Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more fluent and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations (uh, umm), correct grammar (use tense and count agreement), and give one specific example with a short reason. Limit to 2–3 sentences and use a linking phrase for clarity.

예시: Yes, I do. I enjoy taking photos because they help me capture small but beautiful moments from my life. For example, I often photograph my family during weekend gatherings because those pictures keep precious memories of our time together.

제안: Provide a direct topic sentence naming the preference, remove fillers, and give 1–2 specific reasons with clear linking words (because, therefore, so). Use correct adjectives and simpler phrasing rather than repeating ideas.

예시: I prefer rural views to urban ones because open countryside feels more natural and peaceful. For example, walking through wide fields and forests makes me feel relaxed and refreshed, so I often visit parks or nearby villages at weekends.

제안: Start with a clear preference and give a concise reason (memories, familiarity). Then add a contrasting idea about wanting to travel, with a specific example and complete sentence. Avoid repetitions and incomplete sentence endings.

예시: I prefer the views in my own country because I grew up there and they remind me of my childhood. However, I would also like to see landscapes abroad, for instance the Himalayas, because I am curious about different cultures and dramatic mountain scenery.

× Yes, of course, because it's helped me, uh, remember small, but uh, umm, beautiful thing in my life.

✓ Yes, of course, because it helps me remember small but beautiful things in my life.

Original used 'it's helped' (present perfect) which conflicts with general, habitual idea; also 'thing' should be plural 'things' to match 'small but beautiful' as multiple instances. Use simple present 'helps' for habitual effect and plural noun. Suggestion: use 'it helps me remember' and 'things'.

× For for example, I really enjoy taking, uh, photographing my family because it is very really meaningful for me.

✓ For example, I really enjoy taking photographs of my family because it is very meaningful to me.

Redundant repetition 'for for' removed. 'Taking, photographing' is awkward; use either 'taking photographs of' or 'photographing'. 'Very really meaningful' is nonstandard; use 'very meaningful' and 'for me' should be 'to me'. Suggestion: choose one verb form and simplify adjectives.

× To be honest, I uh, enjoy the scenery and open areas more because uh, it is real.

✓ To be honest, I enjoy the scenery and open areas more because they feel real.

Pronoun 'it' mismatches plural 'scenery and open areas'; use plural pronoun 'they' and 'feel' to match. 'Feel real' expresses perception better than 'is real'. Suggestion: ensure pronoun-agreement and verb number match subject.

× It makes me feel really convenient, uh, vibrant and also umm, feel feeling good when I saw it, when I see it.

✓ It makes me feel really comfortable, vibrant, and happy when I see it.

'Convenient' describes objects, not feelings; use 'comfortable'. 'Feel feeling good' is redundant; use 'happy'. Tense 'when I saw it' (past) conflicts with 'when I see it' (present); keep present 'when I see it'. Also improve adverb placement by placing 'really' before adjective it modifies. Suggestion: use appropriate adjective for feelings and consistent tense.

× To be honest, I really love uh, the views in my own country because it is where I lived, uh, when, when I was small and right and right now.

✓ To be honest, I really love the views in my own country because it is where I lived when I was small and where I live now.

Original mixed past and present awkwardly. Use 'lived when I was small' (past) and 'live now' (present) with 'where' repeated for clarity. Also remove filler words. Suggestion: separate time references clearly and use correct verb forms.

× But if I have chance, I want to see uh, the view in other countries, for example, the mountain, Himalaya.

✓ But if I have the chance, I would like to see the views in other countries, for example the Himalayas.

Missing article 'the chance' and 'want' is acceptable but 'would like' is more polite and conditional after 'if'. 'The view' should be plural 'views' or specific; 'the mountain, Himalaya' is incorrect order and singular; use 'the Himalayas' or 'Mount Everest in the Himalayas' for clarity. Suggestion: include articles and use correct place names and conditional phrasing.

× It is really.

✓ They are really beautiful.

Fragment 'It is really.' is incomplete and unclear. Refers to 'views' so use plural 'they are really beautiful' to complete meaning. Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments; ensure subject and complement are present.