Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more coherent and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words, and avoid filler words and repetition. Focus on precise vocabulary (e.g., 'architectural details', 'landscapes') and keep your answer under five sentences. Also correct minor grammatical issues (e.g., 'cool architecture' -> 'interesting architecture').

예시: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. In particular, I like photographing buildings because I appreciate their architectural details, such as facades and shapes. I also take landscape photos when I visit wide open spaces like mountain peaks or beaches, as those scenes convey a sense of scale and atmosphere.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence and then support it with specific reasons using linking words. Remove hesitation and repetition. Use more precise phrases (e.g., 'a sense of openness', 'closer to nature') and limit to three sentences for clarity and naturalness.

예시: I prefer views in rural areas because they offer a stronger connection to nature and a sense of openness. For example, walking on a hillside or along a quiet beach helps me relax and clear my mind. Therefore, rural landscapes are more refreshing for me than crowded city scenes.

제안: Make your stance clear with one concise topic sentence, then give specific reasons and an example. Avoid long, disorganized background information and repetitive phrasing. Use linking words like 'because' or 'for example' and correct grammar (e.g., 'I haven't traveled much in my own country').

예시: I prefer views in other countries because I have traveled more abroad than within my own country. For example, since moving to Canada at 24 I have visited several places here that offered striking scenery, whereas I haven't had many opportunities to explore landscapes back home.

× Yes, I love taking pictures I'm very good at taking pictures of other things not particularly.

✓ Yes, I love taking pictures. I'm not particularly very good at taking pictures of other things.

Run-on sentence and incorrect placement of 'not particularly'. Split into two sentences and move 'not particularly' to modify the clause it refers to. Use 'I'm not particularly very good at' to express limited ability.

× I like to take pictures of buildings, especially when it's a cool architecture and uh, sometimes we when we go to a wide space like mountain peaks or beach or somewhere, I always like to take pictures It's really.

✓ I like to take pictures of buildings, especially when there is interesting architecture, and sometimes when we go to wide open spaces like mountain peaks or the beach I always like to take pictures.

'Cool architecture' is informal; use 'interesting architecture' or 'notable architecture'. 'It's a cool architecture' is ungrammatical because 'architecture' is an uncountable/abstract noun here; use 'there is' or 'interesting architecture'. Removed filler and fixed run-on by joining clauses correctly. Added articles where needed ('the beach').

× I would say I like more in rural rural areas as it gives uh more nature vibes, connection with the nature and also gives me feeling of having an openness.

✓ I would say I prefer rural areas because they give more natural vibes, a connection with nature, and a feeling of openness.

Use 'prefer rural areas' rather than 'like more in rural areas'. 'Gives more nature vibes' is ungrammatical; use 'give more natural vibes'. 'Connection with the nature' should be 'connection with nature' (no definite article). Use plural agreement ('they give') to match 'areas'.

× It opens up my mind and it refreshes me.

✓ They open up my mind and refresh me.

Subject should agree with the plural antecedent 'rural areas' (they). Change verbs to plural form and remove redundant 'it' for smoother sentence.

× I would say other countries as I've never traveled a lot in my country.

✓ I would say other countries, because I haven't traveled a lot in my own country.

Use 'because' to show reason; 'I've never traveled a lot in my country' is understandable but 'my own country' is clearer. Use present perfect negative 'haven't traveled' for experience up to now.

× When I was 24 I just came to Canada and then I went to different places from here but never got a chance to just visit my own country.

✓ When I was 24 I came to Canada, and then I traveled to different places from here, but I never got a chance to visit my own country.

Avoid unnecessary 'just' and use simple past 'came' and 'traveled' for completed actions. Clarified object of 'went' to 'traveled to different places.' Added 'I' before 'never got' to complete the clause.

× So according to me till now as of my experience, I would say other countries have better views.

✓ So, based on my experience so far, I would say other countries have better views.

'According to me' is nonstandard; use 'based on my experience' or 'in my opinion'. 'Till now as of my experience' is redundant; use 'so far'. Tense and modality 'would say' is acceptable; sentence smoothed for natural wording.