Views— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid awkward phrases (e.g. “keep the best shocks”), and limit to maximum five sentences. Add one specific example and a linking word to improve coherence. Focus on using accurate collocations (e.g. “keep the best shots” not “shocks”).

예시: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views, especially natural scenes like rolling mountains and rivers at sunrise and sunset. For example, last spring I hiked to a nearby ridge and captured a panoramic shot of mist over the valley, which felt very peaceful. I usually share my favorite shots online to keep memories and get feedback from friends.

제안: Make the response more direct and natural with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundancy (tranquility and peaceful atmosphere repeat), and use smoother linking words (e.g. “because” or “as a result”). Include a brief concrete detail to support your preference.

예시: I prefer rural areas because they are quieter and less crowded than cities. For instance, I enjoy photographing farmland and quiet lakes where the lack of traffic lets me concentrate and relax, which helps clear my mind and recharge.

제안: Start with a direct answer, then give a concise reason and a specific example. Avoid informal shortcuts like “1st” and be precise about what you mean by “record memories” (e.g. “document a trip”). Use one linking word to connect ideas.

예시: I like views both at home and abroad, but I usually prefer exploring and photographing my own country first. For example, last summer I toured several coastal towns to document local architecture and sunsets, which helped me remember the trip and the feelings each place evoked.

× I often travel to places near nature to capture these moments because they make me feel peaceful and I also keep the best shocks as memory or share time with friends online.

✓ I often travel to places near nature to capture these moments because they make me feel peaceful, and I also keep the best shots as memories or share them with friends online.

The original sentence uses 'shocks' incorrectly; the correct noun is 'shots' when referring to photographs. 'Memory' should be plural 'memories' to match 'the best shots' and general usage. Also add a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'and' joining two independent clauses, and include the pronoun 'them' to refer back to 'shots'. Suggestion: replace 'shocks' with 'shots', change 'memory' to 'memories', insert a comma before 'and', and add 'them' before 'with friends online'.

× I definitely prefer rural areas where they lack traffic congestion, towering buildings and large factories, but instead I enjoy the breathtaking natural scenes because of the tranquility and peaceful atmosphere they provide to help me clear my mind and stay healthy.

✓ I definitely prefer rural areas that lack traffic congestion, towering buildings, and large factories; instead, I enjoy the breathtaking natural scenes because of the tranquility and peaceful atmosphere they provide, which helps me clear my mind and stay healthy.

The phrase 'where they lack' is incorrect because 'they' lacks a clear subject and causes a subject-verb agreement/type issue; use 'that lack' or 'which lack' to refer to 'rural areas'. Also add commas in the list and restructure the sentence: replace the conjunction 'but instead' with a semicolon and 'instead' for clearer contrast. 'They provide to help me' is awkward; change to 'which helps me' to correctly link the result (singular 'which' refers to the combined tranquility and atmosphere as a singular effect) and ensure correct verb agreement. Suggestion: use 'that lack' and restructure the clause to 'which helps me...' for clarity and correct agreement.

× I enjoy views both in my own country and abroad, but I prefer to travel around my country 1st and photograph its natural landscapes and cityscapes.

✓ I enjoy views both in my own country and abroad, but I prefer to travel around my country first and photograph its natural landscapes and cityscapes.

The abbreviation '1st' is informal and not appropriate in this context; use the word 'first'. This is an error of register and formatting rather than grammar category given, but it affects clarity. Replace '1st' with 'first' to match formal spoken/written English.

× I'm really into exploring new places and capturing images that record memories and show how the scene made me feel.

✓ I'm really into exploring new places and capturing images that record memories and show how the scene makes me feel.

The clause 'show how the scene made me feel' mixes tenses: 'I'm really into' is present, so the effect should be described in the present: 'makes me feel'. Use present tense 'makes' to match the speaker's current, habitual feeling. Suggestion: keep consistent present tense when describing current reactions.