Study— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be slightly more concise and avoid fillers like "uh". Start with a clear topic sentence and then give one or two specific supporting details (role, experience length, workplace). Use linking words if adding details (for example, "I have been working... since...").

예시: I work as a midwife. I have been practicing since I graduated from Iran University of Medical Sciences, which is one of the top medical universities in Iran, so I gained strong clinical experience early in my career.

제안: Answer directly with minimal hesitation. Give a clear topic sentence about your degree and university, then add one specific reason for choosing the subject using a linking phrase such as "because" or "as a result". Remove fillers and repeat names accurately.

예시: I studied midwifery at Iran University of Medical Sciences. I chose midwifery because I have always been passionate about caring for mothers and newborns, and the program offered strong clinical opportunities.

제안: This is a good direct answer. Improve coherence by using a linking word to connect points (for example, "and" or "moreover") and avoid unclear insertions like "UH". Provide one concrete example of the quality (a facility, a course, or clinical hours).

예시: Yes, it's an excellent place to study. It provides extensive clinical training and experienced professors; moreover, the midwifery program is highly ranked nationally, which gave me regular hands-on placements at busy maternity wards.

제안: Good specific suggestions. Improve clarity and grammar: use singular/plural correctly ("equipment" is uncountable), remove unclear abbreviations, and link points with words like "for example" or "also". Limit to two concise sentences maximum.

예시: Yes. For example, there is a staff shortage so students often receive insufficient clinical supervision, and I would also update the clinical laboratory equipment to provide better hands-on experience.

제안: Be concise and avoid hesitation. State one main plan first, then briefly explain why and where. Remove unclear insertions like "UH" and correct collocations ("gain a master's degree", "the UK").

예시: I plan to pursue a master's degree in nursing to deepen my clinical skills. I hope to study in countries such as Australia or the UK, where advanced clinical training and international exposure would help me improve my practice.

× I studied midwifery and I chose it because I was very interested, uh, in caring mothers and newborns.

✓ I studied midwifery and I chose it because I was very interested in caring for mothers and newborns.

The verb 'caring' requires the preposition 'for' when indicating the object of care. Use 'caring for mothers and newborns' to show whom you care for. Suggestion: remember common collocations like 'care for', 'look after'.

× Currently, I am working as a midwife. To be specific, uh, I have been working as a midwife since I graduated from Iran University of Medical Sciences, one of the top universities of Iran.

✓ Currently, I am working as a midwife. To be specific, I have been working as a midwife since I graduated from the Iran University of Medical Sciences, one of the top universities in Iran.

Proper nouns of institutions often take the definite article 'the' when the full formal name includes 'University of ...'. Use 'the Iran University of Medical Sciences' to sound natural. Suggestion: check the official name of the institution; if it commonly uses 'the', include it.

× Well, I've got my bachelor's degree from, uh, University of Medical Sciences, which is one of the top universities in Iran.

✓ Well, I've got my bachelor's degree from the University of Medical Sciences, which is one of the top universities in Iran.

Missing definite article before the institution name; include 'the' (preposition space issue). Also avoid extra commas. Suggestion: use 'from the University of...' when referring to a specific institution.

× Yes, it's an excellent place to study, it offers outstanding UH clinical training, and it has many experienced professors.

✓ Yes, it's an excellent place to study; it offers outstanding clinical training, and it has many experienced professors.

Abbreviation 'UH' is unclear and likely unnecessary; remove or expand it. Also two independent clauses should be joined properly (use semicolon or separate sentences). Suggestion: avoid unclear abbreviations and ensure correct punctuation between clauses.

× One downside is a shortage of staff, which means the students sometimes don't get enough UH guidance.

✓ One downside is a shortage of staff, which means students sometimes don't get enough guidance.

'The students' is unnecessarily specific; use 'students' generally. 'UH' is unclear and should be removed. Also 'guidance' is uncountable and does not need an article. Suggestion: use general plural 'students' and uncountable 'guidance'.

× I would also improve the clinical laboratories by updating their equipments because more modern tools would give students better hands on experience.

✓ I would also improve the clinical laboratories by updating their equipment because more modern tools would give students better hands-on experience.

'Equipment' is an uncountable noun and should not be pluralized as 'equipments'. 'Hands-on' is a compound adjective and needs a hyphen. Suggestion: use 'equipment' for collective tools and hyphenate 'hands-on'.

× I would like to uh gain a master degree in nursing and I would like to immigrate to another country, for example Australia or UK to improve my clinical UH knowledge.

✓ I would like to gain a master's degree in nursing and I would like to immigrate to another country, for example Australia or the UK, to improve my clinical knowledge.

Use 'a master's degree' (possessive form) not 'master degree'. Include 'the' before 'UK'. Remove unclear 'UH'. Add commas for clarity. Suggestion: say 'a master's degree' and 'the UK', and drop ambiguous abbreviations.