Study— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 発音と文法の正確さ、語順の改善に集中してください。組織や役割を述べる際には現在形と過去形を使い分け、繰り返しを避けて簡潔に話すことが重要です。例えば "I work for the Regional Revitalization Bureau, where I manage the distribution of subsidies. Previously, I belonged to the maritime division." のように一文目で現在の役割を述べ、接続詞で過去の部署について触れると流暢さと明瞭さが増します。また

예시: I work for the Regional Revitalization Bureau, where I manage the distribution of subsidies to local residents. Previously, I was in the maritime division, which handled coastal projects.

제안: 文をはっきり組み立て、主語と目的語を省略しないでください。どの学校か、何を学んでいるのかを具体的に述べ、補足情報は接続語（for example, also, besides）で繋げます。部分的に途切れている表現を避け、文を完結に保ってください。例えば「I study at X and I also attend a cram school to prepare for entrance exams.」のように。

예시: I study at a local university, where I focus on public administration. I also attend an exam preparation school to help me pass competitive civil service exams.

제안: 答えを簡潔にし、冗長な繰り返しを避けてください。理由を一つか二つ挙げる場合は、接続詞（because, because of, so）を使って論理的に繋ぎます。語彙は正確な単語を選び（"stimulating"など）、不要な語句を削ります。例: "Yes. It is stimulating because I study with other motivated students."

예시: Yes, it's a good place to study because I'm surrounded by motivated peers. Their dedication motivates me to work harder and improve my skills.

제안: 意図を明確に伝えるため、理由と希望する具体的な変更点を述べてください。文法的に正しい構造（主語＋動詞＋目的語）を保ち、理由は because や so を使って繋げます。例: "Yes, I would prefer quieter study spaces because I concentrate better when I'm alone."

예시: Yes. I would prefer quieter study spaces because I can concentrate on tasks and homework better when I'm alone. If possible, I would like private study rooms or quieter corners in the school.

제안: 計画を具体的に述べ、時制と所有格を正しく使ってください（"my certification"など）。どの資格か、なぜ学びたいか、どのように勉強するつもりかを一、二文で補足すると良いです。接続詞（because, so that）で目的を示すと明瞭になります。

예시: In the next five years, I want to obtain a certification in budget management to improve my financial skills. Although I studied law, I plan to take accounting and public finance courses so I can manage budgets more effectively.

× I'm I'm belonging to the Regional Revitalization Bureau and and I'm distributing subsidies to citizens only.

✓ I work at the Regional Revitalization Bureau, and I distribute subsidies only to citizens.

The verb 'belong' is stative and not used with progressive forms; say 'I belong to' rarely for employment — 'I work at' is natural. 'I'm distributing' is a present continuous that suggests a temporary ongoing action; simple present 'I distribute' suits habitual duties. Remove repeated words. Suggestion: use simple present for regular job duties and avoid progressive with stative verbs.

× I was belonging to maritime division.

✓ I was in the Maritime Division.

'Belong' is not normally used in the past progressive for membership; use 'was in' to indicate previous assignment or department. Also capitalize proper noun 'Maritime Division'. Suggestion: use 'was in' or 'worked in' to describe past departmental affiliation.

× I study at the school I. Or study very hard at school.

✓ I study at school and I study very hard.

The original contains fragments and a misordered pronoun 'I' after 'school'. Combine clauses into a single coherent sentence. Suggestion: keep subject before verb and link ideas with conjunctions.

× Besides, I went to the exam preparation school to enter to the very famous and.

✓ Besides, I went to an exam preparation school to enter a very famous university.

The sentence is incomplete and has incorrect preposition 'enter to'; the correct structure is 'enter a university' or 'enter into' rarely. Also missing object after 'very famous'. Suggestion: specify the institution and use 'enter' with direct object or 'gain admission to'.

× Yes, it is doing some preparation school gutters where many students that are willing to pass the exam studying with the students who are willing to pass the exams same as me stimulated by them.

✓ Yes, it is a preparation school where many students who want to pass the exam study together, and I am stimulated by them.

'It is doing' is incorrect for describing the school's nature; use 'it is a preparation school'. 'That are willing' should be 'who want' for people. 'Studying with the students who are willing' is redundant; simplify to 'study together'. 'Stimulated by them' should be 'I am stimulated by them' to include subject and correct verb form. Suggestion: simplify structure, use relative pronoun 'who' for people, and use simple present for habitual actions.

× Yes, I would change the place of study.

✓ Yes, I would change the place where I study.

The sentence is understandable but missing clarity: specify 'where I study' to indicate location. 'Would change' is a correct modal but needs an object phrase. Suggestion: add 'where I study' for clarity.

× I can concentrate on the tasks and homeworks during I I'm staying alone so I want to leave the class.

✓ I can concentrate on tasks and homework when I am alone, so I want to leave the class.

Problems: 'homeworks' is incorrect plural; use 'homework' uncountable. 'During I I'm staying alone' is ungrammatical; use 'when I am alone'. Also 'leave the class' meaning is unclear but grammatically corrected here. Suggestion: use 'when' for time clauses and correct uncountable nouns.

× In next 5 years I want to get our certification of the budget management.

✓ In the next five years I want to get a certification in budget management.

Missing article 'the' and 'next five years' should be plural written out; use 'a certification in' rather than 'our certification of the budget management'. Also write numbers as words in formal speech. Suggestion: use 'in the next five years' and 'a certification in'.

× I want to study about money.

✓ I want to study finance.

'Study about' is incorrect collocation; use 'study' plus subject noun (study finance) or 'study about' is informal and nonstandard. 'Money' is vague; 'finance' is the proper field. Suggestion: use 'study finance' or 'learn about money' for casual speech.

× I have studied law but I want to study.

✓ I have studied law, but I want to study finance now.

The sentence ends abruptly without stating what the speaker wants to study. Add the intended subject (finance) to complete the idea. Suggestion: always include the object of 'study' when contrasting past and future study plans.