Writing— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: သင်၏အဖြေသည် သဘာဝကျပြီး ထိရောက်မှုရှိရန် ပိုမိုရှင်းလင်းစွာ ပြောဆိုရန် လိုအပ်သည်။ စကားလုံးများကို ပိုမိုတိကျစွာ အသုံးပြု၍ အကြောင်းအရာကို ပိုမိုရှင်းလင်းစေပါ။ ဥပမာအားဖြင့် "I write journals regularly, focusing mainly on my personal feelings and self-improvement. Sometimes, I also note changes in my clothing style." ဟု ပြောဆိုနိုင်ပါသည်။

예시: I write journals regularly, focusing mainly on my personal feelings and self-improvement. Sometimes, I also note changes in my clothing style.

제안: သင်၏အဖြေသည် ပိုမိုစနစ်တကျဖြစ်ရန် လိုအပ်သည်။ မိမိရေးသားလိုသောအကြောင်းအရာနှင့် အကြောင်းပြချက်များကို ပိုမိုရှင်းလင်းစွာ ဖော်ပြပါ။ ဥပမာ - "I like to write about self-improvement because it helps me track my progress. Additionally, I write about environmental changes as I care about nature."

예시: I like to write about self-improvement because it helps me track my progress. Additionally, I write about environmental changes as I care about nature.

제안: အဖြေသည် ပိုမိုရှင်းလင်းပြီး သက်ဆိုင်ရာ အကြောင်းအရာများကို တိကျစွာ ဖော်ပြရန် လိုအပ်သည်။ "Johannesburg" ဆိုသော စကားလုံးသည် မှားယွင်းနေပြီး အစားထိုးအသုံးပြုရန်လိုသည်။ ဥပမာ - "In the future, I plan to write not only about personal experiences but also about new knowledge and adventures I encounter."

예시: In the future, I plan to write not only about personal experiences but also about new knowledge and adventures I encounter.

제안: အဖြေသည် ပိုမိုသဘာဝကျပြီး စကားလုံးများကို တိကျစွာ အသုံးပြုရန် လိုအပ်သည်။ အကြောင်းပြချက်များကို ပိုမိုရှင်းလင်းစွာ ဖော်ပြပါ။ ဥပမာ - "I prefer handwriting because I don't always have internet access, and typing requires storage space which can be troublesome."

예시: I prefer handwriting because I don't always have internet access, and typing requires storage space which can be troublesome.

× Yeah, of course, as I do journaling a lot these days on that I write down on my personal feelings and also the changes in personal clothes and I just focus on self improvements especially.

✓ Yeah, of course, I do a lot of journaling these days where I write down my personal feelings and also the changes in my personal clothes, and I especially focus on self-improvement.

The original sentence incorrectly uses 'as I do journaling' and 'on that I write down on' which are awkward and ungrammatical. The verb 'do' is unnecessary before 'journaling' and 'on that I write down on' is redundant. The correction uses the gerund 'journaling' properly and clarifies the sentence structure for better flow and grammar.

× Yeah, of course, as I do journaling a lot these days on that I write down on my personal feelings and also the changes in personal clothes and I just focus on self improvements especially.

✓ Yeah, of course, I do a lot of journaling these days where I write down my personal feelings and also the changes in my personal clothes, and I especially focus on self-improvement.

The phrase 'on that I write down on' incorrectly uses the preposition 'on' twice and is not idiomatic. The correction removes unnecessary prepositions and uses 'where' to connect the clauses properly.

× Yeah, of course, as I do journaling a lot these days on that I write down on my personal feelings and also the changes in personal clothes and I just focus on self improvements especially.

✓ Yeah, of course, I do a lot of journaling these days where I write down my personal feelings and also the changes in my personal clothes, and I especially focus on self-improvement.

The phrase 'self improvements' should be singular 'self-improvement' as it refers to the general concept, not multiple separate improvements.

× But in the other days when I feel umm news to some things. So I just.

✓ But on other days, when I feel the need for something, I just...

The original sentence is incomplete and ungrammatical. 'In the other days' should be 'on other days', and 'feel umm news to some things' is unclear and likely a mishearing or misuse of 'need'. The correction clarifies the intended meaning and completes the sentence structure.

× And especially I really focus on self improvements and while doing the journaling I am not that hyped a lot, caring a lot to my environment.

✓ I especially focus on self-improvement, and while journaling, I am not very hyped but care a lot about my environment.

The phrase 'caring a lot to my environment' incorrectly uses the preposition 'to'. The correct preposition with 'care' is 'about'. Also, 'doing the journaling' is better as 'journaling' for natural expression.

× And especially I really focus on self improvements and while doing the journaling I am not that hyped a lot, caring a lot to my environment.

✓ I especially focus on self-improvement, and while journaling, I am not very hyped but care a lot about my environment.

'Self improvements' should be singular 'self-improvement' as it refers to the general concept.

× So environmental change. So that's such a weird things I write out about things.

✓ So environmental change. So those are such weird things I write about.

'That's such a weird things' mixes singular 'that is' with plural 'things'. It should be 'those are such weird things' to agree in number.

× So environmental change. So that's such a weird things I write out about things.

✓ So environmental change. Those are such weird things I write about.

The phrase 'write out about things' is awkward and redundant. 'Write about' is sufficient and more natural.

× Yeah, in the future I would change to doing a Johannesburg like not only the personal group but also would be another knowledge that I found it all throughout my life, for example like new adventures I have made already.

✓ Yeah, in the future I would change to doing journaling not only about personal matters but also about other knowledge that I have found throughout my life, for example, new adventures I have already experienced.

'Would change to doing a Johannesburg' is incorrect; 'Johannesburg' is a city, likely a mishearing of 'journaling'. The sentence also has tense and article errors. The correction clarifies the intended meaning and corrects the future tense and article usage.

× Yeah, in the future I would change to doing a Johannesburg like not only the personal group but also would be another knowledge that I found it all throughout my life, for example like new adventures I have made already.

✓ Yeah, in the future I would change to doing journaling not only about personal matters but also about other knowledge that I have found throughout my life, for example, new adventures I have already experienced.

The phrase 'change to doing a Johannesburg like not only the personal group' is unclear and misuses prepositions. 'Not only the personal group' should be 'not only about personal matters' and 'would be another knowledge' is incorrect; 'about other knowledge' is correct.

× To me, I prefer to handwriting in a book because typing really traverses one that I don't have some Internet so or Wi-Fi, so I don't have enough to spade in the storage.

✓ To me, I prefer handwriting in a book because typing is difficult when I don't have internet or Wi-Fi, and I don't have enough space in the storage.

'Prefer to handwriting' is incorrect; it should be 'prefer handwriting'. 'Traverses one' is incorrect and unclear; likely meant 'is difficult'. 'Some Internet so or Wi-Fi' is ungrammatical; corrected to 'internet or Wi-Fi'. 'Spade in the storage' is a misuse of 'spade'; should be 'space in the storage'.

× To me, I prefer to handwriting in a book because typing really traverses one that I don't have some Internet so or Wi-Fi, so I don't have enough to spade in the storage.

✓ To me, I prefer handwriting in a book because typing is difficult when I don't have internet or Wi-Fi, and I don't have enough space in the storage.

The phrase 'in the storage' is better as 'in storage' without 'the' for natural English usage.

× It will be troublesome totally, that's why I choose.

✓ It will be totally troublesome, that's why I choose it.

The original sentence lacks an object after 'choose'. Adding 'it' completes the sentence. Also, 'troublesome totally' is better as 'totally troublesome' for natural adverb placement.