Hometown— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and give specific details. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then add one or two specific features (e.g., landmarks, atmosphere, or notable markets) using linking words. Avoid repeating ideas like “very” or “hometown” too many times.

Exemplo: I come from Jaipur in India, a historic and colourful city known for its pink sandstone palaces and bustling bazaars. For example, the local market near the City Palace is famous for handicrafts and attracts many visitors.

Sugestão: Answer directly with a topic sentence naming one or two things you like, then support each with a brief specific reason or example. Use linking words (first, secondly, for example) and correct grammar (e.g., “provides” not “provide”).

Exemplo: I especially appreciate the strong public services in my hometown. First, there is a well-equipped health clinic that offers affordable care to local families. Secondly, the top-ranked community school provides scholarships to disadvantaged students, which improves education for everyone.

Sugestão: Give a clear, grammatically correct answer with a concise topic sentence (e.g., “I’ve lived there for 20 years.”), then add one short supporting detail about childhood memories or what you enjoyed, using a linking word like “and” or “because.” Avoid vague phrases like “that era.”

Exemplo: I’ve lived there for about 20 years since my childhood. I enjoyed growing up there because the neighbourhood was safe and I had many close friends and outdoor places to play.

Sugestão: Start with a clear opinion sentence, then give two specific reasons with linking words and correct grammar. Avoid repeating earlier points exactly; briefly explain why those features benefit young people (e.g., opportunities, safety, activities).

Exemplo: Yes, I think it’s a great place for young people because it offers good public health services and affordable quality education. As a result, families feel secure and young students have access to after-school programmes and sports facilities.

× My hometown is in India and it is very beautiful.

✓ My hometown is in India, and it is very beautiful.

Comma added for clarity; no article error here but keep sentence punctuation. (No change to article needed.)

× My hometown is very big, it is spacious and there are many shops around my hometown where even the visitors visit my hometown to see different things.

✓ My hometown is very big and spacious, and there are many shops around it where visitors come to see different things.

Plural/singular confusion and repetition: 'visitors visit my hometown' is redundant and awkward. Replace repeated noun with pronoun 'it' and use 'visitors come' for natural verb collocation. Also use commas to join clauses correctly.

× There are many things that I like about my hometown.

✓ There are many things that I like about my hometown.

Sentence is correct; retained for completeness. 'There are' correctly introduces plural 'things'.

× 1st and the foremost thing as the health aid provided to the people living over there.

✓ The first and foremost thing is the health aid provided to the people living there.

Article and structure: use 'The first and foremost thing is' to introduce a subject; remove 'as' which is incorrect here; 'over there' can be simplified to 'there'.

× Secondly, there is a school which is a highly ranked built in my hometown and it also provide free education to some of the poor students.

✓ Secondly, there is a highly ranked school in my hometown, and it also provides free education to some poor students.

Article and word order: 'a highly ranked school' is correct; 'built' is unnecessary. Verb agreement error corrected ('provides'). Omit 'the' before 'poor students' when speaking generally.

× I lived over there for 20 years since my childhood and I enjoyed living.

✓ I lived there for 20 years since my childhood, and I enjoyed living there.

Tense and preposition: 'lived there' is fine; keep 'since my childhood' only if present perfect is intended. For past duration, 'for 20 years from my childhood' or 'since' requires present perfect. Added 'there' to complete the idea.

× I enjoyed living that era, which was too beautiful.

✓ I enjoyed that time; it was very beautiful.

Awkward phrase 'living that era' is unidiomatic. Replace with 'that time' and separate clauses for clarity. Use 'very' instead of 'too' when praising.

× Of course, my hometown is a very nice place for youngsters because there are many reasons 1st that it is provides a good health services and also there is a school which is very affordable and the students can learn.

✓ Of course, my hometown is a very nice place for young people because there are many reasons. First, it provides good health services, and there is an affordable school where students can learn.

Multiple errors corrected: 'youngsters' changed to 'young people' for formality; '1st' changed to 'First' and sentence split. Removed extra 'it is provides' to correct verb form to 'provides'. 'Good health services' countable/uncountable adjusted; 'an affordable school' uses correct article and smoother phrasing.