家乡— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer is generally clear but contains some grammatical errors and lacks linking words. For example, "It founded in 1970s" should be "It was founded in the 1970s." Also, try to use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. Keep your answer natural and concise within 5 sentences.

示例: My hometown is Hirnet, a major city in northern Lambatur. It is famous for having one of the world's biggest copper mines. The city was founded in the 1970s and has grown rapidly since then.

建议: Your answer repeats the same idea twice and has some grammatical mistakes, such as "an unique" which should be "a unique." Try to avoid redundancy and use linking words to make your answer more coherent. Also, provide more specific details to enrich your response.

示例: I like that my hometown combines a strong sense of community with beautiful natural surroundings. Although it is surrounded by copper mines and Soviet-style buildings, the peaceful countryside nearby offers a unique and refreshing contrast.

建议: Your answer is understandable but has grammatical errors and lacks linking words. For example, "before moved" should be "before I moved." Also, try to make your answer more complete and natural by adding linking words and slightly expanding your response within the 5-sentence limit.

示例: I was born in Hirnet and lived there for four years before I moved to Ulaanbaatar. Despite moving away, I still consider Hirnet my hometown because of my early memories there.

建议: Your answer is unclear and contains grammatical mistakes. For example, "people who want ambitious their move" is incorrect. Try to organize your ideas clearly using linking words like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," and use correct grammar. Also, provide specific examples to support your points.

示例: I think it depends. On the one hand, my hometown offers stable jobs, good education, and sports facilities for young people thanks to the Internet. On the other hand, ambitious young people often move to the capital or abroad to seek better opportunities.

× It is famous for one of the world's biggest copper mine.

✓ It is famous for one of the world's biggest copper mines.

The phrase 'one of the world's biggest copper mine' is incorrect because 'one of' requires a plural noun after it. 'Copper mine' should be pluralized to 'copper mines' to be grammatically correct.

× It founded in 1970s.

✓ It was founded in the 1970s.

The sentence lacks the auxiliary verb 'was' to form the passive voice in past tense. Also, '1970s' should be preceded by the definite article 'the' to specify the decade.

× Ennit is the combination of community and nature.

✓ Ennit is a combination of community and nature.

The phrase 'the combination' implies a specific known combination, but here it is more natural to say 'a combination' to indicate one of many possible combinations.

× Even though it's surrounded by copper mines and Soviet style buildings, its countryside around is beautiful and peaceful.

✓ Even though it's surrounded by copper mines and Soviet-style buildings, the countryside around it is beautiful and peaceful.

The pronoun 'its' is incorrectly used before 'countryside around'. The correct structure is 'the countryside around it' to indicate the area surrounding the city.

× It gives an unique combination.

✓ It gives a unique combination.

The article 'an' is used before vowel sounds, but 'unique' starts with a consonant sound 'y', so the correct article is 'a'.

× It is unique combination.

✓ It is a unique combination.

The noun 'combination' is singular and requires an article. The sentence is missing the article 'a' before 'unique combination'.

× I was born there, I lived for four years before moved to ulaanbaatar, so I still consider it as my hometown.

✓ I was born there and lived for four years before moving to Ulaanbaatar, so I still consider it my hometown.

The sentence is a run-on and lacks proper conjunctions. 'Before moved' is incorrect; it should be 'before moving'. Also, 'consider it as' is incorrect; 'consider it' is sufficient. Capitalization of 'Ulaanbaatar' is needed.

× I think it depends, on the one hand, Internet provides stable job, education, sports facilities for young and on the other hand people who want ambitious their move to capital or abroad.

✓ I think it depends. On the one hand, the Internet provides stable jobs, education, and sports facilities for young people; on the other hand, people who are ambitious move to the capital or abroad.

The sentence has multiple issues: 'depends' should be followed by a period to separate ideas; 'Internet' needs the definite article 'the'; 'stable job' should be plural 'stable jobs'; 'for young' is incomplete, should be 'for young people'; 'people who want ambitious their move' is incorrect, should be 'people who are ambitious move'; 'capital' needs the definite article 'the'. Also, punctuation is needed to separate clauses.