Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitation fillers (uh, I guess), correct awkward phrases (e.g. "freeze the moment of my life" -> "capture moments"), and give one specific supporting detail. Limit to 3–4 sentences and use a linking word if adding detail.

예시: I don't usually take photos of random daily moments; instead, I prefer to capture important memories. For example, I like photographing my family during vacations because those shots show real emotions and meaningful events.

제안: Make a clear choice and avoid conflicting ideas in one answer. Remove fillers (uh, umm) and grammatical errors ("motivates" -> "motivate", fix sentence fragments). Use one linking word to add a reason or contrast. Keep to 2–3 sentences maximum.

예시: I prefer urban views because skyscrapers and busy cafes inspire my creativity. However, I also appreciate quieter city spots where a breeze and small parks let me capture peaceful moments.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence saying which you prefer, then support it with one or two specific reasons. Avoid vague or awkward phrases (e.g. "securities in this greenery") and unnecessary repetition. Use linking words like "because" or "for example" and keep sentences grammatical and concise.

예시: I prefer views in other countries because they feel new and different. For example, seeing unique architecture and experiencing local customs makes travel photos more memorable and interesting.

× Not really actually. I don't take photos of random moments in my daily life, but I'm really interested to freeze the moment of my life.

✓ Not really, actually. I don't take photos of random moments in my daily life, but I'm really interested in freezing the moments of my life.

The phrase 'interested to freeze' is incorrect; 'interested in' requires a noun or gerund. 'Freeze' should be in gerund form 'freezing' to act as a noun. Also 'the moment' is unnatural when speaking generally, so plural 'the moments' is better. Suggestion: Use 'interested in' + verb-ing (gerund) for hobbies or interests, and use plural when referring to multiple instances.

× Especially, uh, taking pictures of breathtaking views of my families I guess.

✓ Especially, uh, taking pictures of breathtaking views of my family, I guess.

'Families' is incorrect if referring to one's family as a single unit; use 'family' (singular collective noun). Also 'views of my family' is slightly awkward — if meaning family members in scenic places, 'photos of my family' or 'family members' is clearer. Suggestion: Use 'family' for the household or 'family members' if plural people are meant.

× I prefer city views uh this because the skyscrapers and bustling cafes motivates me to create and work.

✓ I prefer city views because the skyscrapers and bustling cafes motivate me to create and work.

The subject here is compound plural 'the skyscrapers and bustling cafes', so the verb should be plural 'motivate' not singular 'motivates'. Remove unnecessary words like 'uh this'. Suggestion: Ensure subject-verb agreement: plural subjects take plural verbs.

× But umm, and I like to live in the heart of this city by the breeze of fresh air inspires me to take photos of the peaceful moments of my life.

✓ But I like to live in the heart of the city because the breeze of fresh air inspires me to take photos of peaceful moments in my life.

Original mixes clauses incorrectly. Use 'because' to join reason clause. 'In the heart of this city by the breeze of fresh air inspires me' is ungrammatical. Also 'the heart of the city' is more natural than 'this city' when generalizing. 'Peaceful moments in my life' is clearer. Suggestion: Use conjunctions like 'because' to link reason clauses and keep clause order logical: main clause + because + reason.

× I prefer views in the other countries 'cause everything in my country looks familiar and I really like exploring new places because of the cultural differences.

✓ I prefer views in other countries because everything in my country looks familiar and I really like exploring new places for their cultural differences.

Do not use the definite article 'the' before 'other countries' when speaking generally. Also avoid colloquial ''cause'; use 'because'. 'Because of the cultural differences' is vague; 'for their cultural differences' is more natural. Suggestion: Use 'other countries' without 'the' when generalizing and prefer 'because' in formal speech.

× Unique, memorable places and securities in this greenery on the other side, definitely.

✓ Unique, memorable places and a sense of security in that greenery, definitely.

'Securities' is incorrect as a noun here; the correct expression is 'a sense of security'. 'In this greenery on the other side' is awkward; 'in that greenery' or 'in the greenery there' is clearer. Reorder to make phrase grammatical: list items plus comment. Suggestion: Use 'a sense of security' for the feeling, and choose demonstrative ('that' or 'the') consistently.