Shopping— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, give one specific reason with a brief example, and avoid repetition. Use a linking phrase to connect the idea and keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy shopping. It helps me relax after a long week, for example I often browse a local market on Sundays to unwind and discover new items.

提案: Be more fluent and grammatical: use a clear topic sentence, then give a specific reason and an example. Avoid awkward phrasing like “belong to middle class family” and unnecessary words. Use linking words such as “because” or “so”.

例: Yes, I usually compare prices because I want to get good value for money. For example, I often check online and in-store prices before buying electronics so I can choose the best deal.

提案: Avoid repetition and improve clarity: give one clear example and explain briefly why the choice is hard (e.g., style, color, fit). Use linking words like “for example” and “because” and keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I often struggle to choose clothes because different items can be very similar. For example, last week I hesitated between two shirts that fit well but had slightly different colors, so I couldn’t decide which suited me better.

提案: Make the answer more fluent and precise: state your opinion clearly, then give one or two specific reasons and an example. Remove filler words like “uh” and prefer smoother linking words such as “because” or “often”.

例: No, I don't think expensive products are always better because price often reflects brand or status rather than quality. For instance, I bought a budget phone last year that performed just as well as a pricier model for my needs.

× Yes, I do like shopping. Shopping helps release stress and it is a fun activity to do for me.

✓ Yes, I like shopping. Shopping helps release stress and is a fun activity for me.

Redundant use of auxiliary 'do' is unnecessary in a positive present simple statement; remove 'do' for natural English. Also 'to do for me' is awkward — use 'for me' and omit repeated subject 'it' before 'is' for conciseness.

× As I belong to middle class family, I need to check whether it is value for money for myself or not usually.

✓ As I belong to a middle-class family, I need to check whether it is value for money for me or not, usually.

Missing article 'a' before 'middle-class family' and hyphenation for 'middle-class.' 'For myself' is unnatural here; 'for me' is correct. Word order: 'usually' should be placed at end or before the verb; moving it to the end is more natural.

× Sometimes when I check prices on different places, the one place offers way more discount than the other.

✓ Sometimes when I check prices in different places, one place offers way more discount than another.

Use preposition 'in' with 'places' rather than 'on.' 'The one place' and 'the other' is awkward; use 'one place' and 'another.' Also omit unnecessary 'the' before 'other.' Consider 'much more discount' or 'a much bigger discount' for natural phrasing.

× Yes, I find it really difficult when choosing, for example clothes.

✓ Yes, I find it really difficult when choosing, for example, clothes.

This sentence mainly needs commas around the parenthetical phrase 'for example.' No article needed before 'clothes.' Ensure proper punctuation to improve clarity.

× I can't choose between two similar clothes.

✓ I can't choose between two similar items of clothing.

'Clothes' is a plural noun for garments; when comparing two individual garments, 'items of clothing' or 'pieces of clothing' is more natural. The structure 'two similar clothes' is non-native.

× Last time when I went to mall I had to choose between two shirts which I liked, but they were a little in color and it was really difficult for me.

✓ Last time I went to the mall I had to choose between two shirts I liked, but they were a little different in color, so it was really difficult for me.

Add the definite article 'the' before 'mall.' 'Which I liked' is acceptable but 'I liked' is more natural. 'A little in color' is incorrect; use 'a little different in color.' Add a connector like 'so' for clarity and flow.

× No, I don't think so because uh, the price on some material is more of a thing that is evaluated according to the company or according to the value it provides.

✓ No, I don't think so because the price of some materials is largely determined by the company or by the value it provides.

Use 'price of' not 'price on.' 'Material' should be plural 'materials' or 'products.' Phrase 'is more of a thing that is evaluated' is wordy and ungrammatical; replace with 'is largely determined by.' 'According to' repeated is redundant; use 'by' or 'based on.'

× Sometimes they're also related to status.

✓ Sometimes they are also related to status.

Contraction 'they're' is acceptable in speech, but in formal correction expand to 'they are' for clarity. Ensure 'they' clearly refers to 'prices' or 'products' — consider specifying 'prices' (e.g., 'Sometimes prices are also related to status').