工作— Part 1 评分报告

建议: حاول استخدام جمل كاملة وصحيحة نحويًا، وكن أكثر دقة في التعبير عن وضعك الحالي. على سبيل المثال، استخدم زمن المضارع التام للتعبير عن الحالة الحالية بشكل أفضل.

示例: I am a fresh graduate and I am currently waiting for a good opportunity to start working.

建议: حاول تنظيم إجابتك بشكل أوضح واستخدم عبارات ربط لتوضيح أفكارك. كما يجب تصحيح الأخطاء النحوية واستخدام مفردات مناسبة للسياق.

示例: I don't have a job at the moment, but my major is cybersecurity. I am interested in the blue team, which focuses on defending against cyber attacks and monitoring security. I want to help organizations protect their data.

建议: حاول استخدام جمل أكثر وضوحًا وصحيحة نحويًا، وقدم تفاصيل محددة عن تجربتك التدريبية. استخدم عبارات ربط لتحسين تدفق الكلام.

示例: Although I don't have a job, I have some experience from my training at Judah Airport. It was a good place because I learned a lot about my major and the staff treated me well.

建议: حاول التعبير عن أفكارك بشكل أكثر تنظيماً واستخدم مفردات مناسبة. كما يجب تصحيح الأخطاء النحوية واستخدام عبارات ربط لتوضيح النقاط.

示例: I don't have a job yet, but I am looking for a work environment that is interesting and supports employee development. I believe it is important to work somewhere that offers training and opportunities to improve skills.

建议: حاول توضيح خططك المستقبلية بشكل أكثر دقة واستخدم جمل صحيحة نحويًا. قدم أسبابًا واضحة مع استخدام عبارات ربط مناسبة.

示例: I really want to work in the governance, risk, and compliance department. However, there are not many opportunities in this field, and it usually requires a lot of experience.

× No, I'm a fresh graduate and I still waiting for a good opportunity to work.

✓ No, I'm a fresh graduate and I am still waiting for a good opportunity to work.

The verb 'waiting' requires an auxiliary verb 'am' to form the present continuous tense. The correct form is 'I am still waiting'. This is a present tense issue.

× Blue team is a different team at Fox on different thing against cyber attacks and monitoring security and I want to help her organization to protect their data.

✓ The Blue Team is a different team at Fox that focuses on defending against cyber attacks and monitoring security, and I want to help the organization protect its data.

The original sentence is confusing and lacks proper structure. 'Blue team' should be 'The Blue Team' as a proper noun. 'on different thing' is unclear and should be replaced with 'that focuses on defending'. 'her organization' is incorrect pronoun usage; it should be 'the organization' or 'its organization'. This is a sentence structure and pronoun usage issue.

× I training at Judah Airport.

✓ I trained at Judah Airport.

The verb 'training' is incorrectly used here. The past tense 'trained' is required to indicate a completed action in the past. This is a past tense issue.

× I want to help her organization to protect their data.

✓ I want to help the organization protect its data.

The pronoun 'her' is incorrectly used to refer to an organization. The correct possessive pronoun for an organization is 'its'. Also, 'their' should be consistent with 'its'. This is an incorrect use of pronouns issue.

× I'm looking for work environment that is interesting to improve to devolve its employees and I believe it's important to work somewhere that over training and opportunity to improve skills.

✓ I'm looking for a work environment that is interesting and helps develop its employees, and I believe it's important to work somewhere that offers training and opportunities to improve skills.

The phrase 'interesting to improve to devolve its employees' is incorrect. 'Devolve' is the wrong word; 'develop' is correct. 'Over training' should be 'offers training'. Also, 'opportunity' should be plural 'opportunities'. This is an incorrect use of prepositions and word choice issue.

× Actually, I really want to work in governance, risk and compliance department, but there are not many opportunities in this section and it's with the high experience.

✓ Actually, I really want to work in the governance, risk, and compliance department, but there are not many opportunities in this section and it requires high experience.

The phrase 'it's with the high experience' is incorrect. It should be 'it requires high experience' to express the need for experience. Also, 'governance, risk and compliance department' needs the definite article 'the'. This is a present tense and article usage issue.