Party— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cevabınız doğrudan ve anlaşılır, ancak daha doğal ve akıcı olması için cümle yapınızı biraz daha çeşitlendirebilirsiniz. Ayrıca, neden parti sevmediğinizi biraz daha detaylandırarak cevabınızı zenginleştirebilirsiniz.

例: I tend to be quite anxious and introverted, so I usually avoid parties because large social gatherings make me uncomfortable.

提案: Cevabınızda tekrarlar ve dolaylı ifadeler var. Daha akıcı ve doğal bir anlatım için cümlelerinizi sadeleştirin ve bağlaçlar kullanarak mantıklı bir akış sağlayın. Ayrıca, daha spesifik detaylar ekleyebilirsiniz.

例: I only had one birthday party when I was 12, which my parents surprised me with. It was very special because I had always wanted to celebrate my birthday with friends.

提案: Cevabınızda tekrarlar ve dolgu kelimeler var. Daha net ve akıcı bir cevap için cümlelerinizi sadeleştirin ve bağlaçlar kullanarak düşüncelerinizi daha iyi bağlayın. Ayrıca, partinin nasıl geçtiği veya neden organize ettiğiniz gibi detaylar ekleyebilirsiniz.

例: Yes, I organized a Halloween costume party during college because my classmates and I wanted to have some fun. It was a great way to relax and socialize with everyone.

× I'm an anxious person and introverted so I am not a fan of parties.

✓ I'm an anxious and introverted person, so I am not a fan of parties.

The original sentence has a word order issue affecting clarity. 'Anxious person and introverted' should be reordered to 'anxious and introverted person' to correctly modify the noun 'person'. This is related to adjective order and sentence structure, improving readability and grammatical correctness.

× When I was 12 years old, I guess my mom and dad surprised me with a birthday party.

✓ When I was 12 years old, I guess my mom and dad surprised me with a birthday party.

This sentence is grammatically correct in past tense and does not require correction.

× It was, it was really great for me 'cause I I always wanted to have a birthday party.

✓ It was really great for me because I had always wanted to have a birthday party.

The phrase 'I always wanted' should be in past perfect tense 'I had always wanted' to indicate a desire that existed before the past event. Also, 'cause' is informal; 'because' is more appropriate in formal speech. The repeated 'I' is a speech disfluency and should be removed in writing.

× So it was my first birthday party and last party actually.

✓ So it was my first and last birthday party, actually.

The phrase 'first birthday party and last party' is awkward. It should be 'first and last birthday party' to clearly indicate both events refer to birthday parties. Adding a comma before 'actually' improves sentence flow.

× Yeah, yes, I organized the Halloween costume party back when I was at the college.

✓ Yes, I organized the Halloween costume party back when I was in college.

The phrase 'at the college' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'in college' when referring to being a student. Also, 'Yeah, yes' is redundant; choosing one is sufficient.

× My, uh, the students wanted, I wanted and I said why not and throw a party for all of them and me.

✓ The students wanted to have a party, I wanted to as well, so I said, 'Why not?' and threw a party for all of us.

The original sentence is fragmented and unclear. It lacks proper conjunctions and verb forms. 'Throw' should be in past tense 'threw' to match the past context. The sentence is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness.