Hometown— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 回答は概ね自然ですが、冗長な表現が含まれているので簡潔にし、発音や固有名詞の正確さ（"Lake Biwa"）に注意してください。またトピック文の後に具体的な特徴を1〜2点に絞り、接続詞でつなぐとより効果的です。

예시: My hometown is Shiga Prefecture, which is home to Lake Biwa, Japan's largest freshwater lake. I especially enjoy the lush greenery and peaceful atmosphere there, which makes it a great place to relax.

제안: 内容は良いですが、文が長くなり不明瞭な部分（"so warm" など）や冗長な繰り返しがあります。Supporting detail を具体的に1〜2例挙げ、接続語で整理して簡潔に述べてください。発音や語彙選択（"verdant"は良いが日常語も混ぜる）にも注意。

예시: I like the lakeside and a large park near my home. For example, many families go hiking or have picnics there on weekends, so the area feels lively yet peaceful throughout the year.

제안: 良い構成ですが、時制と情報の流れをさらに明確にすると良いです。例えば滞在期間をまず述べ、その後に大学での移動について短く理由を付け加えてください。

예시: I've lived in my hometown for over 20 years. However, I moved to Kobe when I started university because my campus was located on a hill there.

제안: 文が不明瞭で語順や語彙の誤りが目立ちます（意味の通らないフレーズがある）。まず簡単な主張を明確に述べ、その後に2つの具体的な理由（自然環境、余暇活動、学習環境など）を論理的に示してください。短く簡潔な文を使い、語彙は日常的で正確なものを選んでください。

예시: Yes, I think my hometown is a good place for young people because it has many green spaces and clean air. Also, there are good schools and outdoor activities like hiking and sports clubs that help young people stay active.

× My hometown is Shiga Prefecture, which has the largest lake called Lake Biwar.

✓ My hometown is Shiga Prefecture, which has the largest lake, called Lake Biwa.

The definite article use is awkward here and the lake name was misspelled. Use a comma to set off the appositive 'called Lake Biwa' and correct proper noun spelling. Also 'Lake Biwa' is the correct name. Ensure proper nouns are spelled correctly and appositives are punctuated with commas.

× I love the atmosphere of the prefecture because it has lush greenery and a rich natural environment, so it feels peaceful and clean.

✓ I love the atmosphere of the prefecture because it has lush greenery and a rich natural environment, so it feels peaceful and clean.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable; no change needed. The adjective usage is correct: 'lush' and 'rich' properly modify nouns. Keep structure as is.

× As I mentioned, I love the verdant scenery in my hometown, especially the lakeside and the large park.

✓ As I mentioned, I love the verdant scenery in my hometown, especially the lakeside and the large park.

This sentence is grammatically correct; adjectives are used properly. No change necessary.

× People often go hiking or camping there to relax and enjoy picnics with their loved ones, like families, friends and so warm, so it feels peaceful and refreshing all year round.

✓ People often go hiking or camping there to relax and enjoy picnics with their loved ones, such as family and friends, so it feels peaceful and refreshing all year round.

The original contains unclear expressions ('like families, friends and so warm') and awkward sentence structure. Replace 'like' with 'such as' to introduce examples and use 'family and friends' rather than plural 'families' with 'loved ones' to match meaning. Remove 'and so warm' which is ungrammatical. Ensure clauses connect logically with a single 'so'.

× I have lived in my hometown for more than 20 years.

✓ I lived in my hometown for more than 20 years.

Context: the student later says they moved to Kobe for university, so use past tense 'lived' to indicate a period that ended. Use 'have lived' only if still living there. Choose tense to match timeline: since they moved, past tense is appropriate.

× When I started university, I moved to Kobe because my university was located on the hill there.

✓ When I started university, I moved to Kobe because my university was located on a hill there.

Original is mostly correct but 'the hill' implies a specific hill previously mentioned; 'a hill' is more natural if not specified. Keep past tense consistent. Use article 'a' for nonspecific noun.

× Different three years she car has a rich green area and the air is quite clean, so young people can enjoy their school lives as well as praying with their colleagues.

✓ Over the past three years, the city has had rich green areas and quite clean air, so young people can enjoy their school life as well as spending time with their classmates.

Original sentence is severely ungrammatical: word order and vocabulary are incorrect ('Different three years she car', 'praying with their colleagues'). Corrected version uses 'Over the past three years' to indicate time, changes 'the city' or 'the area' to a coherent subject, uses present perfect 'has had' to describe a state over a period, and replaces 'praying with their colleagues' with 'spending time with their classmates' which fits the intended meaning. Also use 'school life' singular for the general concept and 'classmates' rather than 'colleagues' for students.