工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Reduce hesitations and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two concise supporting details. Fix article and preposition errors (e.g., "in a manufacturing company", "importing raw materials", "coordinating with our suppliers", "timely deliveries"). Use linking words like "and" or "also" only when needed.

示例: I work as a commercial manager in a manufacturing company. I am responsible for importing raw materials for our products and coordinating with our suppliers to ensure timely deliveries.

建议: Be more fluent and correct word choice. Use a topic sentence naming the company type and its function, then add location and reason for convenience. Replace awkward phrases ("specializes for" → "specializes in", "the closest industrial zone to my house" → "an industrial zone near my home").

示例: I work for a surface engineering company that specializes in treatments and surface coatings. The company, Plasmatexapon, is located in an industrial zone near my home, so my commute is very convenient.

建议: Eliminate filler sounds and combine ideas coherently. Start with a direct answer, then give two specific reasons using linking words like "because" or "and". Improve collocations ("related to my university major", "supportive colleagues", "motivating work atmosphere").

示例: Yes, it's a good place to work because the job is related to my university major and my colleagues are well educated and supportive, which creates a motivating work atmosphere for me.

建议: Clarify meaning and correct expressions. Use a clear contrast: acknowledge positives, then explain the problem. Fix phrases: "satisfied with my colleagues", "dead-end position", "move away from manual work", "I'm stuck behind a desk". Keep sentences concise (max 3–4).

示例: Although I'm satisfied with my colleagues and the work environment, I feel I'm in a dead-end position. I'm stuck behind a desk and would like a more challenging role that involves less routine manual tasks.

建议: Make the plan more specific and use linking words to show purpose. Start with a clear topic sentence about your goal, then give concrete reasons and future actions. Replace fillers and improve phrasing ("import them to my country" → "bring them back to my country").

示例: I plan to move to Europe to learn about advanced manufacturing technologies so I can bring those techniques back to my country, create jobs, and help modernize our industry.

× I work as a commercial manager and a manufacturing company and I am responsible for importing a raw materials for our, uh, products.

✓ I work as a commercial manager at a manufacturing company and I am responsible for importing raw materials for our products.

Sentence combined two noun phrases without correct preposition and used incorrect article 'a' before the plural 'raw materials'. Use 'at' to show place of employment, remove extra 'a' and the comma before 'products'. This fixes sentence structure and article/number errors.

× And, uh, also I am, uh, coordinating with, uh, our suppliers, uh, to ensure timely delivers.

✓ I also coordinate with our suppliers to ensure timely deliveries.

Use simple present 'coordinate' for habitual actions and place 'also' before the verb. 'Timely delivers' is incorrect; use the noun 'deliveries'. Remove filler 'uh' for clarity.

× I work for uh surface engineering company specializes for umm treatments and surface coating.

✓ I work for a surface engineering company that specializes in treatments and surface coating.

Add article 'a', use relative pronoun 'that' to link clause, and use 'specializes in' for correct preposition. Also use plural 'treatments' is fine; keep consistent form.

× Uh, that is called plasmatexapon, which is located in the closest industrial zone to my house, so it is very convenient for my commute.

✓ It is called Plasmatexapon and is located in the nearest industrial zone to my house, so my commute is very convenient.

Use 'the nearest' instead of 'the closest' for natural phrasing; 'it is called' is clearer than 'that is called'; restructure clause order for fluency and use lowercase/uppercase as needed (company name capitalized). Avoid unnecessary commas.

× Yes, it's a good place to work. I prefer jobs, uh, that related to my university major and my colleagues are, uh, educated and supportive.

✓ Yes, it's a good place to work. I prefer jobs that are related to my university major, and my colleagues are educated and supportive.

Add verb 'are' to complete the relative clause ('that are related'). Remove fillers and place comma before conjunction for clarity.

× Uh, so, uh, it makes, uh, the atmosphere of work, uh, for me very motivating.

✓ So the working atmosphere is very motivating for me.

Simplify and reorder: 'the atmosphere of work' is awkward; use 'working atmosphere' or 'work atmosphere'. Remove fillers and unnecessary commas.

× Although I'm satisfied, uh, from my colleagues and the atmosphere of the walk, uh, I am working in a dead at dead end position and I want to move away from manual, uh, work because I stuck behind the desk and I want to do some more challenging work.

✓ Although I'm satisfied with my colleagues and the workplace atmosphere, I am in a dead-end position and want to move away from manual work because I am stuck behind a desk and want more challenging tasks.

Use 'satisfied with' not 'satisfied from'. 'Atmosphere of the walk' is incorrect; use 'workplace atmosphere'. 'Dead-end' is hyphenated adjective; 'stuck behind a desk' needs 'am' and 'a desk'. Remove extra fillers and correct verb forms.

× I want to move to Europe to learn more about advanced manufacturing technologies and, uh, to import them to my country to create jobs and uh, help to my country's industry.

✓ I want to move to Europe to learn more about advanced manufacturing technologies and to import them to my country to create jobs and help my country's industry.

Remove unnecessary 'to' before 'my country's industry' and filler words. Maintain infinitive 'to import' and parallel structure. This keeps future intention clear and grammatically correct.