Bike— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Improve accuracy, tense consistency and conciseness. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, avoid repetition, limit to up to five sentences, and add one or two specific supporting details linked logically. Correct articles and prepositions (e.g., “when I was five” not “at five years old”), and replace fillers like “and then” with linking words such as “so” or “because.”

예시: Yes, I did. When I was five years old I really wanted a bicycle, so I asked my mother to buy one for my birthday. She agreed, and I received my first bike as a birthday present. I remember learning to ride it in our neighborhood park within a week.

제안: Improve coherence, vocabulary choice and remove hesitations. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then use linking words (for example, “because,” “moreover,” “for example”) to organize reasons. Replace informal words (“cause,” “umm”) with formal equivalents and avoid inaccurate statements (e.g., “it's recycling” is unclear). Provide a specific example or statistic to support your view.

예시: Yes, I think bicycles are very popular in my country because they are inexpensive and good for health. For example, many people cycle to work or school every morning to avoid traffic and save money. Moreover, on weekends groups of friends often cycle in parks for exercise and leisure, which helps reduce air pollution.

× Yes, I do have a bike.

✓ Yes, I had a bike.

The question asks about the past ('when you were a child'), so the student should use past tense. Use 'had' instead of 'do have' to match the time reference. Suggestion: Use past simple for possessions in the past: 'I had a bike.'

× When I was at five years old and at that time I really wanted a bike.

✓ When I was five years old, I really wanted a bike.

The phrase 'at five years old' is incorrect; use 'when I was five years old' or 'at five.' Also 'and at that time' is redundant. Keep a single past-time expression and past simple tense. Suggestion: Say 'When I was five years old, I really wanted a bike.'

× I told my mom to buy me a bike and then she said yes.

✓ I asked my mom to buy me a bike, and she said yes.

Use 'asked' rather than 'told ... to buy me' for requesting; 'told' is not grammatically wrong but 'told someone to do something' implies command. 'Asked' fits better for a child requesting. Also add a comma before 'and' for clarity. Suggestion: Use 'asked my mom to buy me a bike.'

× And then the first time, like 5 years old, I got the bike as a present, as a birthday present.

✓ Then, when I was five years old, I got the bike as a birthday present.

The original is wordy and has incorrect placement of 'first time' and age. Use a clear time clause 'when I was five years old' and avoid repeating 'present.' Suggestion: 'When I was five years old, I got the bike as a birthday present.'

× Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country cause many people ride them to school or work in the mornings because they are cheap and healthy.

✓ Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country because many people ride them to school or work in the mornings since they are cheap and good for health.

Use the standard conjunction 'because' instead of informal 'cause.' Also 'healthy' describes people; say 'good for health' or 'healthy for people' or 'a healthy form of exercise.' Ensure consistent conjunction usage. Suggestion: Use 'because' and prefer 'good for health' or 'a healthy form of exercise.'

× And on weekends lots of my classmates go cycling for fun since it's an eco friendly way to exercise.

✓ On weekends, many of my classmates go cycling for fun because it's an eco-friendly way to exercise.

Avoid starting with 'And'; use 'On weekends' or 'Also.' Use 'many' instead of 'lots of' for a more formal register. Add a hyphen in 'eco-friendly.' Use 'because' for clarity. Suggestion: 'On weekends, many of my classmates go cycling for fun because it's an eco-friendly way to exercise.'

× But also it's umm recycling.

✓ Also, it's environmentally friendly and promotes recycling-minded behavior.

The sentence 'it's umm recycling' is ungrammatical and vague. 'Recycling' is a noun; you cannot say 'it is recycling.' Clarify the intended meaning: either 'it supports recycling' or 'it's environmentally friendly.' Remove filler 'umm.' Suggestion: Replace with 'It's environmentally friendly' or 'It encourages recycling.'