on whether the chocolate is a souvenir or a festival gift, because if it is a souvenir, it is suitable to give to others, but if it is a birthday gift, I think more loyalty will be better.

✓ I think it depends on whether the chocolate is a souvenir or a festival gift, because if it is a souvenir, it is suitable to give to others, but if it is a birthday gift, I think a more personal gift would be better.

The phrase 'more loyalty will be better' is unclear and incorrect. 'Loyalty' is a noun that does not fit here. A better expression is 'a more personal gift would be better' to convey the intended meaning.