Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence (e.g. “I’m currently a student”), correct any slips, and avoid irrelevant or confusing words. Then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words (for example, “because” or “so”) to explain why you changed roles. Keep answers to no more than 3–4 sentences to sound natural.

예시: I’m currently a university student. Previously, I worked as a registered nurse and a research assistant, so I decided to return to study to gain statistical skills for healthcare research.

제안: Answer the location question directly at first (e.g. “I’m not working at the moment”), then add one concise reason or detail using a linking word like “because” or “so”. Avoid repeating the same phrase and keep sentences clear and specific.

예시: I’m not working at the moment because I’m focusing on my studies. During my clinical and research experience, I realized how important data is in healthcare, so I chose a dual degree in statistics.

제안: First, directly answer the question (e.g. “I can’t really say because I’m not currently working there”), then briefly explain with one or two clear reasons or plans. Avoid repetition and unclear fragments; use linking words like “however” or “because” to connect ideas.

예시: I can’t really judge because I’m not currently working there. However, based on my past clinical roles, I expect a good research environment when I finish my UK master’s because I plan to focus on collaborative health data projects.

제안: Give a direct response to the hypothetical preference (e.g. “Yes, I would like to work there in the future”), then explain why with a specific reason using a linking word like “because” or “so”. Keep it to two to three sentences and correct sentence fragments.

예시: Yes, I would like to work there in the future because I want to complete my UK master’s and contribute to health-centered technologies. Working in that setting would allow me to apply statistical methods to improve patient care.

제안: Begin with a clear topic sentence stating your main plan (e.g. “I plan to do a PhD in statistics”), then add one specific reason or goal using a linking word such as “so” or “in order to”. Correct grammar (e.g. “become a statistician”) and avoid sentence fragments.

예시: I plan to do a PhD in statistics so I can become a statistician specializing in healthcare research. My goal is to develop statistical models that help improve clinical decision-making.

× Well, I've actually transitioned from walking to studying.

✓ Well, I've actually transitioned from working to studying.

The student used 'walking' which is likely a typo for 'working'. This is a word choice/structure error. Replace with 'working' to make the sentence logical: 'transitioned from working to studying'. Use present perfect 'I've transitioned' to indicate a change up to now.

× I previously worked as a registered nurse and a research assistant, but right now I'm focusing entirely on my university studies to build.

✓ I previously worked as a registered nurse and a research assistant, but right now I'm focusing entirely on my university studies to build my skills.

The sentence ends abruptly with 'to build' which is incomplete. Add the object 'my skills' (or similar) to complete the infinitive purpose phrase. The tense usage is correct (past for previous jobs, present continuous for current focus).

× Currently, I'm not. I'm not working. I'm not working now. But during my clinical and research experience, I realized the crucial role of data in healthcare that prompted me to pursue a dual degree in statistics.

✓ Currently I'm not working, but during my clinical and research experience I realized the crucial role of data in healthcare, which prompted me to pursue a dual degree in statistics.

Redundant short sentences 'I'm not' and repetition make the answer awkward. Combine clauses into one coherent sentence. Use 'which prompted' to link the realization to the action. Remove repeated 'I'm not working.'

× Previous Previously I say. I said I'm not working now, so umm. Ultimately my goal is to complete my UK Masters and country.

✓ Previously, I said I'm not working now. Ultimately my goal is to complete my UK master's degree and return to my country.

The original contains repetitions and unclear phrases. 'Previous Previously I say. I said' is redundant—use 'Previously, I said'. 'UK Masters' should be 'UK master's degree' (possessive and lower-case 'master's'), and 'and country' is incomplete; likely intended 'and return to my country.' Clarify and correct noun forms.

× I want to. Complete my UK masters and contribute to health centered technologies.

✓ I want to complete my UK master's degree and contribute to health-centered technologies.

The sentence is split incorrectly: 'I want to. Complete...' should be one sentence. Use 'UK master's degree' and hyphenate 'health-centered' as a compound adjective. Combine into a single fluent sentence.

× I want to. Go to PhD course and I want to become a statistical.

✓ I want to enroll in a PhD program and become a statistician.

'I want to. Go to PhD course' is split and ungrammatical—combine into 'I want to enroll in a PhD program'. 'Become a statistical' is incorrect word choice; use the noun 'statistician'. Also 'PhD program' is the natural collocation.