家乡— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer provides relevant information but lacks clarity and contains some grammatical errors. Try to be more concise and use clearer expressions. Avoid redundancy and ensure your sentences are grammatically correct. For example, instead of 'Nagasaki attracts many people by the old ancient,' you could say 'Nagasaki attracts many visitors due to its rich history.'

示例: My hometown is Nagasaki, located in the southwestern part of Japan. It is especially popular among Chinese tourists because of its easy accessibility. Nagasaki attracts many visitors due to its rich history and cultural heritage.

建议: Your answer is relevant and informative but could be improved by correcting grammar and using linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Also, be more specific and avoid vague phrases like 'mix over culture.'

示例: I love my hometown because of its rich history and diverse culture. For example, it was one of the few cities that had diplomatic relations with European countries until the 16th century. Therefore, you can see a unique blend of cultures reflected in its architecture and traditions.

建议: Your answer is clear and well-structured. To improve, you could add linking words to enhance coherence and perhaps include a brief reflection on how this move affected you.

示例: I lived in my hometown until I was 18 years old. Then, I moved to Tokyo to attend university. This decision was significant because I had to leave my family and friends behind, which was quite challenging at first.

建议: Your answer addresses the question but contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Try to use clearer sentence structures and linking words to explain your points logically. Also, avoid redundancy and be more concise.

示例: No, I don't think my hometown is suitable for young people because there are very few well-paying job opportunities. This is mainly due to the closure of many large companies and their branches during my childhood, which had a negative impact on the local economy.

× because they can easily access to that town

✓ because they can easily access that town

The verb 'access' is a transitive verb and does not require the preposition 'to' after it. Using 'access to' is incorrect. The correct form is 'access that town'.

× Nagasaki attracts many people by the old ancient

✓ Nagasaki attracts many people with its ancient history

The phrase 'by the old ancient' is ungrammatical and unclear. 'Ancient' is an adjective and should modify a noun. The correct expression is 'with its ancient history' to explain what attracts people.

× You can see the mix over culture and the history

✓ You can see the mix of culture and history

The phrase 'mix over culture and the history' is incorrect. The correct preposition is 'of' after 'mix'. Also, 'the history' should be 'history' without 'the' here.

× I lived in my hometown until I was 18 years old

✓ I have lived in my hometown until I was 18 years old

Since the question is 'How long have you lived there?', the present perfect tense 'have lived' is more appropriate to indicate the duration up to a point in the past.

× moved to Tokyo to enter a university

✓ moved to Tokyo to enter university

In English, 'enter university' is the correct phrase without the article 'a' before 'university'.

× they are very limited job opportunities that can earn much money available

✓ there are very limited job opportunities that can earn much money available

The original sentence lacks the existential 'there are' to introduce the plural noun 'job opportunities'. Also, 'they are' is incorrect here.

× many big companies and their branches are closed off

✓ many big companies and their branches have closed down

The phrase 'are closed off' is incorrect for companies ceasing operation. The correct phrase is 'have closed down' to indicate the action in the past affecting the present.

× which was very catastrophic for economy

✓ which was very catastrophic for the economy

The noun 'economy' requires the definite article 'the' when referring to a specific economy, such as the national economy.