Snacks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence stating when or whether you eat snacks, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g., “I need you for my healthy lifestyle”) and unnecessary repetition.

예시: I usually avoid snacks now because I live alone and want to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Instead of chips or sweets, I often have a bowl of oatmeal in the evening because it keeps me full and is quick to prepare.

제안: Begin with a clear opinion, then contrast two types of snacks using linking words like 'however' or 'on the other hand.' Use accurate vocabulary (e.g., 'ultra-processed' rather than 'auto processed') and give a brief reason for each type.

예시: It depends on the snack. Ultra-processed and sugary snacks are unhealthy because they contain a lot of added sugar and fat; however, snacks like nuts, oatmeal or raw vegetables are healthy because they provide nutrients and fiber.

제안: Answer directly with past habit, then contrast with present. Use correct tense and avoid confusing phrases (e.g., 'avoiding a healthy food'). Provide one specific example of how your habits changed and why.

예시: Yes, I used to eat a lot of snacks such as chocolate cookies and ice cream when I was young. Now I rarely eat those because I learned they cause weight gain and low energy, so I choose healthier options like oatmeal and nuts instead.

제안: Start with a simple topic sentence naming the snack, then give two clear reasons using linking words like 'because' and 'so.' Use natural collocations (e.g., 'keeps me full,' 'easy to prepare,' 'good for storage'). Keep it to two or three sentences.

예시: My favorite snack is oatmeal because it keeps me full for a long time and is very healthy. Also, it is easy to prepare and stores well, so I can make a batch and eat it over a few days.

× Uh, usually I don't eat any snacks now because I live by myself far away from my family so I need you for my healthy lifestyle.

✓ Uh, usually I don't eat any snacks now because I live by myself far away from my family so I need to care for my healthy lifestyle.

The original uses 'you' incorrectly where the speaker means 'to care' or 'care for'. This is an incorrect pronoun/use of verb phrase. Replace 'I need you for my healthy lifestyle' with 'I need to care for my healthy lifestyle' or 'I need to take care of my health' to convey the intended meaning. Use 'take care of' or 'care for' + noun phrase.

× So avoiding eating snacks is important for my health.

✓ So avoiding eating snacks is important for my health.

This sentence is acceptable but could be more natural as 'So avoiding snacks is important for my health.' The present participle phrase 'avoiding eating snacks' is grammatically correct, but 'avoiding snacks' is more concise.

× Instead, I sometimes eat oatmeal for my health.

✓ Instead, I sometimes eat oatmeal for my health.

This sentence is grammatically correct. Oatmeal is an uncountable noun and needs no article here. No change required.

× It depends on the snacks.

✓ It depends on the snack.

'Snacks' is plural here but when speaking generally about type, 'the snack' or 'which snack' or 'the kind of snack' is clearer. Alternatively 'It depends on the snacks' is acceptable conversationally; change to 'the snack' improves formality and clarity.

× So if you eat auto processed food or sugary foods in drinks it's not bad for your health.

✓ So if you eat auto-processed foods or sugary drinks, it's bad for your health.

'Auto processed' should be hyphenated as 'auto-processed' or better 'ultra-processed'. 'Sugary foods in drinks' is awkward; use 'sugary drinks' or 'sugary foods'. Also the sentence logic: these are harmful, so use 'it's bad for your health' rather than 'not bad'.

× But if you eat nuts, oatmeals or other vegetables or snacks it's good for your health.

✓ But if you eat nuts, oatmeal, or other vegetables or healthy snacks, it's good for your health.

Use 'oatmeal' as an uncountable noun (not 'oatmeals'). Add a comma before 'it's' and clarify 'other vegetables or healthy snacks'. Ensure parallel structure in the list.

× Yes, when I was young I really love eating snacks like chocolate cookie and ice cream, but I realize that it's not good for our health.

✓ Yes, when I was young I really loved eating snacks like chocolate cookies and ice cream, but I realized that they are not good for our health.

Mixing past and present: 'when I was young' requires past tense 'loved' and 'realized'. Also 'chocolate cookie' should be plural 'chocolate cookies'. Replace 'it's not good for our health' with 'they are not good for our health' to agree with plural subject 'cookies and ice cream'.

× So now I changed my snacks like oatmeal, nuts or vegetables like spinach.

✓ So now I've changed my snacks to oatmeal, nuts, or vegetables like spinach.

Use present perfect 'I've changed' to indicate a change from past to present. Also use 'changed my snacks to' (not 'changed my snacks like'). Keep parallel list and articles.

× So avoiding a healthy food is very important.

✓ So avoiding unhealthy food is very important.

'Avoiding a healthy food' is incorrect meaning; the speaker likely means 'avoiding unhealthy food'. Use 'unhealthy food' (uncountable) and remove article 'a'.

× My most favorite snacks is oatmeal because oatmeal helps me feel not hungry and I think it's very healthy and easy to make meal and it's very good for preservation.

✓ My favorite snack is oatmeal because it keeps me from feeling hungry, it's very healthy, easy to prepare, and stores well.

Multiple issues: subject-verb agreement ('snacks is' -> 'snack is'), redundancy ('most favorite' -> 'favorite'), awkward phrasing 'helps me feel not hungry' -> 'keeps me from feeling hungry', 'easy to make meal' -> 'easy to prepare', and 'very good for preservation' -> 'stores well'. Combine into a clear, parallel sentence.