Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, um, yeah) and unnecessary repetition, and add one brief specific detail or example. Use linking words if you add reasons.

예시: I don't really enjoy taking photos of views because I lack the technical skills. For example, I only use my iPhone camera, which makes it hard to capture wide scenes well. Because of that, I usually admire the view without photographing it.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitation and filler words, and give one specific supporting detail or comparison using a linking word (for example, because, whereas).

예시: It depends, but generally I prefer urban views. For example, I enjoy city skylines and historic buildings because I grew up in a city and find the architecture more interesting than typical rural scenes.

제안: Be direct and reduce hesitation. Start with a clear statement of preference, give one specific reason and, if possible, an example contrasting home scenery with abroad. Keep it within a few sentences.

예시: I prefer the scenery in my own country because I'm familiar with its diverse architecture and cultural landmarks. For instance, the traditional buildings in my hometown have unique details I don't often see when I travel abroad.

× No, I don't like taking pictures and I'm not that great at it 'cause I don't have enough skills.

✓ No, I don't like taking pictures because I'm not very good at it; I don't have enough skills.

Conjunction 'and' incorrectly links two related clauses where 'because' expresses reason. Also informal 'that great' is acceptable but 'very good' is clearer; use a semicolon or separate clauses for clarity. Suggest replacing 'and' with 'because' and avoid contractions in formal speech.

× Yeah And, uh, I've never had a proper camera.

✓ Yes, I have never had a proper camera.

Beginning with 'Yeah And' is informal and joins sentences awkwardly. Replace with 'Yes, I have never had a proper camera.' to use correct auxiliary verb and article usage. Use 'a proper camera' (correct indefinite article) and avoid capitalizing 'And' mid-sentence.

× I've got one on my iPhone and it's not that, uh, great for taking snaps.

✓ I have one on my iPhone, and it's not very good for taking pictures.

Informal filler 'that' before 'great' is colloquial; 'very good' is clearer. 'Snaps' is informal; 'pictures' is more neutral. Use 'I have' instead of contraction for formal clarity and include comma before conjunction joining independent clauses.

× Well actually it depends on what kind of urban and rural areas we are talking about 'cause there are some hideous places in both cities and countryside.

✓ Well, actually it depends on what kind of urban and rural areas we are talking about, because there are some hideous places in both cities and the countryside.

Missing definite article before 'countryside' and colloquial 'cause' should be 'because'. Also add commas for clarity. Use 'the countryside' when referring to a general area contrasted with cities.

× But as a rule I prefer urban landscapes cause uh, I grew up in a city.

✓ But, as a rule, I prefer urban landscapes because I grew up in a city.

Replace informal 'cause' with 'because'; add commas around 'as a rule' as a parenthetical phrase. Remove filler 'uh' for fluency.

× Well, umm, I can't say I've got, uh, great experience in terms of traveling abroad, but I've been to a few countries and, uh, actually I prefer, uh, the sceneries of, uh, my country because, uh, I grew up here and I'm really into its architecture.

✓ Well, I can't say I have much experience traveling abroad, but I've been to a few countries, and I actually prefer the scenery of my country because I grew up here and I'm really interested in its architecture.

Multiple issues: 'I've got great experience' is awkward; use 'I have much experience' or 'I don't have much experience'. 'Sceneries' is incorrect plural; 'scenery' is an uncountable noun. Remove excessive fillers 'uh' and 'umm'. Use 'interested in' rather than 'into' for correct preposition. Use commas to separate clauses and avoid redundant commas.