Bike— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more direct and concise in the topic sentence, correct grammar and avoid contradictory phrasing. Use one clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Watch verb forms and collocations (e.g., ‘indoor-oriented’, ‘join other children’ should be corrected).

예시: No, I didn’t have a bike as a child. I was an indoor child who preferred board games and puzzles, so I rarely went out to play. As a result, I didn’t learn to ride with other kids.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence and tighten the supporting details using linking words. Avoid repeating words (e.g., ‘also’, ‘most’). Provide one specific example or statistic if possible and use more natural collocations (e.g., ‘due to high petrol prices’, ‘to keep fit’).

예시: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. In rural areas people use them for everyday transport, and in cities many choose bikes because high petrol prices make driving expensive. For example, my neighbor cycles to work every day to save money and stay fit.

× I never had a bike as a child because I was a quiet, indoor oriented child who spent afternoons playing board games and solving puzzles.

✓ I never had a bike as a child because I was a quiet, indoors-oriented child who spent afternoons playing board games and solving puzzles.

The phrase 'indoor oriented' is incorrect; a compound adjective should be 'indoors-oriented' or 'indoor-oriented' with a hyphen and 'indoors' is the more natural form. This is a sentence structure/adjective formation issue. Improve by using the correct compound adjective form and hyphenation when two words modify a noun together (indoors-oriented child). Also keep sentence flow unchanged.

× I was happy staying inside, so I really joined other children to ride bikes.

✓ I was happy staying inside, so I didn't really join other children to ride bikes.

The original sentence contradicts itself: saying 'I was happy staying inside' then 'I really joined other children' creates a logical error. The intended meaning is negative: the student did not join others. This is a sentence structure/meaning error. Correct by inserting the negation 'didn't' and placing 'really' after the auxiliary for natural word order: 'didn't really join'.

× Yes, I think bikes are quite popular in my country because mostly in the countryside or even in the urban areas most people use bikes.

✓ Yes, I think bikes are quite popular in my country because, both in the countryside and in urban areas, most people use bikes.

The original uses awkward prepositional phrases and word order: 'mostly in the countryside or even in the urban areas' is clumsy. This is an incorrect use/ordering of prepositions. Improve by using parallel structure 'both in the countryside and in urban areas' and removing the definite article before 'urban areas' for natural usage.

× The reason that they use bikes is also due to petrol prices and also some people like to just keep themselves fit.

✓ People use bikes because of petrol prices, and some people also ride them to keep fit.

The original sentence is wordy and awkward with 'The reason that they use bikes is also due to...' and duplicated 'also'. This is a sentence structure/style issue. Improve by simplifying: use 'because of petrol prices' and separate the two reasons with 'and', placing 'also' appropriately or removing it. Use 'keep fit' instead of 'keep themselves fit' for conciseness.