Chocolate— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 回答は自然ですが、「I adore eating chocolate」を繰り返しているため冗長に感じられます。また、「umm」などのフィラーは避け、より明確で簡潔な表現を心がけましょう。理由の説明は良いですが、もう少し具体的な例を加えると効果的です。

예시: Yes, I really enjoy eating chocolate because it helps me concentrate when I study or work. For example, having a small piece during breaks refreshes my mind and boosts my energy.

제안: 回答は明確で構造も良く、理由と頻度を具体的に述べています。ただし、「which is not very healthy」の部分をもう少し自然な表現にするとさらに良くなります。

예시: I usually avoid eating chocolate because it has a lot of calories and sugar, which can be unhealthy. However, I treat myself to a small piece during short breaks about once a month to satisfy my sweet tooth without overdoing it.

제안: 文法的な誤りや不自然な表現が多く、意味が伝わりにくいです。特に「without involving」や「health system」は不適切な表現です。もっと簡潔で正確な文を心がけ、理由も明確に述べましょう。

예시: I didn't eat chocolate often as a child because my mother thought it was bad for my health and didn't allow me to have much.

제안: 理由は理解できますが、「high calorie and sugar that it has」という表現は不自然です。また、「which which」の繰り返しも避けましょう。より自然で具体的な表現を使い、文を簡潔にまとめてください。

예시: Chocolate is popular worldwide because it contains sugar and calories that provide a quick energy boost, helping people feel refreshed and ready to study or work.

제안: 回答は明確ですが、「The Better chocolate」が具体的に何を指すのか不明瞭です。また、「satisfaction to my sweet cravings」は少し不自然なので、より自然な表現にしましょう。

예시: My favorite chocolate is a brand called The Better Chocolate because it has less sugar and calories, but still has a mild sweetness that satisfies my sweet cravings.

제안: 回答は自然で感情も伝わりますが、「The other people」という表現は「others」や「people」などにするとより自然です。また、「which gives them a warm feeling」も少し簡潔にできます。

예시: I believe chocolate makes a wonderful gift, especially if it's homemade. People can really appreciate the effort and love put into making it, which makes them feel special.

× I adore eating chocolate.

✓ I adore eating chocolate.

No correction needed. The verb 'adore' is correctly followed by the gerund 'eating'.

× I adore it because umm, chocolate helps me concentrate, to study, to work and to exercise.

✓ I adore it because, umm, chocolate helps me concentrate, study, work, and exercise.

After 'helps me', the verbs should be in base form without 'to'. Using 'to' before each verb is incorrect here.

× And also sugar helps your mind to reactivate and refresh, which helps me a lot.

✓ And also sugar helps your mind reactivate and refresh, which helps me a lot.

After 'helps', verbs should be in base form without 'to'. 'to reactivate' and 'to refresh' should be 'reactivate' and 'refresh'.

× I usually avoid eating chocolate because it contains a high amount of calories and sugar, which is not very healthy.

✓ I usually avoid eating chocolate because it contains a high amount of calories and sugar, which are not very healthy.

The relative pronoun 'which' refers to 'calories and sugar' (plural), so the verb should be plural 'are' instead of 'is'.

× I did not often eat chocolate and I avoided eating chocolate too much without involving because it is very bad for my health system and so so my mom won't let me eat chocolate.

✓ I did not often eat chocolate and I avoided eating too much chocolate because it is very bad for my health, so my mom wouldn't let me eat chocolate.

'Without involving' is incorrect and unnecessary here. 'Health system' should be 'health'. Also, 'won't' should be 'wouldn't' to match past tense context.

× I think it is popular around the world because of the high calorie and sugar that it has which which gives us the energy boost and makes us refresh our minds to study and work again.

✓ I think it is popular around the world because of the high calories and sugar that it has, which give us an energy boost and help us refresh our minds to study and work again.

'Calorie and sugar' should be plural 'calories and sugar'. Also, 'which' refers to plural, so verbs should be plural 'give' and 'help'.

× My favorite flavor of chocolate is The Better chocolate.

✓ My favorite flavor of chocolate is Better chocolate.

The definite article 'The' should not be capitalized or used unless it is part of a proper noun. Here, it seems to be a brand name, so 'The' should be omitted or lowercase if not part of the name.

× It doesn't have a high amount of calories and sugar, but it has a slight taste of sweetness which gives me satisfaction to my sweet cravings.

✓ It doesn't have a high amount of calories and sugar, but it has a slight sweetness which satisfies my sweet cravings.

'Taste of sweetness' is awkward; 'slight sweetness' is better. Also, 'gives me satisfaction to my sweet cravings' is incorrect; 'satisfies my sweet cravings' is the correct expression.

× The other people can certainly feel that effort and love you put in to make the chocolate, which gives them a warm feeling.

✓ Other people can certainly feel the effort and love you put into making the chocolate, which gives them a warm feeling.

'The other people' is incorrect here; 'Other people' is appropriate. Also, 'put in to make' should be 'put into making' for correct preposition and gerund use.