Snacks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific detail with a linking word. Avoid repeating words (e.g., “snacks”) and awkward phrases like “feel my appetite.”

예시: I usually snack in the afternoon, between lunch and dinner. For example, when I feel peckish I often have a small handful of nuts or a piece of fruit because these are quick and keep me going until dinner.

제안: Give a direct opinion then support it with one or two specific reasons and a linking word. Use natural collocations (e.g., “high in calories” and “low in protein” singular) and avoid general statements like “we should” without personal focus.

예시: No, I don't think snacking is very healthy for me, because many processed snacks are high in calories and low in protein. Therefore, I prefer healthier options, such as a boiled egg or carrot sticks, to keep my energy steady.

제안: Structure your answer with a clear past topic sentence, one specific example, and a brief contrast to now using a linking word. Avoid repetition and small errors (e.g., “potato potato chips,” “refrain from taking them” sounds formal/unnatural).

예시: Yes, I snacked a lot when I was a child. For instance, I used to eat potato chips almost every day because they were cheap and tasty. However, nowadays I avoid them and choose fruit or yogurt for health reasons.

제안: Answer directly naming the snack, then give one or two specific reasons and use linking words. Fix word choice and repetition (e.g., “in the noon” → “at noon”, remove duplicate “well”). Avoid uncertainty at the start.

예시: I often snack on chocolate around noon because I usually feel sleepy then. So I pair a small piece of chocolate with a cup of coffee, which helps me feel more alert.

× There is a time when I feel my appetite, when I can potentially have some chocolates or potato chips for snacks.

✓ There are times when I feel my appetite and might have some chocolate or potato chips as snacks.

Use plural 'times' for repeated occasions (singular/plural issue) and plural agreement with 'there are'. Also 'chocolate' as an uncountable noun fits better than 'chocolates' here, and use 'might' for possibility. Combine clauses for clarity.

× I don't think it is healthy for me to eat snacks because most of the snacks are high in calories and low in proteins.

✓ I don't think it is healthy for me to eat snacks because most snacks are high in calories and low in protein.

Use 'most snacks' without 'the' (article issue) and 'protein' is an uncountable noun so use singular form. Avoid unnecessary definite article.

× Instead, we should have more nutritious foods such as meat or vegetables.

✓ Instead, I should eat more nutritious foods such as meat and vegetables.

Pronoun 'we' changes speaker perspective; keep consistent with 'I' from previous sentence. Also 'and' is more natural than 'or' when giving examples.

× I usually ate snacks when I was younger.

✓ I often ate snacks when I was younger.

Using 'usually' with past can be acceptable, but 'often' is more natural for past habitual actions; this clarifies past tense habitual action.

× For example, I was an avid fan of potato potato chips and ate it almost every day because it was cheap and tasty for me.

✓ For example, I was an avid fan of potato chips and ate them almost every day because they were cheap and tasty.

Remove duplicate word 'potato', change 'chips' to plural and use pronoun 'them' to agree (pronoun agreement). Match verb forms 'they were' for plural.

× But now I am paying attention to my health conditions, so I refrain from taking them.

✓ But now I pay more attention to my health, so I avoid eating them.

Use simple present 'pay' for habitual current action and 'avoid eating' is more natural than 'refrain from taking' for food. 'Health conditions' is awkward; 'my health' is clearer.

× I am not sure this is categorized as snacks, but I eat chocolate every day in the noon.

✓ I'm not sure this counts as a snack, but I eat chocolate every day at noon.

Use 'a snack' for singular category (article), 'at noon' is correct prepositional phrase, and 'counts as' is more natural than 'is categorized as'.

× I feel sleepy so I eat chocolate in combination with coffee.

✓ I feel sleepy, so I eat chocolate with coffee.

Use comma before 'so' when joining clauses. 'With' is a simpler preposition than 'in combination with' for natural speech.

× They go well well with each other.

✓ They go well together.

Remove duplicate 'well' and 'with each other' is redundant when 'together' suffices; this corrects redundancy and awkward phrasing.