Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Start with a clear, direct topic sentence. Remove filler and contradictions ("I don't care" then "Yes"). Use one or two linked supporting points with specific detail and a linking word. Aim for 2–4 sentences, simple cohesive devices (because, so, for example).

예시: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views because they help me remember places and moments. For example, a photo of a beach takes me back to the weather and who I was with, so I keep many pictures to remind me of those feelings.

제안: Give a direct preference and explain briefly with specific reason. Eliminate hesitations and fillers (uh, umm). Use linking words (however, because, also) and concrete details (what you like about each area). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

예시: I prefer both urban and rural views because each offers something different. For example, I like city skylines for their architecture, but I also enjoy countryside scenes for peaceful nature, so I take photos in both places when I can.

제안: Answer directly (own country, other countries, or both) and give specific comparisons or examples. Avoid vague adjectives repeated (amazing, wonderful) without details. Use linking words (also, however, for example) and keep to 2–3 sentences.

예시: I prefer views in my own country because I know the history and context behind many places, which makes them more meaningful to me. However, I also enjoy scenery abroad for its different cultures and landscapes, for example, mountains or seaside towns I haven't seen at home.

× I don't care. Yes, because I believe putting pictures of different views make the memories and we can generate positive or negative moments from these pictures.

✓ Yes, because I believe putting pictures of different views makes memories and can evoke positive or negative moments.

Original has unnecessary 'I don't care' contradicting 'Yes' and uses incorrect verb agreement ('make the memories') and word choice ('generate' is awkward). This is a sentence structure and subject-verb agreement issue. Use 'makes memories' because 'putting pictures' (a singular gerund phrase) takes singular verb; use 'evoke' or 'can evoke' to describe producing emotions. Remove 'I don't care' for clarity or separate into a different sentence if intended.

× So I think it's fine to keep pictures.

✓ So I think it's fine to keep the pictures.

Missing definite article before 'pictures' makes the sentence ungrammatical or vague. Use 'the pictures' to refer to the previously mentioned photos. This fits present simple tense and clarity.

× Actually, I uh, prefer both of them, uh, to uh, take mini pictures in many places, uh, but sometimes I feel fair from urban areas because this is umm, uh, far from my city, so maybe.

✓ Actually, I prefer both. I like to take small pictures in many places, but sometimes I avoid urban areas because they are far from my city.

Fillers ('uh', 'umm') should be removed in writing. 'Prefer both of them' should be clarified as 'prefer both' or 'both types'. 'Mini pictures' is unnatural; use 'small pictures' or 'small photos.' 'I feel fair from urban areas' is incorrect—likely intended 'I stay away from' or 'I avoid' because urban areas are far. Corrected to 'avoid urban areas because they are far from my city.' This addresses sentence structure and word choice.

× Actually I prefer most of them and there are views that are beautiful in my own country.

✓ Actually, I prefer most of them, and there are beautiful views in my own country.

Awkward phrasing 'there are views that are beautiful' can be simplified to 'there are beautiful views.' Maintain plurality agreement: 'views' with 'are.' Also add a comma before 'and' for clarity.

× Actually it's amazing and wonderful and when I go to another countries I show some views beautiful also and.

✓ It's amazing and wonderful, and when I go to other countries I also take photos of beautiful views.

'Another countries' is ungrammatical; use 'other countries.' 'I show some views beautiful' is incorrect word order—intended meaning is likely 'I take photos of beautiful views' or 'I also see beautiful views.' Use 'take photos of beautiful views' to match topic. Remove trailing 'and.' This fixes article/pronoun and sentence structure errors.