Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, um) and odd phrases ("fresh as Daisy"). Add one specific supporting detail and a linking word. Keep to under five sentences.

예시: I don't usually take photos of views; I prefer to enjoy them in the moment. For example, when I visit the coast I like to sit and watch the waves because it helps me relax.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence, remove fillers, and use linking words to add a specific reason. Use precise vocabulary (countryside, mountains, lakes). Keep it to two or three sentences.

예시: I prefer rural views rather than urban ones because I enjoy mountains, rivers and lakes. For instance, the fresh air and quiet in the countryside help me unwind after a busy week.

제안: Provide a direct topic sentence, remove hesitations and awkward phrases ("new for inside views"). Use a linking word (however, but) to contrast and give one specific example for each option. Keep sentences short and clear.

예시: I like both local and foreign views, but for different reasons. For example, I feel emotionally attached to the rolling hills and historical buildings near my hometown; however, I also enjoy visiting foreign cities for their unique architecture and new experiences.

× Honestly speaking, it depends upon my mood as I'm not really into photography. Uh, I just love to enjoy the view rather than taking pictures and uh, it makes me feel fresh as Daisy.

✓ Honestly speaking, it depends on my mood because I'm not really into photography. I just prefer enjoying the view rather than taking pictures, and it makes me feel as fresh as a daisy.

Problems: incorrect preposition 'depends upon' (prefer 'depends on'), informal filler words can be reduced, awkward phrase 'love to enjoy' (use 'prefer enjoying' or 'like to enjoy'), missing article in simile 'fresh as Daisy' should be 'as fresh as a daisy'. Suggestions: use 'depends on', replace 'love to enjoy' with 'prefer enjoying' or 'prefer to enjoy', include the indefinite article 'a' before common similes (a daisy). Use 'because' instead of 'as' for clearer causal link when 'as' could be ambiguous.

× If I have to choose one, I personally prefer countryside area view UMM because I like uh the mountains, rivers and lakeside views. Also I can enjoy the fresh air from that UMM.

✓ If I have to choose one, I personally prefer countryside views because I like the mountains, rivers, and lakesides. Also, I can enjoy the fresh air there.

Problems: 'countryside area view' is ungrammatical; use plural 'countryside views' or 'the countryside'. 'Lakeside views' better as 'lakesides' or 'lakeside scenery'. Unnecessary filler 'UMM' removed. 'from that' is awkward—use 'there'. Suggestions: use natural collocations like 'prefer the countryside' or 'prefer countryside views', keep plural/singular consistent for lists ('the mountains, rivers, and lakes') and replace demonstrative 'that' with 'there' to indicate location.

× Uh, honestly speaking, I prefer both local and foreign side views. It actually depends upon situation as I am uh, mostly emotional connection to familiar landscapes such as rolling hills and historical architecture near my hometown. Uh, or sometimes uh, I just crave for the excitement of new for inside views.

✓ Honestly, I enjoy both local and foreign views. It actually depends on the situation because I mostly feel an emotional connection to familiar landscapes such as rolling hills and historical architecture near my hometown. Sometimes, I just crave the excitement of exploring new places.

Problems: 'local and foreign side views' is awkward—use 'local and foreign views'. 'Depends upon situation' should be 'depends on the situation'. Pronoun and verb forms incorrect: 'I am mostly emotional connection' should be 'I mostly feel an emotional connection' (missing verb and incorrect pronoun use). Last sentence is ungrammatical: 'crave for the excitement of new for inside views' should be 'crave the excitement of exploring new places' or 'crave new views'. Suggestions: remove fillers, use correct verb 'feel' with 'emotional connection', use 'exploring new places' or 'new views' for clarity and grammaticality, and maintain consistent prepositions ('depends on').