Study— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and structured. Start with a clear topic sentence (I both work and study), then add one or two specific details (course name and job). Avoid unnecessary words like “workaholic” which can confuse meaning. Use correct grammar for institution names and roles.

예시: I both work and study. I am studying for an Early Childhood Education diploma at ACC Brandon, and I work part-time as a security guard who patrols the campus.

제안: Give a clear direct answer and then one specific supporting reason. Use simpler, correct phrases (e.g., “second year of an Early Childhood Education diploma”). Avoid repetition ("developmental" twice) and fix grammar (subject-verb agreement).

예시: I study at ACC, where I am in the second year of an Early Childhood Education diploma. I enjoy it because it helps me understand children's development at different stages.

제안: Answer directly and keep supporting details relevant and coherent. Say why it is good (helpful professors, respectful environment) and avoid unclear sentences or unrelated references to news. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and correct phrasing ("international students").

예시: Yes, it's a very good place to study because the professors are helpful and the college is welcoming to international students. Because of this respectful atmosphere, students from different countries feel comfortable here.

제안: Start with a clear direct response (No major changes), then add one specific improvement with reason. Use concise phrasing and correct word order (e.g., "quieter study areas"), and include a linking word (because) to explain why.

예시: I don't want any major changes, but I would like quieter study areas because the campus can be quite crowded and noisy, which makes it hard to concentrate.

제안: Give a clear plan in one topic sentence, then one or two specific steps or goals. Use correct program names and explain the outcome (e.g., become a centre director). Avoid trailing off and incomplete sentences.

예시: I plan to continue my training by taking the ECE Level 3 course. This will qualify me for leadership roles in childcare, and I hope to become a centre director in the future.

× Well, currently I am both workaholic and a student at college pursuing my early childhood education diploma in ACC Brandon and on the other side I am a part-time security patrolling security guard and.

✓ Well, currently I am both a workaholic and a college student pursuing my Early Childhood Education diploma at ACC Brandon, and I am also a part-time security patrol guard.

Missing article before 'workaholic' and 'college student' and awkward word order; 'part-time security patrolling security guard and' is redundant and ungrammatical. Add the article 'a', use parallel structure ('a workaholic and a college student'), use 'at ACC Brandon' for location, and simplify the job title to 'part-time security patrol guard' or 'part-time security guard'. Ensure sentence ends properly. Suggested improvement: add appropriate articles, maintain parallel structure, and avoid redundant words.

× Currently I'm a college student pursuing my second year UH Early Childhood Education diploma and I love this field of study as it gives me a pleasure and help upgrade my knowledge in the developmental of a different developmental stage of child.

✓ Currently I'm a college student in my second year of the Early Childhood Education diploma, and I love this field of study because it gives me pleasure and helps me upgrade my knowledge of the different developmental stages of children.

Tense and verb form errors: 'gives me a pleasure' is incorrect; use 'gives me pleasure' or 'is a pleasure'. 'Help upgrade' needs subject-verb agreement and an object: use 'helps me upgrade'. 'the developmental of a different developmental stage of child' is ungrammatical—use 'knowledge of the different developmental stages of children'. Improve clarity and correct verb agreement. Suggested improvement: use correct prepositions ('in my second year of'), ensure subject-verb agreement, and use plural 'children' for general reference.

× Yes, definitely. I think ACC is a perfect place to study as all the professors are very helpful. We can international students. As I listen in the news, the student feels so much criticism because they migrate from different countries to the UH another countries. But over here everyone feels respected.

✓ Yes, definitely. I think ACC is a perfect place to study because all the professors are very helpful. As international students, we sometimes hear in the news that students receive a lot of criticism because they migrate from different countries to other countries, but here everyone feels respected.

Pronoun and sentence structure problems: 'We can international students' is incorrect—should be 'As international students, we...'. 'As I listen in the news' should be 'As I hear on the news' or 'we sometimes hear on the news'. 'The student feels so much criticism' is awkward; use 'students receive a lot of criticism'. 'They migrate from different countries to the UH another countries' is ungrammatical; use 'they migrate from different countries to other countries'. Correct pronoun reference and overall sentence flow. Suggested improvement: start with a clear clause ('As international students') and use consistent plural nouns and pronouns.

× There is nothing specific that I want to change in the place where I want to study, but I want a bit peaceful environment because as this is seen because colleges are little crowded.

✓ There is nothing specific I want to change about the place where I study, but I would like a slightly more peaceful environment because the college is a bit crowded.

Awkward and repetitive phrasing: 'in the place where I want to study' is redundant when the student already studies there—use 'where I study'. 'I want a bit peaceful environment' needs an article and adjective order: 'a slightly more peaceful environment'. The clause 'because as this is seen because' is redundant and ungrammatical—simplify to 'because the college is a bit crowded'. Suggested improvement: remove redundancy, use correct article 'a', and choose clearer comparative adverbs like 'slightly more'.

× So as I already mentioned, currently I am pursuing my early childhood education diploma. I want to further expand my knowledge in this field by taking ECE three with directs me to the better pathway in my future as I can be a director somewhere in the center and it also gives me a bunch of knowledge that I am.

✓ As I mentioned, I am currently pursuing my Early Childhood Education diploma. I want to further expand my knowledge in this field by taking ECE 3, which will direct me to a better pathway in the future so I can become a director at a centre; it will also give me a great deal of knowledge.

Incorrect use of clauses and gerunds: 'with directs me' is ungrammatical; use a relative clause 'which will direct me'. 'I can be a director somewhere in the center' should be 'so I can become a director at a centre'. 'It also gives me a bunch of knowledge that I am' is incomplete and informal—use 'it will also give me a great deal of knowledge'. Correct verb forms and complete ideas. Suggested improvement: use relative clauses with correct verb tense ('which will'), avoid informal phrases like 'a bunch of knowledge', and finish each clause clearly.