Chocolate— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Try to avoid redundancy and grammatical errors. Use a clear topic sentence and support it with specific details. For example, say "I really like eating chocolates because they taste sweet and comforting. My favourite brand is Dairy Milk. Recently, my brother gifted me a box of red chocolates for my 18th birthday."

예시: I really enjoy eating chocolates because they are sweet and comforting. My favourite brand is Dairy Milk, which I find delicious. Recently, my brother gifted me a box of red chocolates for my 18th birthday, which made me very happy.

제안: Avoid repetition and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to connect ideas logically. For example, "I eat chocolates once or twice a week because I care about my health. Eating too much chocolate can be harmful, so I try to limit it."

예시: I eat chocolates once or twice a week because I care about my health. Eating too much chocolate can be harmful, so I try to limit my consumption.

제안: Avoid repeating words and improve fluency. Use a clear topic sentence and add specific details with linking words. For example, "Yes, I often ate chocolates as a child because my family and relatives gifted them to me, especially on my birthdays. One of my favourite chocolates was Ferrero Rocher."

예시: Yes, I often ate chocolates as a child because my family and relatives gifted them to me, especially on my birthdays. One of my favourite chocolates was Ferrero Rocher.

제안: Make your answer more concise and avoid repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas. For example, "Chocolate is popular worldwide because children and adults enjoy its sweet taste and attractive shapes. These qualities make it appealing to many people."

예시: Chocolate is popular worldwide because children and adults enjoy its sweet taste and attractive shapes. These qualities make it appealing to many people.

제안: Avoid redundancy and improve sentence clarity. Use a topic sentence and supporting details. For example, "There are many chocolate flavours available today, but my favourite is vanilla because I really enjoy its smooth and sweet taste."

예시: There are many chocolate flavours available today, but my favourite is vanilla because I really enjoy its smooth and sweet taste.

제안: Make your answer clearer and avoid informal expressions. Use linking words to explain your opinion. For example, "Yes, I think chocolates make good gifts because many people enjoy eating them. Receiving chocolates can make them very happy."

예시: Yes, I think chocolates make good gifts because many people enjoy eating them. Receiving chocolates can make them very happy.

× Indeed, I am a fond of chocolates and I love chocolates a lot and my favorite brand of chocolate is Dairy Milk and recently my brother had had gifted my box of red chocolate on my 18th bird.

✓ Indeed, I am fond of chocolates and I love chocolates a lot. My favorite brand of chocolate is Dairy Milk and recently my brother gifted me a box of red chocolates on my 18th birthday.

The phrase 'I am a fond of chocolates' is incorrect because 'fond' is an adjective and does not require the article 'a'. Also, 'had had gifted' is incorrect past perfect usage; simple past 'gifted' is appropriate here. 'My box of red chocolate' should be 'a box of red chocolates' to indicate quantity correctly. 'Bird' is a typo for 'birthday'. These corrections improve clarity and grammatical accuracy.

× Well, honestly speaking, I eat, I eat chocolates one or two in a week as I am a person who also take care of my health as the the more chocolates are not good for health, they affect our health. So that's why.

✓ Well, honestly speaking, I eat one or two chocolates in a week as I am a person who also takes care of my health because too many chocolates are not good for health; they affect our health. So that's why.

The verb 'take' should be 'takes' to agree with the singular subject 'a person'. The phrase 'the the more chocolates' is incorrect; it should be 'too many chocolates' to express excess quantity. Also, 'one or two in a week' is better expressed as 'one or two chocolates in a week' for clarity.

× Of course, I remember when I was a child, my parents, my relatives and my close ones gifted gifted me the chocolates which I love the most and on my birthdays they gifted me the chocolates. And one of my favorite chocolate at my childhood was Ferrero Rocher.

✓ Of course, I remember when I was a child, my parents, my relatives, and my close ones gifted me the chocolates which I loved the most, and on my birthdays, they gifted me chocolates. One of my favorite chocolates in my childhood was Ferrero Rocher.

The repeated word 'gifted gifted' is a typographical error and should be corrected to a single 'gifted'. The verb 'love' should be in past tense 'loved' to match the past context. 'My birthdays' should be singular or plural with proper article usage; here, 'on my birthdays' is acceptable. 'Favorite chocolate' should be plural 'favorite chocolates' to match the context.

× Interestingly, I would say that in this era, the kids are fond of chocolates over the globe and due to it due to its taste, due to the shapes of the chocolates, the children admire them a lot and people also love to eat them because of their taste.

✓ Interestingly, I would say that in this era, kids are fond of chocolates all over the globe, and due to their taste and shapes, children admire them a lot. People also love to eat them because of their taste.

The phrase 'over the globe' is better expressed as 'all over the globe' to indicate worldwide. 'Due to it due to its taste' is redundant and awkward; it should be 'due to their taste and shapes' for clarity and correctness. Also, 'the kids' can be simplified to 'kids' for natural expression.

× Well, in this era there are ample of flavours of different kinds, but my favorite flavour is vanilla and I admire it a lot because I'm a person who loves vanilla a lot.

✓ Well, in this era, there are ample flavours of different kinds, but my favorite flavour is vanilla and I admire it a lot because I'm a person who loves vanilla a lot.

The phrase 'ample of flavours' is incorrect; 'ample' is used without 'of' when referring to quantity. So, 'ample flavours' is correct. The rest of the sentence is grammatically correct.

× Of course, I reckon some pupils and some people love to eat chocolates and it will be very useful for them if we gift them the chocolates as they will be at Cloud 9 by saying that by seeing the box of chocolates around them.

✓ Of course, I reckon some pupils and some people love to eat chocolates, and it would be very pleasing for them if we gift them chocolates, as they would be on Cloud 9 upon seeing the box of chocolates around them.

The modal verb 'will' is changed to 'would' to express a hypothetical or polite condition. 'Very useful' is not appropriate for emotional response; 'very pleasing' or 'happy' fits better. The phrase 'by saying that by seeing' is awkward and corrected to 'upon seeing' for natural expression. Also, 'at Cloud 9' should be 'on Cloud 9' as per idiomatic usage.