Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: 回答の構成と文法を改善しましょう。まず簡潔な主題文で職業を明確に述べ、その後で役割や理由を具体的に説明します。時制と前置詞、冠詞の誤り（例："belonging to"→"I belong to" またはより自然に "I work in"、"enrich citizen"→"enrich citizens"）を直すこと、過去の部署の説明は一文で整理することが大切です。接続語（for example, previously, because）を使って論理的につなげてください。

예시: I work as a bureaucrat in the Regional Revitalization division. I manage grant programs that aim to improve local communities and support citizens’ projects. I enjoy this job because it allows me to see concrete results in towns across the region. Previously, I worked in the maritime division where I monitored coastal projects.

제안: 場所説明をより自然で正確な英語に直しましょう。建物名や組織構造を述べるときは冠詞と複数形に注意し、職務内容は簡潔に述べます。冗長な語順や誤った語（"literature direction"）は避け、代わりに"guidance"や"direction"を使います。接続語（also, in addition）で説明を繋げると流れが良くなります。

예시: I work in Tokyo at the central government building. Our agency has many branch bureaus across Japan, and my role is to monitor their activities and provide guidance when needed.

제안: 否定から始める際は理由を明確にし、自然な表現で代替案を示しましょう。現在の文は語順や語彙の誤りが多く、意味が取りにくいです。"surround"の使い方や比喩表現（"forest of buildings"）を自然な英語に整え、具体的にどんな環境（parks, rivers, open space）が欲しいか述べてください。

예시: Not really. I prefer working in a place surrounded by nature, such as parks, trees, and rivers. Tokyo feels like a forest of buildings to me, and I would rather be somewhere greener and quieter.

제안: 自然な同意表現と理由を簡潔に述べましょう。"I'm very preferred"や不自然な時制・語順を直し、同僚との関係について具体的なエピソードや例を一つ加えると説得力が増します。接続語（since, because）を使って理由をつなげてください。

예시: Yes, I like working here because many of my colleagues are friends. Since I joined the organization, I have enjoyed chatting and collaborating with them, which makes the work environment pleasant.

제안: 将来計画は明確に、自然な文で述べましょう。希望を述べるときは"I would like to"や"I hope to"を使い、理由と具体的な目標（例：職務内容やスキル）を付け加えてください。子供の頃からの興味を説明する場合は"since childhood"を使い、最後の"I want you to decide"は不適切なので"I would like to be involved in planning railway routes"等に直しましょう。

예시: In the future, I would like to change fields and work in the railway division. I have loved railways since childhood, and I hope to be involved in planning routes and improving transportation for passengers.

× I'm working as a bureaucrat.

✓ I work as a bureaucrat.

The student uses present continuous 'I'm working' as if describing a temporary action. For occupations and regular employment we use the simple present 'I work'. Use 'I work as a bureaucrat' to state your job.

× I'm belonging to the Regional Revitalization division and distributing grants to enrich citizen.

✓ I belong to the Regional Revitalization Division and distribute grants to support citizens.

'Belong' is not used in continuous form for organizational membership; use 'I belong to'. 'Distributing' should be simple present 'distribute' for habitual duties. 'Enrich citizen' is ungrammatical; use 'support citizens' or 'benefit citizens'. Also capitalize proper noun 'Division'.

× Formerly I learned to maritime division and monitoring monitored.

✓ Previously I worked in the maritime division and monitored operations.

'Formerly' can be replaced with 'Previously'. 'Learned to maritime division' is incorrect; use 'worked in the maritime division'. 'Monitoring monitored' is redundant and wrong tense; use past simple 'monitored'. Match verbs to past timeframe.

× I work in Tokyo and central government building.

✓ I work in Tokyo at the central government building.

Use preposition 'at' for specific buildings and include the article 'the' for a specific building: 'the central government building'.

× There are many branch Bureau around Japan and I my position is to monitor or provide literature direction to them.

✓ There are many branch bureaus around Japan, and my position is to monitor them and provide guidance.

Use plural 'bureaus' for multiple branches. 'Branch Bureau' capitalization and word order corrected. 'I my position is' is ungrammatical; use 'my position is to...'. 'Provide literature direction' is awkward; use 'provide guidance'. Use commas to separate clauses.

× No, not so much.

✓ No, not really.

'Not so much' is acceptable conversationally but 'not really' is more natural here. This is a register/style correction within present-tense response.

× I want to work in more surround when surrounded by nature and green place.

✓ I want to work in a place surrounded by nature and greenery.

'Work in more surround' is ungrammatical; use 'work in a place surrounded by'. 'Green place' should be 'greenery' or 'green spaces'. Include article 'a'.

× Tokyo is like a forest of building about wilderness, green or water.

✓ Tokyo is like a forest of buildings, with little wilderness, greenery, or water.

Use plural 'buildings'. The sentence needs parallel items and correct connectors: 'with little wilderness, greenery, or water' clarifies scarcity. 'About' is incorrect here.

× I like to move the nature.

✓ I like to be close to nature.

'Move the nature' is incorrect. Use 'be close to nature' or 'spend time in nature' to express preference for natural environments.

× Yes, I'm very preferred to work here because there are many person who are my friends.

✓ Yes, I prefer working here because there are many people who are my friends.

'I'm very preferred' is wrong; use 'I prefer' or 'I prefer working here'. 'Person' should be plural 'people'. Use 'who are my friends' as relative clause.

× From the time I entered through this company and I'm very I enjoyed to talk with them.

✓ Since I joined this company, I have really enjoyed talking with them.

Use present perfect 'have enjoyed' with 'since' to connect past joining to present enjoyment. 'Entered through this company' is unnatural; use 'joined this company'. 'I enjoyed to talk' is incorrect; use 'enjoyed talking'. Remove extra 'I' and add adverb 'really' for emphasis.

× In future, I like to change the field of work.

✓ In the future, I would like to change my field of work.

Use 'would like' to express a future desire politely. Include article 'the' and possessive 'my'.

× If I could change the area, I would move to the railway division.

✓ If I could change areas, I would move to the railway division.

'Change the area' is awkward; use 'change areas' or 'change fields'. The conditional structure is fine; adjust noun plurality for natural phrasing.

× I have liked a railway for a long time, since I'm childhood and I want you to decide the railway route.

✓ I have liked railways for a long time, since childhood, and I want to help decide railway routes.

Use present perfect 'have liked' with plural 'railways' to express a long-term interest. 'Since I'm childhood' should be 'since childhood'. 'I want you to decide' is incorrect and awkward; use 'I want to help decide' or 'I want to be involved in deciding railway routes' to express the intended role.