Computers— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is somewhat repetitive and could be more concise. Try to start with a clear topic sentence and then add specific examples using linking words to make your response more coherent and natural.

예시: I use a computer mainly when I need to write or save important information securely. For instance, if I don't have paper or pen, I prefer typing on a computer because it is faster and safer for storing data.

제안: Your answer is good but a bit long and slightly repetitive. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and try to avoid redundancy for a more natural flow.

예시: I first used a computer when I was in first standard because my parents bought one for me. It was exciting since it was the first technical device in our home besides the phone, and I enjoyed exploring it a lot.

제안: Your answer is clear but could be improved by using more precise vocabulary and linking words to make your points more coherent and natural.

예시: I believe my life wouldn't change much without a computer because I grew up without one and managed well. Moreover, nowadays smartphones can perform many computer functions, so I can rely on them instead.

제안: Your answer is a bit unclear and repetitive. Try to organise your ideas clearly with linking words and avoid redundancy. Also, use more natural expressions to describe situations where using a computer is difficult.

예시: It is difficult to use a computer while traveling or eating because computers are usually not portable. Also, I prefer to use a computer only when I have free time, as it requires focus and attention.

× In the conditions when I don't have a paper or a pen in my hand or whether I have to secure my data, and in that in those conditions I will use a computer.

✓ In conditions when I don't have paper or a pen in my hand or when I have to secure my data, I will use a computer.

The phrase 'In the conditions' is incorrect; 'in conditions' is more natural. Also, 'whether' is incorrectly used; 'when' fits better to indicate the situations. The phrase 'and in that in those conditions' is redundant and awkward, so it is removed for clarity.

× I used a computer first time when I was in first standard and my parents bought me a computer and I was very happy at that time and I had a lot of fun with that computer.

✓ I used a computer for the first time when I was in first standard, and my parents bought me a computer. I was very happy at that time and had a lot of fun with it.

The phrase 'first time' needs the article 'for the first time'. Also, the sentence is long and should be split for clarity. 'I had a lot of fun with that computer' is better as 'had a lot of fun with it' to avoid repetition.

× On the other hand, it was the first technical machine in our home other than phone, so it was an amazing time with that computer.

✓ On the other hand, it was the first technical machine in our home other than a phone, so it was an amazing time with that computer.

The phrase 'other than phone' is missing the article 'a' before 'phone'. Articles are necessary before singular countable nouns.

× My life will not affect a bit about without computer because when I was young I used to have my whole life without a computer and I kept it secure with many other things.

✓ My life will not be affected at all without a computer because when I was young I used to live my whole life without a computer and I kept it secure with many other things.

The phrase 'will not affect a bit about without computer' is incorrect. It should be 'will not be affected at all without a computer'. Also, 'have my whole life' is incorrect; 'live my whole life' is appropriate. Articles are needed before 'computer'.

× So I think computer is not that necessary in my life and I can live without computer as we have phones that work as a computer these days.

✓ So I think a computer is not that necessary in my life and I can live without a computer as we have phones that work as computers these days.

The noun 'computer' needs the article 'a' when singular. Also, 'phones that work as a computer' should be 'phones that work as computers' to match plural 'phones'.

× The conditions such as traveling and while having food or the other things because computer most of the time are not mobile and you cannot carry them from here and there and on the other hand computer only comes in handy when you are having a free time to use them.

✓ Conditions such as traveling and while having food or other things are difficult because computers most of the time are not mobile and you cannot carry them from here to there. On the other hand, a computer only comes in handy when you have free time to use it.

The phrase 'The conditions such as traveling and while having food or the other things' is awkward; 'Conditions such as traveling and while having food or other things' is better. 'Computer most of the time are not mobile' has subject-verb disagreement; 'computers... are' is correct. 'You cannot carry them' refers to computers plural, so 'them' is correct. 'Computer only comes in handy' should be 'a computer only comes in handy'. 'Having a free time' is incorrect; 'have free time' is correct. 'Use them' should be 'use it' referring to a single computer.