家乡— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Try to use correct prepositions and avoid repetition. For example, say 'My hometown is in Hobby Branch, located in Select Division. It is about 13 kilometers from Select City. I love my hometown because I was born and brought up there.' This will make your answer more natural and clear.

示例: My hometown is Hobby Branch, which is located in Select Division. It is about 13 kilometers away from Select City. I love my hometown because I was born and raised there.

建议: Avoid repeating 'I love' and improve sentence structure. Use linking words like 'especially' and 'because' properly. For example, say 'I especially like the Radical Park, which is the heart of our hometown. It is a famous historical place that attracts many tourists every year.'

示例: I especially like the Radical Park, which is the heart of our hometown. It is a famous historical place that attracts many tourists every year.

建议: Good answer but try to use past tense consistently and avoid mixing tenses. For example, say 'I have lived there since I was a child because I was brought up in that town. I lived with my grandparents and parents and completed my higher education there. That's why I have a strong attachment to my hometown.'

示例: I have lived there since I was a child because I was brought up in that town. I lived with my grandparents and parents and completed my higher education there. That's why I have a strong attachment to my hometown.

建议: Improve grammar and sentence flow. Use plural forms correctly and avoid redundancy. For example, say 'Definitely, my hometown is a very safe and peaceful place for young people. For example, when I was a child, I completed all my schooling there and always felt secure in the neighborhood. Additionally, there are many parks and community centers where young people can enjoy their free time and develop new skills.'

示例: Definitely, my hometown is a very safe and peaceful place for young people. For example, when I was a child, I completed all my schooling there and always felt secure in the neighborhood. Additionally, there are many parks and community centers where young people can enjoy their free time and develop new skills.

× My hometown is in hobby branch which is located in select division.

✓ My hometown is in Hobby Branch, which is located in Select Division.

Proper nouns like 'Hobby Branch' and 'Select Division' should be capitalized. Also, a comma is needed before 'which' to separate the clauses correctly.

× It is a far from the select city which is 13 kilometer far from this city.

✓ It is far from Select City, which is 13 kilometers from this city.

The article 'a' is unnecessary before 'far'. 'Select City' should be capitalized as a proper noun. 'Kilometer' should be plural 'kilometers' when the number is more than one.

× And I love my hometown because I brought and brought up here.

✓ And I love my hometown because I was born and brought up here.

The verb 'brought' is incorrect here; the correct past tense passive form is 'was born'. 'Brought up' is correct but needs the auxiliary verb 'was' to form the passive voice.

× Especially I mentioned before that I love my hometown.

✓ As I mentioned before, I love my hometown.

The phrase 'Especially I mentioned before' is awkward and incorrect. 'As I mentioned before' is the correct expression to refer back to a previous statement.

× Specially the heart of our hometown is a park which name is the Radical park.

✓ Especially, the heart of our hometown is a park called Radical Park.

'Specially' is incorrect; the correct adverb is 'especially'. Also, 'which name is' is incorrect; 'called' is the proper verb to introduce the name of the park. 'Radical Park' should be capitalized.

× It is very famous in our hometown.

✓ It is very famous in our hometown.

This sentence is correct; no correction needed.

× The place is very historical place and every year many tourists had visited this place.

✓ The place is very historical, and every year many tourists visit this place.

The phrase 'very historical place' is redundant; 'very historical' suffices. Also, 'had visited' is past perfect tense, which is incorrect here; simple present 'visit' is appropriate for habitual actions.

× I have lived there since I was a child because I was brought up in that town.

✓ I have lived there since I was a child because I was brought up in that town.

This sentence is correct; no correction needed.

× I live with my grandparents and parents, and I also completed my higher education here.

✓ I live with my grandparents and parents, and I have also completed my higher education here.

Since the completion of higher education is a past action with present relevance, present perfect tense 'have completed' is more appropriate than simple past 'completed'.

× Definitely my hometown is very safe place for young people because it's a very peaceful and safe.

✓ Definitely, my hometown is a very safe place for young people because it's very peaceful and safe.

The phrase 'very safe place' needs the article 'a'. Also, 'a very peaceful and safe' is incomplete; 'a' should be removed before 'very peaceful and safe'.

× When for example, when I was a child, I completed all of my schooling there and always felt secure working around neighborhood.

✓ For example, when I was a child, I completed all of my schooling there and always felt secure working around the neighborhood.

The phrase 'When for example, when' is redundant; 'For example, when' is correct. Also, 'around neighborhood' needs the definite article 'the' before 'neighborhood'.

× Additionally, there are many park and Community Center where young people can enjoy their free time and develop new skills.

✓ Additionally, there are many parks and community centers where young people can enjoy their free time and develop new skills.

'Park' and 'Community Center' should be plural to agree with 'many'. Also, 'community center' should not be capitalized unless it is a proper noun.