工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: Your answer is clear but a bit repetitive with the phrase "using this time". Try to avoid redundancy and make your sentences more concise. Also, you can improve coherence by linking your ideas smoothly.

示例: At the moment, I am unemployed after recently resigning from my position as a hospital pharmacist. Because I have a lot of free time, I am exploring new opportunities to expand my career options.

建议: Your answer provides good information but the sentence structure is a bit awkward and some grammar errors are present. Try to use linking words to connect your ideas and be more specific with your descriptions.

示例: I used to work at one of the most prestigious hospitals in Cebu, which was quite challenging because we handled various cases, including cancer patients, maternity, and adult patients.

建议: Your answer is incomplete and unclear, especially the last part. Make sure to finish your sentences and provide clear reasons with linking words to support your opinion.

示例: Absolutely, it was my first job and I found it very interesting because I got to communicate and collaborate with doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals, which helped me learn a lot.

建议: Your answer is heartfelt but a bit repetitive and grammatically incorrect. Try to organize your ideas clearly and avoid repeating phrases. Use linking words to connect your points.

示例: Of course, I would like to work there because it has always been my dream. I feel like I am part of the healthcare community, serving patients in need, which gives me a strong sense of purpose.

建议: Your answer shows good ideas but has some incomplete sentences and awkward phrasing. Try to express your thoughts clearly and use linking words to make your answer coherent.

示例: Recently, I have been very focused on opening my own pharmacy. Although it may take a long time to achieve this goal, having a clear direction motivates me to keep working hard.

× I am using this time.

✓ I am using this time wisely.

The sentence 'I am using this time.' is grammatically correct but incomplete in meaning. Adding an adverb like 'wisely' clarifies the action. The verb 'am using' is correctly in the present continuous tense to describe an ongoing action.

× I was working in a hospital where it is considered as one of the most prestigious hospital in Cebu and it is quite challenging since we've catered a lot of cases, may it be cancer patient, maternity or adult patient.

✓ I was working in a hospital which is considered one of the most prestigious hospitals in Cebu, and it was quite challenging since we catered to a lot of cases, whether cancer patients, maternity, or adult patients.

The phrase 'considered as' should be 'considered' without 'as'. 'Hospital' should be plural 'hospitals' to match 'one of the most prestigious'. 'We've catered' should be 'we catered to' because 'cater to' is the correct phrasal verb. 'May it be' is incorrect; 'whether' is appropriate to introduce examples. Also, 'patient' should be plural 'patients' to match the context.

× Absolutely, since IT is my first job and I find it quite interesting.

✓ Absolutely, since it is my first job and I find it quite interesting.

'IT' is capitalized and seems to refer to 'Information Technology', but in context, it should be the pronoun 'it' referring to the job. Capitalization changes meaning and is incorrect here.

× It's because I got to communicate and have a collaborative relationship with doctors, nurses and other medical healthcare workers and also IT and.

✓ It's because I get to communicate and have a collaborative relationship with doctors, nurses, other healthcare workers, and also IT staff.

The sentence is incomplete and awkward. 'Got to' should be 'get to' to match present tense. 'Medical healthcare workers' is redundant; 'healthcare workers' suffices. The phrase 'and also IT and.' is incomplete; it should specify 'IT staff' or 'IT personnel'.

× Of course I do. It's because it's one of the places that I'm dreaming to work with and feeling that I am part and I'm part of the healthcare community and being able to serve to the patients who are in need and I get to have a sense of purpose.

✓ Of course I do. It's because it's one of the places I dream of working at, and I feel that I am part of the healthcare community, able to serve patients in need, which gives me a sense of purpose.

'Dreaming to work with' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'dream of working at'. 'Feeling that I am part and I'm part' is repetitive; simplified to 'I feel that I am part'. 'Serve to the patients' should be 'serve patients'. The sentence is long and needs to be broken down for clarity.

× So recently I have been very invested in having my own pharmacy, though it may be a long way to achieve that goal, but I think having a. A sense of direction gives me a motivation to continue what I am doing now.

✓ So recently, I have been very invested in having my own pharmacy. Though it may be a long way to achieve that goal, I think having a sense of direction gives me motivation to continue what I am doing now.

Using both 'though' and 'but' together is redundant; only one conjunction is needed. The sentence was fragmented with 'having a. A sense'; corrected to a complete sentence. 'A motivation' should be 'motivation' as an uncountable noun here.