写作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Give a clear topic sentence, correct grammar and avoid repetition. Say where and how often you write, and why, in two to three concise sentences. Use linking words (e.g., because, so) and correct prepositions (on my computer/phone).

示例: Yes. I work as the secretary at my church, so I type documents in PDF on my computer and phone almost every week. I enjoy it because it is part of my duties and helps keep our records organized.

建议: Start with a direct topic sentence saying what you write. Avoid hesitations and unnecessary names unless relevant. Give one or two specific details and a reason, using linking words (for example, because or so). Keep sentences shorter and clearer.

示例: I usually write personal records and short profiles of church members because our executive minister needs accurate information for assigning duties. For example, I note each person’s skills, attendance and responsibilities so leaders can choose the best volunteers.

建议: Answer directly and explain reasons clearly. Use correct tense and articles (e.g., birth date). Use linking words (because, when, so) and give a brief example of a change. Keep it within two to three sentences.

示例: Yes. I often need to update members’ records because details such as birth dates or marital status sometimes change or were recorded incorrectly. When I discover an error, I correct it in the PDF so our files stay accurate.

建议: Give a clear preference and a brief reason. Use correct word choices (secretary, not secular) and avoid repetition. Mention both devices only if necessary, and link ideas with because or so.

示例: I prefer typing on my laptop because it is faster and easier to edit. I also use my phone to make quick PDF edits when I am away from the computer.

建议: Answer directly about yourself first, then add one short example if relevant. Avoid long digressions about others. Use correct tense and articles, and keep it to two or three sentences.

示例: I don't usually keep a diary. My childhood friend did keep one every day and even shared entries with us, which I thought was a nice habit but not something I adopted.

建议: Respond with a clear statement of the methods you use, then give specific examples and reasons. Correct grammar (instances → instances when, post on social media) and avoid filler phrases. Use linking words like for example or because.

示例: I usually record videos to capture special occasions, because moving images preserve the moment better than notes or photos. For example, I film church events and sometimes post short clips on my social media so friends and family can share the memory.

× I'm at secretary of my church and I normally do right through PDF in my computer and in my phone screen and I normally do it almost every week and I enjoy that because it's part of my duties as a secretary.

✓ I'm the secretary of my church and I normally prepare documents as PDFs on my computer and phone almost every week, and I enjoy that because it's part of my duties as a secretary.

The sentence uses the incorrect article 'at' before 'secretary' and misses the definite article 'the' to indicate a specific role. Also 'do right through PDF' is unnatural; use 'prepare documents as PDFs' to be clear. Combine repeated phrases and correct prepositions: 'on my computer and phone' is correct. Suggestions: use 'the secretary' for specific position, 'prepare documents as PDFs', and place devices with 'on'.

× Hi, I remember that I need to write the, uh, specific detail of the church member most important, more most importantly to our executive minister, Brother Edward Vimanalo, that they were very hardworking as well as dedicated individuals that they, they are good for the specific duty.

✓ I remember that I need to write the specific details of church members, especially those most important to our executive minister, Brother Edward Vimanalo, noting that they are hardworking and dedicated individuals suitable for their specific duties.

Original has disfluent fillers, incorrect word order, wrong tense ('were' vs present), and unclear reference 'they are good for the specific duty.' Fix by organizing ideas: 'write the specific details of church members', use 'especially' and 'noting that they are hardworking and dedicated', and 'suitable for their specific duties' for clarity. Use present tense when describing ongoing qualities.

× Yes, there are instances that I need to change that specific detail of the each member because I made the mistake to the birth, the birth of date or marriage and I need to add it as most of the time because there are a lot of things I need to to write down and that is also takes time for me.

✓ Yes, there are instances when I need to change a member's details because I made mistakes with birth dates or marriage dates, and I often need to add information because there is a lot to write down, which also takes time for me.

Problems: 'the each member' is incorrect—use 'a member's' or 'each member's'; 'the birth, the birth of date' is redundant and ungrammatical—use 'birth dates' or 'birth date'; 'I need to add it as most of the time' is unclear—use 'I often need to add information'. Also correct structure 'which also takes time for me'. Suggestions: use singular possessive for individual members, plural for repeated items, and clear adverbs like 'often'.

× But at the end I enjoyed.

✓ But in the end I enjoy it.

Tense mismatch: speaking about a habitual or current feeling requires present tense 'I enjoy it' rather than past 'I enjoyed'. Use 'in the end' as the idiomatic phrase.

× I'm using laptop for typing because like I mentioned I'm a secular in my church.

✓ I use a laptop for typing because, as I mentioned, I'm a secretary in my church.

'I'm using laptop' is missing an article—use 'a laptop' or 'my laptop'. 'I'm a secular' is incorrect word choice; 'secretary' is intended. Also prefer simple present 'I use' for habitual actions. Suggestions: use articles before singular countable nouns and correct job nouns.

× Also if I made also a mistake, I sometimes I use my phone for editing through PDF and I'm use of it almost every day through typing also in my phone and either laptop.

✓ Also, if I make a mistake, I sometimes use my phone to edit the PDF, and I use it almost every day for typing on both my phone and laptop.

Tense and form issues: 'if I made' should be present simple 'if I make' for conditional habit; 'for editing through PDF' is awkward—use 'to edit the PDF'. 'I'm use of it' is ungrammatical—use 'I use it'. 'either laptop' should be 'both my phone and laptop'. Suggestions: use present simple for habitual conditionals and correct infinitive 'to edit'.

× I don't normally keep Diaries but I know someone like my childhood friend.

✓ I don't normally keep a diary, but I know someone, my childhood friend, who does.

Capitalization and article issue: 'Diaries' should be lowercase 'diaries' but singular 'a diary' is natural for the habit of keeping one. Rephrase to 'who does' for clarity. Suggestions: use 'a diary' for the general habit and keep nouns lowercase.

× She likes keeping her Diaries all the time since I we were in my primary school and she enjoyed it too much and almost every day she's done her Diaries she read it out loud to let us know that she wrote something special in that day.

✓ She has liked keeping her diary since we were in primary school, and she enjoyed it a lot; almost every day she would read it out loud to tell us about something special she had written that day.

Tense consistency: use present perfect 'has liked' for a habit starting in the past and continuing; 'since we were' is correct past reference. 'She enjoyed it too much' is awkward—use 'enjoyed it a lot'. For habitual past action, use 'would read' or 'used to read'. 'That day' should be 'that day' without 'in'. Suggestions: maintain consistent tenses and choose idiomatic expressions.

× There is instances that I need to record a video of the specific place.

✓ There are instances when I need to record a video of a specific place.

Subject-verb agreement and article: 'There is instances' should be 'There are instances' because 'instances' is plural. 'the specific place' is too specific; use 'a specific place' unless the place has been identified. Suggestions: match verb number to subject and choose appropriate article.

× Most importantly it's very special occasion.

✓ Most importantly, it's a very special occasion.

Missing article 'a' before 'very special occasion'. Also add a comma after 'Most importantly' for clarity. Suggestions: include articles before singular countable nouns.

× I use the a video to have my memories in that specific date and time.

✓ I record a video to preserve my memories of that specific date and time.

'I use the a video' is ungrammatical—choose one article 'a' or 'the'; 'to have my memories' is unnatural—use 'to preserve my memories of'. Use 'of' with 'date and time'. Suggestions: simplify verb choice and correct article usage.

× Sometimes I posted it on in my social media account.

✓ Sometimes I post it on my social media account.

Tense and preposition errors: use present simple 'I post' for habitual action instead of past 'posted'. Remove redundant prepositions 'on in'—use 'on'. Suggestions: use correct preposition 'on' with 'social media' and maintain tense consistency.

× True story and a lot of people also like those posted videos.

✓ It's true, and a lot of people also like those posted videos.

Sentence missing subject and connector: begin with 'It's true' or 'True story' as an interjection but better to add 'It's true' for a full sentence. Ensure pronoun/reference is clear. Suggestions: include a subject and linkers to form complete sentences.