Chocolate— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Try to make your answer more natural and clear by using simpler and more accurate expressions. Avoid redundancy and unclear phrases like 'mood is the swing'. Also, keep your answer concise and directly related to the question.

예시: Yes, I like eating chocolate, especially when I feel stressed or during my period. I usually eat a small amount once a day to enjoy it without affecting my health.

제안: Make your answer more structured and clear by using linking words and avoiding repetition. Try to give a direct answer first, then explain with examples or conditions.

예시: I usually eat chocolate once a day if I have some at home. However, if I get a new type of chocolate, I might eat it once or twice a week. It depends on whether chocolate is available in my fridge.

제안: Try to use more natural expressions and avoid redundancy. Also, organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details using linking words.

예시: Yes, I used to eat chocolate very often as a kid. Even if I didn't have any at home, I would go to the nearby shop to buy some because I loved it so much.

제안: Improve clarity and coherence by using correct grammar and linking words. Avoid vague phrases and explain your ideas clearly with specific reasons.

예시: Chocolate is popular worldwide because many people believe it can improve mood and has health benefits when eaten in moderation. For example, dark chocolate is known to be good for the heart.

제안: Make your answer more concise and natural by avoiding filler words and organizing your ideas clearly with linking words.

예시: I usually prefer plain chocolate without any added flavors. However, sometimes I enjoy chocolate with crispy rice because it adds a nice crunch.

제안: Use clearer and more natural expressions. Avoid vague phrases like 'using attribute as a gift' and organize your answer with linking words for better coherence.

예시: Yes, I think chocolate is a great gift, especially for people who love sweets, like girls and children. It is a nice way to show you care and can be a good alternative to usual gifts.

× Yes, I like to eat chocolate so much especially in my period times or if my mood is the swing and I like to eat it once a day but not that much just to keep my health and maintain.

✓ Yes, I like eating chocolate very much, especially during my period or if my mood is swinging, and I like to eat it once a day but not too much, just to maintain my health.

The phrase 'my mood is the swing' is incorrect; it should be 'my mood is swinging' to use the correct verb + -ing form. Also, 'period times' is better expressed as 'during my period'. The sentence structure is improved for clarity and correctness.

× About how often I eat chocolate, I eat it once a day if there is some chocolate available in my home.

✓ Regarding how often I eat chocolate, I eat it once a day if there is some chocolate available at my home.

The preposition 'in' is less appropriate here; 'at my home' is more natural when referring to availability in a place. Also, 'About how often' is better replaced with 'Regarding how often' for clarity.

× But if there is a new chocolate so I just eat it where we once a week or twice a week if I just get some.

✓ But if there is new chocolate, I just eat it once or twice a week when I get some.

The original sentence is fragmented and contains unnecessary words like 'so' and 'where we'. Simplifying the sentence improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× So it's a different if there is something available in my fridge or not.

✓ So it's different if there is something available in my fridge or not.

The phrase 'it's a different' is incorrect; 'it's different' is the correct expression. Also, the sentence is better without 'a' before 'different'.

× I think as a kid I was a chocoholic because I used to eat it each and every time even though if it is available or not, I just used to take money and go to the nearby shop and just take some.

✓ I think as a kid I was a chocoholic because I used to eat it every time, whether it was available or not. I just used to take money and go to the nearby shop to buy some.

The phrase 'each and every time' is redundant; 'every time' suffices. 'Even though if' is incorrect; 'whether' is the correct conjunction. Also, 'just take some' is better expressed as 'buy some' for clarity.

× So as a kid, yes I was used to eat it so much.

✓ So as a kid, yes, I used to eat it a lot.

The phrase 'was used to eat' is incorrect; the correct form is 'used to eat' to indicate past habitual action. Also, 'so much' is better replaced with 'a lot' for naturalness.

× I think she could become a so popular not in my country only but overall word because people think that it is healthy in summer reasons and if you take it in appropriate amount because it's make your mood good and it's care also about your heart.

✓ I think it could become so popular not only in my country but worldwide because people think that it is healthy in summer and if you take it in an appropriate amount, it can improve your mood and also care for your heart.

The pronoun 'she' is incorrect when referring to chocolate; 'it' is correct. 'Overall word' should be 'worldwide'. 'It's make' should be 'it can improve' for subject-verb agreement and clarity. The sentence is restructured for better flow.

× If you just take it in limited, limited and especially if you just eat dark chocolate because it is healthy.

✓ If you take it in limited amounts, especially if you eat dark chocolate, because it is healthy.

The phrase 'in limited, limited' is incorrect and redundant; 'in limited amounts' is correct. The sentence is restructured for clarity.

× Well, I am a kind of person who like to eat a normal chocolate without any flavor.

✓ Well, I am the kind of person who likes to eat normal chocolate without any flavor.

The verb should agree with the singular subject 'person', so 'like' changes to 'likes'. Also, 'a normal chocolate' is better as 'normal chocolate' without the article.

× But sometimes I prefer a chocolate with crispy rice or rice crispy so it just give a little bit of crunchiness in it.

✓ But sometimes I prefer chocolate with crispy rice or rice crisps because it gives a little bit of crunchiness.

'Rice crispy' should be 'rice crisps' or 'crispy rice'. The verb 'give' should be 'gives' to agree with singular subject. The sentence is rephrased for clarity.

× So but most of the time I like the normal 1 without any addition.

✓ But most of the time, I like the normal one without any additions.

Using '1' is informal; 'one' is correct in writing. 'Addition' should be plural 'additions' to refer to extra ingredients.

× Yes, I think that using attribute as a gift will be a good and better ideas to give someone who loving eating sweet and this stuff, specially girls because they like chocolate so much and kids also.

✓ Yes, I think that using chocolate as a gift is a good and better idea to give to someone who loves eating sweets and such things, especially girls because they like chocolate so much, and kids too.

'Using attribute' is incorrect; it should be 'using chocolate'. 'Ideas' should be singular 'idea' to agree with 'a good and better'. 'Who loving eating sweet' should be 'who loves eating sweets'. 'Specially' should be 'especially'. The sentence is restructured for clarity.

× So yes I prefer make some changing ideas of gifting someone like chocolate.

✓ So yes, I prefer to come up with some new ideas for gifting someone, like chocolate.

'Prefer make' is incorrect; it should be 'prefer to make' or better 'prefer to come up with'. 'Changing ideas' is unclear; 'new ideas' is better. The sentence is rephrased for clarity.