Work— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is a bit long and slightly unclear due to grammatical errors and redundancy. Try to give a direct response first, then add one or two clear supporting details using simple and correct sentences. Avoid unnecessary words like 'while' at the start if it confuses the meaning.

예시: I am currently an undergraduate student at Imperial College London, studying economic finance and data science. I enjoy my courses because they combine analytical skills with practical financial knowledge. In the future, I hope to become a financial advisor to help people manage their money better.

제안: Your answer is unclear and contains many grammatical mistakes and incomplete sentences. Please answer directly and clearly. Use simple sentences and correct vocabulary. Avoid confusing phrases like 'curvely working through time' and incomplete thoughts.

예시: I am currently doing an internship at JP Morgan in London. This experience has helped me develop important skills like financial analysis and teamwork. I have also learned a lot from my colleagues during this internship.

제안: Your answer is clear and relevant, but you can improve coherence by using linking words and avoid listing cities without connection. Try to add a personal opinion or experience to make it more natural and effective.

예시: Yes, absolutely. London is a great place to work, especially in finance, because it is one of the world's leading financial centers. Moreover, it offers many job opportunities and a vibrant professional environment, which I find very attractive.

제안: Your answer is generally good but contains some awkward phrasing and repetition. Try to use more natural expressions and avoid repeating words like 'also'. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

예시: Yes, I like the place where I work because it offers a comfortable salary that helps me live in London. Besides, I am fascinated by the financial sector since it provides many opportunities for career growth and learning. For example, I enjoy analyzing markets and solving financial problems.

제안: Your answer is clear and relevant but ends abruptly. Make sure to complete your sentences and use linking words to connect your ideas. Also, try to avoid repeating 'foreseeable future' and use simpler expressions.

예시: In the near future, I plan to work at JP Morgan in London for a few years to gain valuable experience in finance. Then, I intend to return to my hometown, Hong Kong, to start a new business in the financial sector. As an entrepreneur, I believe this will allow me to combine my professional skills and personal goals.

× While I'm as currently an undergraduate student at Imperial College London, where I studied economic finance and data science, I really enjoyed my courses because they combined analytical skills with practical financial knowledge.

✓ While I'm currently an undergraduate student at Imperial College London, where I study economic finance and data science, I really enjoy my courses because they combine analytical skills with practical financial knowledge.

The sentence incorrectly mixes present and past tense. Since the student is currently studying, present tense verbs 'study' and 'enjoy' should be used instead of past tense 'studied' and 'enjoyed'. This maintains tense consistency and accurately reflects ongoing actions.

× In the foreseeable future, I hope to become a financial advisor so that I can help.

✓ In the foreseeable future, I hope to become a financial advisor so that I can help others.

The sentence ends abruptly and lacks an object after 'help'. Adding 'others' completes the thought and improves sentence structure.

× I'm not a curvely working through time, but I have an internship with JP Morgan in London.

✓ I'm not currently working full-time, but I have an internship with JP Morgan in London.

The original sentence contains unclear and incorrect phrasing 'curvely working through time'. Replacing it with 'currently working full-time' clarifies the meaning and corrects sentence structure.

× This opportunity has given me value by experience in the foreseeable financial sector and helped me develop important skills such as financial analytics and teamwork.

✓ This opportunity has given me valuable experience in the financial sector and helped me develop important skills such as financial analytics and teamwork.

The phrase 'value by experience' is incorrect. The correct phrase is 'valuable experience'. Also, 'foreseeable financial sector' is awkward; 'financial sector' suffices here.

× I also learned a lot from my colleagues and as a.

✓ I also learned a lot from my colleagues and supervisors.

The sentence is incomplete and ends abruptly with 'and as a.' Completing it with 'supervisors' or a similar noun makes the sentence complete and meaningful.

× London offers many job opportunities and a vibrant professional environment, which makes it very attractive for people.

✓ London offers many job opportunities and a vibrant professional environment, which makes it very attractive to people.

The preposition 'for' is less appropriate here; 'attractive to people' is the correct collocation.

× Yes, I would like the place where I work because it offers a comfortable salary which helps me live while in London.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work because it offers a comfortable salary which helps me live in London.

The phrase 'would like the place' is incorrect; 'like the place' expresses current feeling. Also, 'live while in London' is awkward; 'live in London' is correct.

× Also, I also fascinate about working in the financial sector since this provides many opportunities for career growth and learning.

✓ Also, I am fascinated by working in the financial sector since it provides many opportunities for career growth and learning.

The verb 'fascinate' is incorrectly used. The correct form is 'am fascinated by' to express interest. Also, 'this' should be 'it' referring to the sector.

× After, I intend to return to my hometown Hong Kong to establish a new business in the financial sector.

✓ After that, I intend to return to my hometown Hong Kong to establish a new business in the financial sector.

The word 'After' alone is incomplete as a transition. Adding 'that' makes the phrase 'After that' which correctly connects the sentence to the previous idea.

× As an entrepreneur, I believe this will allow me to combine my professional.

✓ As an entrepreneur, I believe this will allow me to combine my professional skills and knowledge.

The sentence ends abruptly and is incomplete. Adding 'skills and knowledge' completes the thought and improves clarity.