Work— Part 1 Relatório

Sugestão: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence (I work full-time) then add one or two specific supporting details (job type, why you enjoy it). Avoid repetition and overly emotional phrases. Use linking words to connect ideas.

Exemplo: I work full-time as a marketing coordinator at a tech company. I enjoy it because I can use my creativity to design campaigns, and seeing positive customer feedback makes me feel useful and motivated.

Sugestão: Provide a direct topic sentence then give specific supporting details and use linking words. Correct small grammar issues (a busy area). Mention one specific place or feature to be more concrete.

Exemplo: I work in Tokyo, which is also my hometown. Although it's a very busy city, I find the constant activity energizing, and I often explore different neighborhoods like Shibuya and Asakusa in my free time.

Sugestão: This answer is good but trim redundancy and use one linking phrase. Keep sentences concise (max 5). Add a specific example of a park or cafe to make it more vivid.

Exemplo: Yes, it's a great place to work. Although Tokyo is busy, I find the city's energy calming because there are many quiet parks like Ueno Park and cozy cafes where I can relax after work.

Sugestão: Clarify and correct contradictions and grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes, I like working in Ginza), then give two specific positive reasons. Avoid saying both relaxed and uncomfortable—choose one and explain why. Use linking words (because, so).

Exemplo: Yes, I enjoy working in Ginza because it's an international area where I often hear English and can practice my language skills. This makes me feel more confident and at ease when speaking with visitors.

Sugestão: Give a clearer, realistic plan. Begin with a direct topic sentence about a specific goal, then explain steps or reasons. Replace vague phrases (license, choose anything) with concrete career aims or skills you want to use.

Exemplo: In the future I hope to move into a management role where I can mentor junior staff. To prepare, I plan to take project management courses and volunteer for leadership tasks so I can make a meaningful contribution to the company and community.

× I'm working every day.

✓ I work every day.

The student uses present continuous 'I'm working' to describe a habitual action. Habitual actions require the simple present tense. Use 'I work every day' to indicate regular routine. Suggestion: Use simple present for routines (I work, I go, I eat).

× Working is my soul, Working is my point of my life.

✓ Working is my soul; working is the purpose of my life.

Phrases are awkward and unidiomatic. 'Point of my life' is incorrect; native speakers say 'the purpose of my life.' Also capitalize consistently and avoid repeating 'Working' with unnecessary capitalization. Suggestion: Use natural expressions like 'the purpose of my life' or 'my passion.'

× I can feel I'm very useful and helpful for society and the people.

✓ I feel that I am very useful and helpful to society and to people.

Use 'feel that I am' instead of 'can feel I'm' for clarity. Preposition 'to' is correct with 'helpful' or 'useful to', not 'for' in this context. 'the people' is unnecessary; use 'people' or 'others.' Suggestion: Use 'helpful to' and 'useful to' and avoid redundant articles.

× I'm working in Tokyo.

✓ I work in Tokyo.

Use simple present for habitual or current employment. 'I'm working' implies temporary or current action; 'I work' is standard when describing regular employment or place of work. Suggestion: Use 'I work in [city]' to state your workplace location.

× Tokyo is really busy area but it makes me more comfortable and relaxed.

✓ Tokyo is a really busy area, but it makes me feel more comfortable and relaxed.

Missing article 'a' before 'really busy area.' Also 'makes me more comfortable' needs 'feel' after 'makes me.' Suggestion: Include articles with countable nouns and use 'feel' after 'make' to express emotional effect.

× I can explore the urban city all the time.

✓ I can explore the city all the time.

'Urban city' is redundant; 'city' implies urban. The sentence is grammatical otherwise. Suggestion: Avoid redundant modifiers: use 'city' or 'urban area.'

× And this is my hometown too.

✓ This is also my hometown.

Awkward word order: 'And' at the start is unnecessary; 'also' fits better before 'my hometown.' Suggestion: Use 'This is also my hometown.' for concise phrasing.

× It's a very busy busting city, but I actually find the energy calming because there are always cafes and parks where I can relax and I enjoy exploring different neighborhoods in my free time.

✓ It's a very busy, bustling city, but I actually find the energy calming because there are always cafes and parks where I can relax, and I enjoy exploring different neighborhoods in my free time.

The student used 'busting' instead of 'bustling.' Also punctuation needed to separate clauses with a comma before 'and.' Suggestion: Use the adjective 'bustling' to describe a lively city and insert commas to separate clauses.

× It's also my hometown so I know it well and feel comfortable living there.

✓ It's also my hometown, so I know it well and feel comfortable living there.

Missing comma before 'so' when connecting independent clauses. Tense is fine. Suggestion: Use commas to join independent clauses with coordinating conjunctions.

× Yes, I really like there.

✓ Yes, I really like it there.

Incorrect word order and missing pronoun 'it' for 'like it there.' Suggestion: Use 'like it there' or 'I really like living there.'

× It's called Ginza.

✓ It is called Ginza.

Contraction is acceptable; correction optional. Sentence is grammatical. No major grammatical error per list; keep as 'It's called Ginza.' Suggestion: Both 'It's called Ginza' and 'It is called Ginza' are fine.

× Ginza City is filled with foreigners all the time.

✓ Ginza is often filled with foreigners.

'All the time' is exaggerated; 'often' is more natural. 'Ginza City' is redundant; 'Ginza' is sufficient. Suggestion: Use 'often' or 'frequently' for habitual frequency.

× I can hear English from everywhere and I can use my English to everywhere and everybody.

✓ I can hear English everywhere, and I can use my English with everyone.

Use 'everywhere' without 'from' and 'use ... with' rather than 'to' when referring to people. 'Everybody' changed to 'everyone' in natural phrasing. Suggestion: 'hear X everywhere' and 'use English with everyone.'

× So it it makes me feel more relaxed and uncomfortable.

✓ So it makes me feel more relaxed and comfortable.

Contradictory adjectives 'relaxed and uncomfortable' is likely a mistake. Also duplicated 'it.' Suggestion: Decide on intended meaning; probably 'relaxed and comfortable.'

× As long as I can feel I'm useful and helpful, I can do anything.

✓ As long as I feel that I am useful and helpful, I can do anything.

Use 'feel that I am' rather than 'can feel I'm' for clarity. Present simple 'feel' describes a general condition. Suggestion: Use 'feel that I am' for statements about feelings.

× But I have a lot of license I can use for society, so whenever I can contribute something, I will choose anything.

✓ But I have many qualifications/licenses that I can use to help society, so whenever I can contribute, I will choose to do so.

'A lot of license' is unidiomatic; likely 'many licenses' or 'qualifications.' 'Use for society' should be 'use to help society.' 'I will choose anything' is vague; 'I will choose to do so' clarifies intent. Suggestion: Use 'many qualifications/licenses' and 'use to help society' and avoid 'anything' without context.