家乡— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Try to avoid redundancy and improve sentence flow by combining related ideas more smoothly. For example, instead of listing separate facts, integrate them naturally using linking words.

示例: My hometown, Mahshar City in Hussain Province, southwestern Iran, is famous for its rich culture and beautiful natural landscapes, which make it a wonderful place to live.

建议: Avoid grammatical errors such as 'which I really like it' and use linking words to connect ideas clearly. Also, try to be more concise and avoid repetition.

示例: I like my hometown because of its friendly community and pleasant climate; the tranquil environment helps me feel relaxed and focused, improving my daily happiness.

建议: Make your answer more structured by separating the time frame and future plans clearly, and avoid filler words like 'Well'.

示例: I have lived in my hometown for 18 years since birth, but I will soon move to Tehran to attend university.

建议: Improve coherence by using appropriate linking words and correct grammar. Also, clarify your opinion with more specific reasons and avoid run-on sentences.

示例: Although my hometown has a friendly atmosphere, pollution from petrochemical companies makes it less suitable for living. Therefore, I believe young people should move to bigger cities with better weather and more opportunities.

× The most appealing things about my hometown are the friendly community and the pleasant climate, which I really like it.

✓ The most appealing things about my hometown are the friendly community and the pleasant climate, which I really like.

The pronoun 'it' is redundant because 'which' already refers to 'the pleasant climate'. Using both 'which' and 'it' together is incorrect. To improve, remove 'it' after 'which I really like'. This makes the sentence grammatically correct and clearer.

× However, my hometown has a friendly communication atmosphere, the weather is polluted by petrochemical companies activity and it is not good for living, it's better for working and I think young people should live in bigger city with a good weather and many good opportunities.

✓ Although my hometown has a friendly communication atmosphere, the weather is polluted by petrochemical companies' activity and it is not good for living; it's better for working, and I think young people should live in a bigger city with good weather and many good opportunities.

The original sentence incorrectly uses 'However' and commas to connect independent clauses, causing a run-on sentence. 'However' should be replaced with 'Although' to show contrast properly. Also, possessive form 'companies'' is needed, and articles like 'a' before 'bigger city' are required. Using semicolons and commas correctly improves sentence structure and clarity.