Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and structured. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce hesitations and avoid repetition. For example, mention specific occasions and what you capture (landscapes, candid moments) to make the response more precise and natural.

예시: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. For example, when I travel or hang out with friends I often take photos of landscapes and candid moments to remember the day. Also, I usually capture small details like interesting street scenes or unique buildings to create lasting memories.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence then add a specific reason and a brief example using a linking word. Avoid repetition of phrases and filler words. Mention a concrete image or activity that illustrates why rural views appeal to you.

예시: I prefer views in rural areas because they make me feel relaxed and calm. For instance, I enjoy watching wide green fields and listening to birdsong, which helps me unwind after a busy week. In contrast, city views often feel crowded and noisy.

제안: Speak more confidently and give specific reasons. Start with a direct statement, then explain why with concrete details or an example. Replace hesitations with brief pauses and use linking words to connect ideas (for example, ‘because’, ‘for instance’).

예시: I prefer views in my own country because I feel a strong emotional connection to its landscapes. For example, I love the familiar mountains and traditional villages that remind me of family trips and childhood memories, so those scenes always feel more meaningful to me.

× Uh, sure, I like taking photos when I usually travel or, uh, a chat or dating with my friends and we also always and we usually take photos, umm, a, a full memories.

✓ Uh, sure, I like taking photos when I usually travel or when I hang out or go on dates with my friends, and we usually take photos to capture memories.

The sentence has incorrect and repetitive conjunctions and awkward verb phrases. Replace 'a chat or dating' with 'hang out or go on dates' for correct verb forms. Remove redundant 'also always and we usually' and use a single clear phrase 'we usually take photos to capture memories'. Use parallel structure for the list of activities. Suggested improvement: simplify lists, use parallel verbs, and remove redundant words.

× I prefer rural areas because when I stay in the rural areas, I usually feel relaxed and I and I and I also can breathe freely in the countryside.

✓ I prefer rural areas because when I stay there I usually feel relaxed, and I can breathe freely in the countryside.

The sentence contains repetition and awkward phrasing. Remove repeated 'I and I and I' and avoid repeating 'rural areas' by using 'there'. Maintain present simple tense 'I usually feel' and 'I can breathe'. Suggested improvement: avoid repetition and use pronouns to prevent redundancy.

× Honestly, I prefer umm views in my own country because I, uh, I, because I uh, create umm, I had a very close and deep, deep uh, relationship with my country and I love it very much.

✓ Honestly, I prefer views in my own country because I have a very close and deep relationship with my country, and I love it very much.

The original mixes tenses and fillers and uses 'had' which suggests past rather than present. Use present perfect 'I have' to express an ongoing relationship. Remove filler words and duplicate adjectives. Ensure tense matches the current ongoing state. Suggested improvement: use present perfect for ongoing states and reduce fillers for clarity.