Chocolate— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Try to avoid repetition and filler words like 'uh' and 'um'. Also, use correct grammar such as 'often' instead of 'oftenly' and 'grown up' instead of 'as I grown up'. Make your answer more concise and clear by directly stating your preference and reason.

예시: I used to eat chocolates often during my childhood, but as I grew up, I started prioritizing my health and reduced my sugar intake to stay fit.

제안: Avoid repetition and unclear phrases like 'on my overall filming'. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Be specific about frequency and reasons for reducing chocolate consumption.

예시: I don't eat chocolate very often now because I have reduced my sugar intake to protect my teeth and maintain good health.

제안: Reduce filler words and improve grammar, for example, say 'I was fascinated by chocolates during my childhood' and 'as I grew up'. Use linking words to make your answer coherent and concise.

예시: Honestly, I was very fond of chocolates during my childhood because I loved their sweet taste, especially dark chocolate. However, as I grew up, I understood the importance of a healthy diet and reduced my sugar intake.

제안: Avoid excessive filler words and incomplete sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide specific reasons for chocolate's popularity.

예시: From my perspective, chocolate is popular worldwide because of its sweet taste. People especially enjoy it during special occasions like birthday parties, which makes it a favourite treat.

제안: Correct vocabulary and grammar errors such as 'fascinated about' to 'fond of', 'Douglas chocolate' likely meant 'dark chocolate', and 'oftenly' to 'often'. Complete your sentences and use linking words to explain your preference clearly.

예시: My favourite flavour is dark chocolate. I am fond of it because whenever I am happy, eating dark chocolate relaxes me and uplifts my mood, so I often enjoy it.

제안: Avoid redundancy and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to explain your opinion clearly and provide specific reasons why chocolate makes a good gift.

예시: Of course, I believe chocolate is a great gift because it expresses happy feelings. Its sweet taste symbolizes joy, making it a thoughtful present for others.

× I used to oftenly eat chocolates in my childhood and during my childhood, but as I grown up, I understood the, uh, I started prioritizing my health over the unhealthy food.

✓ I used to often eat chocolates in my childhood, but as I grew up, I understood and started prioritizing my health over unhealthy food.

The adverb 'oftenly' is incorrect; the correct form is 'often'. Also, 'as I grown up' is incorrect; the past tense 'grew' should be used here. Additionally, 'the unhealthy food' should be 'unhealthy food' without 'the'. The sentence is corrected to improve adverb placement and verb tense.

× I used to oftenly eat chocolates in my childhood and during my childhood, but as I grown up, I understood the, uh, I started prioritizing my health over the unhealthy food.

✓ I used to often eat chocolates in my childhood, but as I grew up, I understood and started prioritizing my health over unhealthy food.

The phrase 'as I grown up' is incorrect because 'grown' is a past participle and needs an auxiliary verb. The correct past tense form is 'grew'. This correction aligns the verb tense with the past context.

× I used to oftenly eat chocolates in my childhood and during my childhood, but as I grown up, I understood the, uh, I started prioritizing my health over the unhealthy food.

✓ I used to often eat chocolates in my childhood, but as I grew up, I understood and started prioritizing my health over unhealthy food.

The adverb 'oftenly' is not a correct form; 'often' is the proper adverb. Also, 'during my childhood' is redundant after 'in my childhood'. The sentence is corrected for clarity and proper adverb use.

× Not very often as I I, I have just reduced the sugar intake and I have started concentrating, prioritizing more on my health and I don't want to get any detrimental effect because of sugar intake on my teeth or on my overall filming.

✓ Not very often, as I have just reduced my sugar intake and have started prioritizing my health. I don't want to have any detrimental effects from sugar on my teeth or overall health.

The phrase 'I I, I' is redundant and removed. 'Concentrating, prioritizing more on my health' is simplified to 'prioritizing my health' for clarity. 'Detrimental effect because of sugar intake on my teeth or on my overall filming' is corrected to 'detrimental effects from sugar on my teeth or overall health' for proper expression and word choice.

× Honestly speaking, I was very fascinated about eating chocolates during my in my childhood as I love the sweet taste of uh, umm, of the chocolate, uh, especially the dark chocolate, uh.

✓ Honestly speaking, I was very fascinated by eating chocolates during my childhood as I loved the sweet taste of chocolate, especially dark chocolate.

The phrase 'fascinated about' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'fascinated by'. Also, 'love' should be in past tense 'loved' to match the past context. Redundant words like 'during my in my childhood' are corrected to 'during my childhood'.

× But as I grown up, I have known the importance of the, uh, healthy diet, so I have just reduced the sugar intake.

✓ But as I grew up, I came to know the importance of a healthy diet, so I have just reduced my sugar intake.

'As I grown up' is incorrect; it should be 'as I grew up' (past tense). 'I have known' is awkward here; 'I came to know' fits better. 'The healthy diet' is corrected to 'a healthy diet' for general reference. 'The sugar intake' is corrected to 'my sugar intake' for clarity.

× From my perspective, I think that due to the sweetness of the chocolates, many people are more fascinated towards, uh, the eating chocolate, uh, especially the, uh, on special occasions like, uh, birthday parties and, uh, they eat a lot of chocolate.

✓ From my perspective, I think that due to the sweetness of chocolates, many people are more fascinated by eating chocolate, especially on special occasions like birthday parties, where they eat a lot of chocolate.

The phrase 'fascinated towards' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'fascinated by'. 'The eating chocolate' is corrected to 'eating chocolate'. 'The chocolates' is changed to 'chocolates' for general reference. The sentence is restructured for clarity and correctness.

× My favorite flavor is dark chocolate. I'm very fascinated about dark chocolates and whenever I am in a happy mood I usually eat Douglas chocolate which just relax me and uplift my mood so I eat it very oftenly on.

✓ My favorite flavor is dark chocolate. I'm very fascinated by dark chocolate, and whenever I am in a happy mood, I usually eat dark chocolate which just relaxes me and uplifts my mood, so I eat it very often.

'Fascinated about' is incorrect; it should be 'fascinated by'. 'Douglas chocolate' seems to be a mispronunciation or error; corrected to 'dark chocolate'. 'Just relax me' should be 'just relaxes me' to agree with singular subject. 'Uplift' should be 'uplifts' for subject-verb agreement. 'Very oftenly' is incorrect; correct adverb is 'very often'. The sentence is corrected for adverb placement and verb agreement.

× Of course, I think everybody should give gifts as a chocolate because it's a way of expressing our feelings towards them like happy feelings.

✓ Of course, I think everybody should give chocolates as gifts because it's a way of expressing our feelings towards them, like happiness.

The phrase 'give gifts as a chocolate' is incorrect; it should be 'give chocolates as gifts'. 'Happy feelings' is better expressed as 'happiness'. The sentence is corrected for proper modal verb usage and clearer expression.

× Because chocolates brings a a sweet taste so we can as a gift when we give it represents how happy we are for them.

✓ Because chocolates bring a sweet taste, so when we give them as gifts, it represents how happy we are for them.

'Chocolates brings' is incorrect; 'chocolates' is plural, so the verb should be 'bring'. 'We can as a gift when we give it' is unclear; corrected to 'when we give them as gifts'. Pronouns are corrected for number agreement and clarity.